


The Ruins of Love and Chaos

by bisexylegend



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Endgame, Eventual Romance, F/F, Laurel| Avalance daughter, Minor Nyssa al Ghul/Sara Lance, Nyssara, Post-Divorce, divorced avalance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2019-05-07 18:31:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 47,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14676918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisexylegend/pseuds/bisexylegend
Summary: It took her a second to decide to drop everything and fly back to Star City after receiving a phone call from the hospital. “Ava, Sara's been shot”A Legends AU where Sara and Ava are divorced and have a daughter together.





	1. Phone Call

**Author's Note:**

> This is a post divorce AU and it is a slow burn. I hope you guys enjoy this!

Her office is immaculate, just like it always is. The sun shone through the full glass window, illuminating the white walls, making the navy accents pop. She enjoyed the calmness after winning another case earlier today, finally locking up the bastard charged with embezzlement and fraud. Now that her cases were finally over she can have time for herself or at least have complete hours sleep. 

_Atty. Ava Sharpe;_ Says so on the gold plate on her desk. After years and years of studying and hard work, she finally made a name for herself. Not just an extension of the family name she is known for. The Sharpe's were wealthy, Dr. Victoria and the CEO of _The Bureau,_ William Sharpe, are amongst the prominent and respected people in Ivy Town. And of course, being their daughter meant she had to be perfect as well. Instead of following her father or mother's footsteps, she chose to reject the company and became a lawyer instead. She was good at it, won case after case after case until her name was the first offer to someone in need of a defense attorney. It didn’t take long until she started her own firm and became big in the business.

Her eyes traveled to her desk in hopes of finding something to do, still unaccustomed to the lack of stress and work. She scrambled through her drawers but instead of paperwork, a picture frame caught her eye. 

She smiled for a second before her heart ached. She was about to pick it up when, Gary, her assistant, walked into the office with a loud _Miss Sharpe!_ She immediately flinched. Gary pushed through the glass doors using his arm while his hands carried two coffees, one that Ava asked for earlier and the other, she assumed was his.

"What did I say about loud voices Gary?" she said calmly but the annoyance in her face was evident. She opened her mouth the same time Gary does, encouraging him to say the words along with her. "I don’t like them" she said in unison with Gary's _you don’t like them._ She felt bad a little bit, but it was funny to see the poor guy squirm. She shook her head and grabbed her coffee.

She murmured a quick thanks and Gary scurried out. Her thoughts wandered to a relaxing vacation when the taste of the latte hit her tongue. Suddenly she pictured herself back in Bali enjoying the heat of the sun and the beauty of the beach, the place was too good to be true. Memories were made there; it was one of the few stops for their _honeymoon._ It's been almost a year, a year since their divorce was finally settled, a year since she last saw _Sara._ A pang of guilt struck her. 

Her thoughts were intervened when her phone suddenly rang. She sighed, thankful for the distraction. Her thanks however, were soon forgotten when she answered the call. "Hello?"

It took her a second to decide to drop everything and fly back to Star City after receiving a phone call from the hospital. _Ava, Sara's been shot_. She stopped breathing for a second; the world sank dragging her ability to respond with it. The rest of the sentences just became a high pitched ring in the background.

When she felt sure that Laurel, Sara's sister, was finished talking, she responded with a hushed "I'll be there" still unable to compensate what she just heard. The moment she ended the call her legs became jelly that she needed to sit back on her chair, not knowing she stood up in the first place, her throat dry when she swallowed.

"Gary" She called, barely a whisper. Suddenly her suit was too tight and she couldn’t breathe. She sloppily opened two buttons, her hand shaking. She gathered all her strength to stand up and walk out of the office. Gary was there to meet her at the door with a worried face.

"I'm going to Star City, I don’t have time to explain” She ran down the office without caring what anyone would think. The world felt like it was spinning but it didn’t stop her from reaching the door. She was so lost that she was in the car without her knowing. Not until the driver asked her where to.

One perk of being a Sharpe is that private jets are at your beck and call. In a matter of minutes they were ready to take off. She was a wreck when she arrived at the plane. The whole flight was even worse. Her anxiety was building and the stress and anticipation made her want to hurl. She gathered herself and called Gary, asked him to cancel all her appointments for the week and pack her a bag to be sent in Star City. 

When the phone call ended she was finally able to think clearly. She tried to recall what Laurel said earlier. _Sara was shot, she is in the hospital, little Laurel needs her mama._ She was too caught up on worrying that she forgot about her _daughter_. The poor little girl was four now, if Ava recalled correctly, she must be confused and alone. It made Ava sick to her stomach. The pent up feeling on her gut was too much to bear that she finally heaved. 

She had time to compose herself, to fix her hair and her blouse before the plane touched down. She looked at herself once more in the rear view mirror of the rental car Gary had arranged for her. She grabbed her jacket and settled it in her arm. 

Walking in Starling General was nostalgic almost, her mind was scattered again trying to figure out where to go. "Sara Lance?" she asked she arrived at the reception desk. 

"Are you family?" the receptionist asked. A lumped formed in her throat before she could answer. She nodded instead. "I’m her wife” _ex-wife,_ she reminded herself. But she was too desperate to get in that she didn’t even correct herself.

"She’s still in the operating room" she nodded and thanked the girl. Her feet felt heavy as she walked towards the wing where Sara was. She had a million thoughts running through her mind. _What will she do? What will she say? What would Laurel think of her?_ She gathered every drop of courage she had to walk the never ending hallway.

"She's still inside" Laurel said when she arrived at the waiting area. She had been crying, her voice was strained and her eyes rimmed with red. She stared at Ava inviting her to sit in one of the empty chairs.

She couldn’t though; standing up was more appealing for the tall blonde at the moment. "Laurel?" Ava asked. It didn’t take the other woman long to understand who she meant. 

"With Dinah" She replied. 

There was no conversation after that. She couldn’t even ask what happened and how Sara was. They both stayed there in comfortable silence not having any idea what to do but wait. A few moments later Quentin arrived with takeout, offered her an extra container without saying a word. They barely touched the food; Ava was hesitant to eat with the threat of her vomiting again. Everybody was too scared and worried that you can hear a pin drop. It was deafening and it made everything more concentrated. She tried her best to focus on something positive, sure that if she lingered too long in the silence it will drive her mad. Her mind wandered off to the one time going to Starling General became one of the happiest day of her life. 

_Sara was having contractions for more than 8 hours now. She was too stubborn to go to the hospital just yet. "Ava I’m pretty sure that this little bean isn’t ready to come out. The doctor said that this could be just an episode like the one last week. You’re too excited" Sara said as she breathed out another contraction, rubbing her belly to ease the pain._

_She sure was though. She was more than just excited, she was prepared. She had already packed the hospital bag a month before, with all the things their little angel could need when they finally welcome her to the world._

_"This one is longer! This couldn’t just be an episode babe. You said it yourself, it’s getting stronger now so come on" Ava combatted as she digs the closet for the bag. She felt triumphant when she finally managed to pull the mini pink duffle out._

_Sara had the sweetest smile on her lips when she turned around. Her eyes sparkled like she was seeing the best thing in the world. She lets out a hushed laugh and raised her hand in defeat. "You know I regret having a lawyer for a wife" Ava rolled her eyes at her. She let her wife help her up._

_True enough, it wasn’t just another episode, a couple of hours later Sara was pushing, holding Ava's hand until it hurt. It was a life changing experience being with her wife as she delivered their little girl. She whispered comforting words into her ear, supported her in the best way she could. A cry pierced through the entire room as the midwife held the tiniest, most beautiful human baby Ava has ever seen in her life._

_"Laurel Adriana Lance" Named after the ' coolest aunt' according to Laurel. She held their baby girl in her arms as Sara slept in her room and for the first time in her entire life she felt happy to be in her most dreaded place in the world._

"Ava" Laurel's voice broke through her flashback. She was back at the hospital again, this time the doctor was standing across them. He explained the severity of her injury and that they managed to get the bullet out. He also mentioned something about Sara being lucky and that the bullet didn’t puncture any organs. The intensity in the room dialed down. Everybody can breathe easily now knowing Sara was safe. 

They moved the shorter blonde to the room. The doctor then further explained that her body needs to rest and that she will be unconscious for a while. The three had nothing much to discuss after that. Ava finally asked Captain Lance what happened to Sara. "A mission gone south, too many of them and just one of her" explained Quentin.

It was night time and they barely noticed. Laurel was the first to leave, she had to finish something for a case and it was urgent. She asked for updates if anything changes in Sara's condition in which Ava nodded to. Quentin stayed for a little while longer but then he was called back to the precinct for an emergency situation. Ava volunteered to stay and watch her since she had nothing to do for the rest of the evening.

She stared at Sara sleeping peacefully on the bed, like nothing bad happened earlier. Aside from the fact that she was supported by an oxygen tank and has an IV attached to her, she seemed okay. Ava moved from the couch to a stool beside Sara's bed. The monitor was beeping steadily and it felt louder than it really was in the dead of the night.

"You just can’t help yourself can you?" She whispered, unable to stop herself. "Sara Lance, always risking her life to save others" Ava didn’t know why she was getting angry. It wasn’t like it was Sara’s fault but she just hated seeing her so vulnerable, so fragile, that it was better to project anger than admit she still _cared._

Almost a year without seeing her and she still hasn’t changed a bit. The same blonde hair she used to _hate_ cleaning in the bathroom, the same blue eyes that pierced through her soul, the same lips that kissed her every morning and the same fierce and strong Sara she married. The familiar ache found its way back into her heart. 

Ava suddenly couldn’t bring herself to look at her anymore. Memories she had been pushing down for the past months came rushing back up the moment she heard her name on the phone. Now that she was alone with her in the room she suddenly regrets the decision to come. Along with the good memories they shared, the horrible ones followed. Things did not end well for the two of them and she _shouldn’t_ have any reason to care. They were over, and as much as it was hard to accept, the only reason she should be staying was for their daughter’s sake. 

***

Her eyes felt heavy despite the effort she exerts to open them. The memory of the previous day was lost to her until it came crashing back. She wanted to jolt up but her body was glued to the floor or the bed when she realized she was lying on a soft mattress with even softer sheets. She tried to move the rest of her body however her strength was failing her. A few moments later she moved a finger. _Barely_. Then, she finally was able to open her eyes and the sudden brightness of the room overwhelmed her. 

The walls were white, the ceiling too. She felt something move on her head when she looked around. She raised a hand to touch it. _Nose tube_. The next thing she saw was the IV on her hand. Her head throbbed and her body felt like it was on fire. She remembers the dealers she encountered last night, the gun shots and the blood. Her hand traveled to her abdomen where she was hit.

"You’re awake" she hears a familiar voice. A voice she hasn’t heard in a long time. For a second she thought it was just the nurse and her mind was playing tricks on her but then she saw _her_. 

She tried to speak but her throat was dry. She mustered all her strength and finally lifted her back from the pillow. She hissed at the burning sensation in her stomach. Ava who was in the edge of the bed was suddenly beside her. Easing her back down, murmuring something she couldn’t register. The hospital bed was suddenly inclining, allowing her a better view of her ex-wife.

She was so confused that she asked the first question that came into her mind. “Am I dead?" Her head was still foggy and everything felt painful, even breathing.

"Almost" She almost didn’t catch that. It was just above a whisper. Her mind still couldn’t process the fact that Ava was here. The taller blonde lifted her head carefully placing a pillow to prop her up. "Does this hurt?" she shook her head.

"Laurel just grabbed coffee, Quentin was here earlier but then he had to go to work" Ava explains as she fixes the blanket around her. She stared at Ava, studying her carefully, considering for a second that maybe she was just hallucinating. She had the perfect opportunity to poke Ava's face when she leaned a little closer. "What are you doing?" she asked clearly confused of what just happened.

Sara closed her eyes tight. The pain in her head was growing stronger. "You’re real, huh" she concludes.

"Of course I’m real, how are you feeling?" She wanted to reply something snarky because she clearly doesn’t feel okay. It just didn’t feel right, joking and Ava being here. Instead of a straight answer, she responds with a question. 

"What are you doing here Ava?" It came out colder than she wanted it too. It wasn’t like they were on good terms anyway. Things were getting clearer now and Ava in star city, with her in a hospital room was the only thing that was unclear, followed by her vision that suddenly dimmed.

She feels like passing out. _Shit_. The room started to spin and she couldn’t hear the beeping of her monitor which she was unconsciously aware of. Ava's voice was muffled too. She can hear her answer but the words aren’t coming. She tried to open her eyes and then world was just engulfed by blackness.


	2. Eskimo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava didn’t know she could be this nervous. As a lawyer, she faced every case with confidence and pride, but even then, with the handful of experience, she couldn’t be tough enough to face her own daughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back with a new chapter ;) I hope you stay patient because this story isn't all happy and fluff

Ava woke up early today. Her neck and back were loud in showing their protest that they didn’t like the uncomfortable couch she slept in. She sat up and rubbed her face, annoyed by the ten different kinds of pain she is feeling right now.

She tried to make of what happened yesterday: Her ex-wife had been shot and she came crawling back to Star City like an idiot. Her eyes traveled to Sara's sleeping form. For a moment she thought she was still in haze when she saw Sara's finger move in the subtlest way possible but then she finally stirred, her eyes opening. 

"You’re awake" that was all she could muster as she walked towards the bed. She almost rolled her eyes when Sara propped herself up. She immediately went to her side and eased her down "easy, easy. You shouldn’t be up” she coaxed as she adjusted the hospital bed for Sara's comfort.

Sara looked confused though, her face scrunched up trying to register what was going on. She must be still high on pain medication because the first thing she croaked out was "Am I dead?"

Ava _almost_ smiled. "Almost" she whispered when a lump formed in her throat. The thought of it sent shivers down her spine. She gently lifted Sara's head and placed a pillow asking Sara if it hurt. She explains where Quentin and Laurel were as she adjusted Sara's blanket. When she reached to untuck the blanket near her arm Sara poked her.

"What are you doing?" Sara then proclaimed her observation that she was real. _Pain meds._ She remembered. Sara was being silly and if they were still married she could have had a laugh with her, share a kiss or two but she wasn’t, not anymore. She brushed the thought away.

"Of course I’m real. How are you?" It sounded too concerned than shed like. Sara however didn’t share the same gentleness in her voice when she asked her what she was doing there. Suddenly they were back to being whatever attitude this is.

"Normally when someone flies a couple hundred miles to come see you in the hospital, you just say thank you" Ava replied. She noticed Sara's scrunched up face and she started to worry. "Sara?" When the other woman didn’t answer, she immediately called the doctor.

Laurel was there in a heartbeat. Sara had just passed out due to exhaustion and a mild concussion. The doctor assured them that it was normal for patients to be so tired because their body experienced trauma. Ava sighed in relief. She couldn’t bear the thought of something happening to Sara while she was on watch.

Laurel handed her coffee and she murmured a quiet thanks. She sat back down on the couch as her nausea rose to her throat. However the warm coffee toned it down. 

Her phone buzzed quietly in her pocket. Gary had just informed her that her clothes have arrived in her house and that her car was sent to pick her up. "Laurel? Mind if I go and clean up? I won’t be long” She didn’t want to leave Sara, but Laurel was there and her outfit wasn’t really comfortable anymore.

Laurel smiled sweetly at her. Even when things didn’t go well with Sara, before and after they were divorced, the other woman was always kind to her. They developed closeness in the past couple of years she had missed. Laurel would help her with cases and she helped her in return, she helped her when she proposed to Sara and many more times she couldn’t count. She has become the sister she never thought she could have.

"Of course. Take your time"

After grabbing her things she strolled to the parking lot where her driver and her car waited for her. The drive home was quiet. She checked her emails and messages and left a few chores for Gary to run.

She looked up to see the subdivision gate. The scene was welcoming and suddenly she felt _home,_ a feeling she hasn’t felt in a while.

Their house was huge, one of the biggest in the area but the emptiness of it made it bigger than it looked. She eyed the furniture the caretaker had polished to perfection, leaving the place like it used to be.

_A combination of heavy and light footsteps drummed the wooden floor. Laurel's giggle echoed through the living room and a loud roar from the scary dinosaur, namely Sara, followed through. Ava was at the couch reading the latest copy of Star City newspaper while her girls ran around playing pretend. Her heart melted when she looked up and saw Sara with a dino hat and her hands raised up forming claws as she chased little Laurel._

_"I’m coming to get you!" said Sara as she stomped a little faster. When Laurel caught her eye the little girl shouted MAMA and ran to her screaming. Ava stood up with opened her arms to catch the little girl. Laurel's tiny but strong two year old legs carried her really fast that she let out a quiet 'oomph' when her tiny body hit hers with force._

_Sara roared again as she neared Laurel. She threatened to bite but when she reached the little girl she showered her with kisses. Laurel laughed and wiggled. Ava never felt purer joy than this. She gazed at Sara lovingly who immediately looked back at her, blue orbs smiling along with her lips. She dips her head to meet Sara's and a joyous ache crept on her heart as their lips met._

_When they pulled away, Laurel grabbed her head and rotated it to face her. She laughed when she saw their little princess with a pout on her face and her eyes closed ready to be kissed. Laurel laughed and clapped her hands when she finally kissed her, after which their nose met for a little Eskimo kiss Laurel loved doing._

Their laughter still echoed in the walls as she remembered Sara tickling Laurel like it was yesterday. She felt ten different kinds of emotions just staring at the cream walls. A couple of pictures of Laurel, her and Sara and the three of them was hanged or framed in the furniture that surrounds the house.

She nodded to the housemaids as they welcomed her to the house, still numb and reeling from the unforgotten memories. She didn’t expect it to be _this_ painful; Climbing up the stairs and walking towards _their_ bedroom or technically hers because it hasn’t been theirs, not in a long time at least. 

She was quite hesitant to open the door, unsure of what the other side might hold. When she finally had the courage to turn the doorknob, the scent of the room flooded her. It smelled so much like Sara, or at least she think it does. She sat in the bed and closed her eyes, embracing the entirety of it. She softly falls back on the mattress and succumbs to its comfort. Her back and neck's protest hushed.

When she felt like it was about time to stop feeling sorry for herself she took a quick shower and changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Her phone buzzed at the bed when she received a text.

_**Laurel:** Dinah asked if you could swing by the house on the way back, they want to hitch a ride to the hospital if that’s okay_

Her hands went from warm to cold as she felt fear creep through her body. She had planned to go see Laurel but right now was too soon. She didn’t want to be unprepared when she finally face her girl. She regretted her response before she sends it. _Sure._

She ran a couple of scenarios in mind; one that involves Laurel hating her and another where Laurel was ecstatic to see her. None of which however, help ease the knot in her stomach. She tastes the bile in her throat when she pulled over in the driveway and she didn’t stop tasting it, not even when she knocked on the front door and by any chance, it got worse.

A little bit of relief washed over her when she saw Dinah open the door. She invited her in with a smile on her face. "Wait over here, she’s going down in a few minutes" she said as she gestured Ava to the couch.

Then Dinah was gone, climbing up the stairs to go check on Laurel. Suddenly she felt claustrophobic in the open space of the living room. The time slowed and the anticipation is killing her. She unconsciously wiped the bead of sweat that formed on her forehead.

Ava didn’t know she could be this nervous. As a lawyer, she faced every case with confidence and pride, but even then, with the handful of experience, she couldn’t be tough enough to face her own daughter. 

A couple of footsteps broke her thoughts. She slowly lifted her head to get a glimpse of who is coming, her hand pressed together and knees shaking in anticipation.

And then there she was, her little girl. Only, she doesn’t look so little anymore. Laurel grew a couple of inches; she looked so tall for her age. She was in white and black striped long sleeves and overalls, her hair cut just a little over her shoulders. Of course she saw her in pictures Sara sent or the times Laurel had them on face time and the one time she took her to visit, but that visit was 8 months ago and she couldn’t believe that her little girl looked like a young woman, for her eyes at least.

She felt terrible for missing out on Laurels life in the past year, in which she couldn’t be with her in tough times and achievements she celebrated or her birthday even. She and Sara tried to agree on a proper living arrangement for them and Laurel, but every time they do, they fight. Up until Ava decided that she couldn’t bear to be in Star City anymore. 

She returned to Ivy Town and Laurel was left to Sara's care, promising she wouldn’t let their daughter grow up without knowing she loved her and it was a difficult choice. Sara had sent pictures just like they agreed on, Sara never showed her face to any of them. Every time she faced time Laurel it would be her aunt that held the phone with her or Dinah or anybody else _but_ Sara. 

"Hey princess" She wiped a tear that ran down her cheek. "Its mama" she whispered. Laurel had her face down as she walked towards Ava. She was fidgeting her hands, a nervous gesture she got from Sara.

When Laurel looked up Ava smiled. Laurels eyes were a darker blue like hers which almost seemed impossible because she was Sara's through and through. The shape of her eyes, nose and lips however, resembled Sara's perfectly.

Ava kneeled down to Laurel's height. The little girl didn’t say a word and Ava's heart sank, afraid of what was going through her daughter's mind. Laurel however, took a step closer to Ava, leaned down until their noses _touched_. 

Ava stills as she gently moves her head from side to side. It took only a couple of seconds until Ava realized what she was doing. Tears fell down her cheeks as she reciprocated the Eskimo kiss she had gotten so familiar with ever since her daughter learned how to do it. She lets out a laugh and pulls Laurel into a hug. She couldn’t stop herself from breaking down.

The little girl hugged her back and lets her pour out all the pain she has been feeling: All the guilt for leaving Laurel and the pain of seeing Sara again. "Mama?" she pulled away when she hears Laurel call out.

"What is it princess?" Laurel buried her face against her chest. Her voice was low and muffled but Ava was pretty sure she heard "I missed you" She kissed the little girls forehead repeatedly just like she always would. 

"Me too little bean, I missed you so much" She grabbed Laurels hand who wiped her tears away. She kissed it and pulled Laurel back into another hug. She sees Dinah at the bottom of the stairs smiling sadly at her, giving her an _'I understand '_ look.

After a few more minutes of talking to Laurel they finally got into the car. They drove to the hospital as Laurel told Ava about everything she possibly could in the span of the car ride. When they got down Laurels hand was linked to her grandmother's up until they got inside.

When they reached the lobby Dinah had to go to the bathroom and told them they go ahead since Laurel was excited to see her mom. Ava gladly agreed and started to walk Laurel to where Sara's room was. She was surprised to feel her tiny hands reach her when they were about to go up the stairs. They walked hand in hand and Laurel let Ava guide her like everything was natural and Ava couldn’t be any happier to take her daughters hand.

Sara's room was filled with hushed conversations when they entered. Laurel was the first to come in and later on Ava, who finally placed faces on the voices. Sara's cop friends were there along with a few others. She recognizes all of them because they used to be friends too. Zari who is Sara's closest friend, the one who pushed them to be together, Amaya and Nate her couple friends who are also cops, Ray Palmer a business man Sara had been good friends with and Mick Rory, Sara's partner.

She doesn’t even know how they all were allowed to visit in the room at the same time but knowing Sara's friends she didn’t bother to ask. All of the conversations however, suddenly dropped when all eyes were on her. Ava could feel the hotness on her cheeks grow.

"Mommy?" Laurels voice cut through the silence. Everybody then greeted the little girl. Between that, Amaya smiled at her and gestured her to come closer.

Zari clasped a hand on Ava's arm "Sharpe! It’s been a while" She smiled. It was good to see that nothing’s changed between her and the legends, as they liked to call themselves. She had been friends with them too, before all the crap that has happened in her and Sara's marriage.

She sees Laurel climbing up to Sara's bed in her peripheral view. She was then carried up by Ray when he saw she was having a difficult time. 

Ava stared at them painfully when she saw Laurel bury her face in the crook of Sara's neck. She sees her ex-wife struggling to ease the pain their daughter's weight was giving her. Ava felt her legs move before she decided to. She slowly rubbed Laurels back. 

"Hey little bean, we have to be careful around mommy okay?" her heart broke when she heard Laurel was sobbing. Her daughter nodded her head still buried on Sara's chest. Sara gave her an _it’s okay_ look in which she nodded in return.

Sara rubbed Laurel's back too after she did. She coaxed the little girl to stop crying. "I’m okay Laur, mommy is okay now. I can’t be home for a few days so Aunt Laurel and grandma will be taking care of you okay?" She explained to the little girl.

"Will mama be there too?" her tiny voice was muffled by her sobs and Sara's body. She looked up to Sara with a hopeful face. 

Sara looked at Ava, asking for something or anything she could say to Laurel. "Of course little bean, mama's not going anytime soon. I promise" The taller blonde replied. She smoothed her daughter's hair and leaned in to kiss her forehead.

Her ex-wife nodded and almost has a grateful look on her face. As much as they both deny, they need to set their differences aside for Laurel's sake and right now they need to pretend that everything was okay between them. She and Sara are going to have an inevitable talk soon and it is going to be one hell of a stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was that you guys? Comment below <3


	3. White Flag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ava _left_ Laurel mom. I can’t just welcome her back into our lives just because she decided to show up when you called" She said bitterly. She still hated Ava for leaving, for not fighting hard enough for their little girl, for _her_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im back with a new chapter. This is kind of leading to the reveal of the reason why they broke up. I may or may not reveal it in the next chapter. Anyways Im planning to do chapters that are complete flashbacks but its not a final decision yet and I know that you want to know what happened in the past. Just be patient and I promise to reveal it soon!

Her world was spinning and her head felt like it was being hammered. The first thing she hears is the steady beeping of the monitor followed by the hushed voices. When she opens her eyes this time she didn’t feel like blinded by the light. She blinked through the fog of her sleep. She remembered her conversation with Ava, but when she looked around the room she was nowhere to be found. Her ex-wife was replaced by her coworkers and friends gathered at the corner of the room. Laurel was there too, talking to them. 

The room was now filled with different flowers, cards and balloons. Her friends didn’t seem to notice she was awake. They were busy with their respective conversations. She sees Zari with Laurel and Nate. Ray was with Amaya and Mick was eating a sandwich in the couch.

"I’m pretty sure you’re not allowed to be here all at once." She joked to make her presence known. It was loud in her ears, but it was just enough for her friends to turn around. Their worried looks lifted as they approached her. 

They asked how she was feeling and what they could do to make her comfortable. To which she replied. "I’m good."

Laurel held her hand, the one without the IV. She smiled comfortingly at her sister and squeezed back her hand. She sees tears forming in her eyes and suddenly she felt weak too. She feels herself slowly breaking down. "You promised to be careful" Laurel whispered.

"I tried" She sadly replies. Laurel kisses her on her forehead and said goodbye. Laurel was needed in the DA's office and she couldn’t bring herself to stop her. Laurel also told her that Dinah was bringing little Laurel to visit. 

She hated being injured. Being a detective, she knew it was going to be inevitable but the thought of Laurel worrying, or losing a mom was difficult to bear. She loved being a cop and being out in the field, saving others and making the city safer for Laurel to grow up in but it’s the moments like this that she feels like she should find a safer job. What is a safe future for Laurel when she doesn’t have a mom to take care of her?

Her friends kept her company and eased the negativity. They told her stories and how the operation was successfully executed last night. She finally felt at peace knowing that there was one less criminal roaming around the streets. She forgets about Ava or where she was. Honestly, she could’ve returned to Ivy Town and she couldn’t care less. 

Later, her friends let her rest. They returned back to the couch and offered to wait for Dinah to arrive before they leave so that she would have company. She closed her eyes and allowed her drowsiness to consume her. 

She hears the door open and assumed it was her mother. When the room suddenly went silent, she opened her eyes.

"Mommy?" she hears her daughter. She entered the room with Ava. Their hands were intertwined and suddenly it hurt. It wasn’t her abdomen but it was her heart. Seeing their daughter with her mama brought back memories from the past she buried deep down. 

Their eyes met for a split second before she focused all her attention on Laurel. The little girl was trying to climb up the bed but she was struggling. Ray was beside them in an instant helping Laurel up, smiling at Sara with an _I got her_ look. She mouthed a silent thank you. She hissed at the burning sensation when she felt Laurel's weight hover against her. 

Suddenly Ava was beside them, telling Laurel to be careful. She almost scoffed. The gesture was soft and nice, something they haven’t been in a while. However she focused more on Laurel who was sobbing in her chest. She feels the wetness in the crook of her neck as her daughter cried.

"I’m okay Laur, mommy is okay now. I can’t be home for a few days so Aunt Laurel and grandma will be taking care of you okay?" She coaxed so that the little girl will stop crying.

"Will mama be there too?" a lump formed in her throat. She didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t promise Laurel that Ava wouldn’t leave because she _will._ She turns to Ava and gave her a look, encouraging her to answer the question herself.

"Of course little bean, mama's not going anytime soon. I promise" The taller blonde replied. Sara's heart sank at the nickname. Ava has been nothing but kind and gentle with her and apparently, Laurel. It was loud and clear that she was waving a white flag and she got the message.

Ava leaned in and smoothed their daughter's hair and kissed her forehead. Suddenly she was really close to her. One move and their lips would meet. She shook the thought away, confused as to why she is suddenly feeling these urges. Maybe because it reminded her of how they always tucked Laurel in bed.

_Sara cuddled with the little girl as Ava read her a toddler book of Peter Pan, Laurel's all-time favorite, for the second time. Her wife was seated at the other side of their daughter's bed showing her the pictures while reading the text below._

_She would occasionally make her own sentences and conversations along with a few hand gestures that made the story ten times longer than it should be but it was amusing to see her wife's stoic and poker face become a set of emoji in the span of the story._

_Laurel's giggles and laughs were music to her ears. She loved the way her mama read her the book and it was difficult to put her to bed without this routine they grew accustomed of._

_After halfway of the second reading Laurel was already peacefully sleeping. She untangled herself from her embrace. Then, they both kissed her goodnight and tuck her in properly before they headed to their bedroom._

_She giggled in between kisses as Ava pulled her in the room. "I miss having you all to myself" The taller blonde whispered, kissing her once more._

_"Mmm…you have me for the rest of your life" She whispered back in between smiles and kisses._

_"Cute. But that’s not what I meant" Ava raised both her brows twice and grinned. She lets out the cutest giggle._

_Suddenly Sara's mood changed from light to seductive "show me" She pushed the other woman gently and they both fell slowly on the bed._

"Boss, we better get going." the brute and rough voice of Mick brought her back to reality. Her partner, who often referred to her as boss, was eating a new sandwich, his third one she supposed.

Everybody bid their goodbyes to her and Laurel. They also murmured a quick goodbye to Ava and she heard Mick say "see you around hotcakes" who was then slapped in the arm by Nate. She smiled at the humor of her friends and shook her head. Dinah, who apparently arrived already, showed the legends out the door.

Laurel stirred and her weight knocked the air out of her lungs. She kissed her daughter's forehead and smoothed her hair back.

Maybe Ava was paying attention because she was at their side again trying to get Laurel down "Laur baby, you’re such a big girl now and you’re getting heavier and heavier. Mommy is quite having a hard time cuddling with you right now. Is it okay for you to go with mama?"

When the little girl nodded Ava carried her off the bed. She shot her a grateful look before smiling. Her heart warmed seeing Ava and Laurel sit in the couch and talk. Laurel had a huge smile on her face as she watched something on Ava's phone. 

She should be angry at her ex-wife, showing up after a year without any contact with her in between aside from a casual check in with Laurel. She thought of the many times Ava could’ve come and be with their daughter, all the missed out moments she put in second as she chose her career. The excuse was always work, work and work but she wasn’t an idiot. Ava went to great lengths just to avoid her even if it meant she couldn’t be with Laurel. What changed? Why now when she has already moved on?

Dinah pulled up a chair beside her and squeezed her arm. "How are you feeling?" her mother asked.

She answered with a smile. "I’m good" her eyes however never left her daughter. "She arrived with you?" she didn’t even need to say the name for her mother to understand. 

Dinah told her about how Laurel thought it was a good idea to hitch with her seeing that the car wasn’t available. She also told her about their interaction and how little Laurel reacted when she saw Ava. "She is happy that she is back. She may not understand yet but I know one thing, she wants her in her life sweetheart"

"Ava _left_ Laurel mom. I can’t just welcome her back into our lives just because she decided to show up when you called" She said bitterly. She still hated Ava for leaving, for not fighting hard enough for their little girl, for _her_.

"You knew how hard it was for her, you know what she has been through sweetheart" her mom reminded. Of course she remembered. She wanted to tell everyone she was hurt too, that it wasn’t just Ava that had it hard but she kept quiet, not having enough strength to argue.

"It doesn’t justify why she left her daughter" She stared back at them again. Laurel was clearly enjoying a video Ava was showing her. Ava was smiling too. She has never seen her this happy since…since everything became a downward spiral.

She doesn’t deny that it was good seeing Ava smiling again, talking to her friends and being with Laurel. Maybe she moved on too, maybe she finally found whatever it was that she had been missing in her life. It didn’t matter because whatever it was turned her back to who she was before. 

She felt herself being pulled back into sleep. Her eyelids were heavy and her body weak. Sara allowed herself to succumb to it and drifted into dreamland.

_They haven’t talked in a week. Ava has been distant again, burying herself in work. She wakes up in an empty bed and sleeps alone at night. Ava would already out the door before she could grab an opportunity to talk to her or she would stay in the office so late it became too exhausting for her to wait._

_She tried reaching out, she really did. She would wake up early and set an alarm at night just to catch Ava. Her wife however made little effort to communicate. She would brush her off and tell her everything was okay and she shouldn’t worry about her. It was the problem, she can’t stop worrying._

_Laurel had been asking for her bedtime stories and mama wasn’t there to read them for her. Sara tried but fails miserably. In the morning Laurel asked for mama to take her to the park but Ava couldn’t say yes because she was swamped with work. Sara called in sick and took her but all she did was frown and displayed tantrums the entire day._

_Sara was getting tired. She wanted the coldness to end. She tried her best to tiptoe around Ava, giving her space and the time she needed to be back on her feet, but tiptoeing wasn’t working anymore so she confronted her._

_The confronting however didn’t go well. She waited for Ava to come home. It was past 10 and Laurel was already sleeping. She sat in the bed fighting the urge to go to lie down and rest. Ava arrived, her suit jacket hanged on her arms and her usually neat bun was messed up. When she turned on the light that’s when Sara finally made her._

_Her eyes were puffy and rimmed with red from crying. Her lips swollen and her nose and cheeks were pink._

_"Ava" she whispered. She stood up and walked closer to her wife. She cups both her cheeks and stared into her dark blue eyes._

_Ava was shocked to see her awake, she wasn’t expecting to be confronted and it made her upset. "Why are you still awake?" she replied coldly._

_"I was waiting for you, we need to talk Aves" the nickname hit her. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply._

_The attempt to converse turned into a heated argument, turned into shouting that woke Laurel up and turned into Sara crying while tucking Laurel back in bed. Ava had slept in the guest bedroom that night and after that the fighting never stopped._

***

Three days passed and Sara was given an all clear to be discharged by the doctor. Ava was always in the hospital with little Laurel or if anyone was watching Sara she'd take Laurel out to the park or anywhere else and make up for the moments she missed in her daughter’s life.

Sara's things were already packed up and she was ready to go out in a few hours. Laurel, Sara's sister was with her, little Laurel and Quentin helping Sara out.

Ava couldn’t help but overhear the conversation between the sisters.

"Sara you can’t stay in your apartment. It would be difficult for you to move around and it’s too far for me or our parents to come and take care of you. Dad has to be in the precinct and mom is teaching" 

Sara as stubborn as she is, replied "I can take care of myself Laurel. Besides where would I stay?"

A stupid thought immediately came into mind. The past days she and Laurel had been having so much fun that she wanted to be with Laurel more. If Sara stays in her apartment then she would drive an hour from her house just to see the little girl so the compromise she wants to offer is perfect.

So she offered without thinking about it twice. "Why don’t you stay at our old house" Everybody stared at her like she grew horns. “I mean it’s going to be easier for you. There's a guest room in the first floor and there will be maids at your beck and call" she further explained.

"What’s in it for you?" for a second she felt like Sara was considering.

"Oh you mean beside from helping you out of the goodness of my heart? I get to spend time with my baby girl" she stared at Laurel who was busy with the phone on the couch and back to Sara.

Sara rolled her eyes at her sarcasm. She was almost enthusiastic until Sara replied. "No"

"Sara. That’s actually a really good offer" Laurel encouraged. She was grateful for the other woman’s support.

"You don’t owe me anything and I don’t want to owe you Ava. Do you even know what you’re asking? I’m not going back to that house” she replied almost harshly.

She was a lawyer, convincing people is her job and she wanted this so bad. "Sara come on. Just until you be okay on your own. You won’t even know I’m there." she tried once more but failing so she tried using the kid to sandbag her ex -wife. "Laurel would want to be there, she wants to spend time with me"

"Maybe if you didn’t leave then you wouldn’t have to go through the lengths for you to get to know your daughter." that hurt. She also made a point. She was the one who left and it was unfair for her to ask such a big thing to Sara. Her shoulder slumped in defeat.

"I’m sorry" she whispered. The room was too quiet it was deafening.

"Mama? What’s wrong?" Laurel came closer and hugged her mom’s legs. Ava crouched down to level with her daughter.

"Nothing little bean, mommy is coming home today are you excited?" she tried to smile. The little girl lit up with excitement.

"Will mama come home with us?" she asked enthusiastically. Ava's heart ached. She didn’t want to hurt the little girl more than she already have.

"Hey little bean look at mama, mommy… and I, we uh, thought it was best that mama will be at the old house okay? But I promise I will come to visit" her heart broke when Laurel started sobbing.

"But you promised you could stay" The little girl looked up at Sara frowning.

Ava didn’t know what to do or what to say. She feels her heart being torn to shreds, afraid that maybe Laurel will grow tired of her making mistakes and finally give up on her but then Sara spoke from the bed.

"And Mama is keeping that promise babe, come here" Laurel helped the little girl up and she sat beside Sara. The shorter blonde wiped the tears from her eyes. 

"Remember our old house? We’re going to stay there with mama for a few days or more okay?" she smoothed their daughter’s hair and kissed her forehead.

Sara looked over Laurels shoulder and stared at her. She mouthed a silent _thank you_ and Sara nodded in return. This could probably be the worst or best decision she had made after their divorce and she had a few hours to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was that? Are you thrilled to see what would it be like for them to be back in their old house? ;)


	4. Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Now you can’t look me in the eyes?" she scoffed. Thankfully Nana Anne took Laurel for a stroll in the park so she wasn’t around to witness another fight. Sara has lost count of the rounds. Ava seemed to hate the fighting more than she does because finally she made effort in ending things, literally._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter yow! I think you guys will like this one. Im trying to insert bits and pieces of information from the past so you could all picture their life before their divorce. I promise to write happy ones in the mix so that it wont be all angst. I tell you tho, its gonna get better.
> 
> Thank you for all your comments I have read them! Thanks for reading and saying really nice things. Anyways enjoy!

She stopped counting how many times she has cursed herself since she said yes to her ex-wife’s offer. _How can I be this stupid?_ She hated herself for letting this happen but it was too late to back out. 

The drive to the subdivision was familiar, wrong but familiar nonetheless. They carried nothing but the hospital bag they packed and Ava promised to take care of moving their belongings. Laurel was sleeping in the car, exhausted of waiting.

The moment she cried at that hospital, pleading to be with her mama, she knew it was impossible to say no. Now she was leaning against Ava with content on her face. The other woman rubbed comforting circles in their daughters arm as she slept. 

Sara didn’t realize she was staring until Ava met her gaze. She immediately pulled away and set her focus to the houses they pass by. She tried to ease the growing worry on the pit of her stomach. She was tough enough to face bullets and criminals but the thought of being back in their old house had her wavering.

There weren’t many houses in the neighborhood. Each had big lawns and had really long driveways. There was no way she could’ve afforded this kind of life for her daughter but Ava was blessed with a rich family and a big trust fund. With her income and money from her shares of the company, Laurel could’ve lived a wonderful life; not that she isn’t with her or that Ava wasn’t supporting the little girl because she was. She had sent her plenty of cheques with unimaginable worth. 

Sara as stubborn as she is used only some it, enough to provide Laurel with good food, clothing and a comfortable lifestyle and kept the rest in Laurel’s bank account, which Ava had already filled. 

Sara never wanted this luxurious life. She never wanted the money or the recognition in being part of the Sharpe’s, hell she just wanted Ava the moment she laid eyes on her in the court room. Everything else was just free package. 

The rest of the car ride was quiet. When they arrived at the house a wave of nostalgia hit her. The house didn’t change a bit and it was just as beautiful as she last saw it.

They were greeted by the maids who already had her wheelchair down. She still had difficulty in walking and Ava insisted she use one and she could ditch it if things get easier. She didn’t feel like arguing so she agreed. Sara was about to go down when Ava popped at the door. 

“What are you doing?” The taller blonde asked. “You are going to hurt yourself” She would’ve protested but she immediately stilled when she felt Ava’s arm supporting her back and the other scooping her legs.

_“Ava!” Their laughter echoed through the wooden cabana. Watching the sunset lead to making out then to what Sara is currently dreading- tickling. The breeze of the Bali night was cold, the smell of the beach lingered in the air and the trees swayed._

_It was their second day in Indonesia and 5th day in their entire honeymoon. Sara had always wanted to go to Bali or Maldives, the next on their honeymoon list and now they’re here, enjoying cocktails and personal time with each other._

_“Babe, please stop!” The shorter blonde said in between laughs. She tried to push Ava away but she was too strong and relentless in pursuit of reaching for her sides. So she did the complete opposite. She pulled her close and kissed her, something she knew would make her stop. The warmth of her lips caressed her own and a gasp escaped her mouth when she felt Ava’s tongue swipe across her lower lip._

_The kiss became heated, passionate. Ava pulled away to breathe in some air and stare at the other woman’s baby blues. Sara was pulled by her wife up; the next thing was they were standing dangerously close to the pool. She immediately wrapped her arms on her wife’s neck and met her with a kiss._

_Her heartbeat rose and a flush of adrenaline spiked her body when Ava suddenly swooped up her feet carrying her in bridal style. The taller blonde gave her a quick kiss on her cheek and carried her back to the beach house._

Ava was staring intensely into her eyes. Calculating the possible result of the action she just made. For a second they thought of the same thing that this was a mistake but the next thing Sara knew she was being pulled in closer by her scent, then her eyes, then her lips. She craved to feel those lips on hers. Her head spun and suddenly they were leaning in closer. A lump formed in her throat, both their breathing halted…they were too close, so close. 

A loud _thud_ shattered their moment when the trunk of the car closed. Their eye contact broke and they sighed with relief. The tension was replaced by awkwardness and Sara doesn’t know which one she hated more.

Ava gently seated her in the wheelchair and took their still sleeping daughter from the head house maid whom she recognized immediately “Nana Anne” she smiled sweetly at the old woman. She took care of Ava since she was a little girl and she stuck around until today. She was Laurel’s first nanny and the little girl has grown fond of her. 

“Hello yellow bird” she always called her that. Nana Anne loves Sara and she reminded her of the canary because of her golden locks. Sara had loved the nickname and it warms her heart to hear it again. 

Sara was pushed by the older woman as Ava and Laurel walked beside her. They were welcomed at the door by the family butler Arthur. “Welcome home Ms. Lance” Technically it wasn’t her home anymore, but the way the old man’s eyes twinkled with joy urged her to let it slide.

“Only for a couple of weeks Art. I see your back in Star City” she replied. When Ava and Sara finally separated the family butler returned to Ava’s estate in Ivy Town. Seeing him again brought so much joy. At least her stay wouldn’t be as terrible as she thought with the familiar faces in the house.

She was settled in the guest room. Ava had left Laurel in the bed and went on to help her sister pack their things. She lay in the bed feeling helpless along with a million other things. She watched Laurel breathe steadily. Her mind wandered off again to the time where she couldn’t stand to be in this house.

_The divorce papers scattered in the living room floor. Her breaths came in heavy puffs, frustrated and angry at the same time. Her wife sat across from her in the couch and even with her head down she can see the tears flowing down her cheeks._

_"Now you can’t look me in the eyes?" she scoffed. Thankfully Nana Anne took Laurel for a stroll in the park so she wasn’t around to witness another fight. Sara has lost count of the rounds. Ava seemed to hate the fighting more than she does because finally she made effort in ending things, literally._

_She harshly wiped her cheeks that were stained with tears too "is this what you want?" she asked with a stern voice. Ava sobbed and her heart was crumpled. She wanted to reach her, touch her, and remind her of what they used to have because as much as this decision made her angry, she doesn’t want to go through it._

_The taller blonde looked up at her. Her usual glowing face and bright eyes gone, replaced by the tiredness from the lack of sleep and stress. She didn’t respond to her question. Instead she just stared back at the floor, her lips shaking._

_"Fine" she picked up the papers and tore them to pieces. "Let me know when you can talk" she spat out. She ran up the stairs and slammed their bedroom door._

_Her legs gave up on her before she could reach the bed. She slides down the door with heavy sobs. She immediately covered her mouth to prevent herself from whimpering. She prayed that Ava would change her mind, that she would come around but she never did._  
***  
Their bags were packed and they were ready to go. They decided it was best if Laurel stayed with Sara. They already found an apartment, near the city and the precinct so it will be convenient for her. Ava had offered to take them to the new place before she heads back in Ivy town. 

_Laurel was quiet the entire ride. She knew mama had to leave and she had to stay with mommy. Sara tried her best to explain to the little girl and answer the questions. She was upset, but she didn’t cry. Laurel was a smart and a well behaved girl. Even though she just turned three, she had a good grasp on things around her._

_They arrived in the apartment in the longest time possible. The driver helped with their bags and finally this was it. It was time for them to say goodbye and she couldn’t do anything more to delay or prevent it from happening. She gives Ava a nod._

_The taller blonde knelt to their daughter’s height and she couldn’t prevent herself from tearing up. She saw how difficult this was for Ava and she can see how badly this will hurt their daughter._

_"Little bean, mama has to go now okay?" the little girl nodded. "hey, hey don’t cry. We talked about this remember? I told you that you have to be strong for mama. Mommy is going to need you to behave. Be a good girl for me okay?" the other woman whispered. Ava gave her a hug. Even with her back facing her, she could hear Laurel sob, murmuring something to Ava and clinging to her tightly._

_"I can’t stay baby, I’m so sorry" Ava was crying now too. She looked into her eyes, pleading to take Laurel. She gently coaxed the little girl to let go of her mama but she wouldn’t budge._

_She finally applied a little force so that she could pull Laurel's arm from Ava's neck. The little girl's cry got louder. She didn’t want to let Ava go and it broke Sara's heart to see the little girl suffering. Laurel sobbed with her back pressed against her knees as Ava walked out the door._

_The little girl tried to run after her but she immediately bent and grabbed her. “Mama!" Laurel cried out._

_Sara pulled her daughter into her arms and kissed her forehead. "its okay baby, it's okay" she whispered as she rubbed her daughters back._

***  
Sara's apartment was cozy. The last time she was here was before she left and at that time the place was empty. Now there were décor and more furniture that suited Sara's style. It was simple and wasn’t as different as their old house. 

"Their room is over there, it leads to a walk in closet. I'll look around to see if there are other things I could grab and I'll come and help you" Laurel headed to the kitchen before she could ask something.

She found her way to one of the doors and opened it, hoping for the best. The walls were cream and the room was modest. There was just a bed, side tables and a dresser. A couple of paintings hung in the walls.

She ran a hand through the picture frame in side table and picked it up. It was a picture of Sara and Laurel in a restaurant with a huge smile on her face. She swiped a finger on their daughters face and placed the picture frame in the box. Something tells her Sara would love to have that in her side table.

Ava entered the walk in closet and started finding comfortable clothes for Sara. She grabbed underwear and night gowns as well as pajamas and casual clothes she might like. When she was done with the reachable shelves she stepped on to the lowest level to elevate herself. She blindly ran her hands to the top shelf and grabbed the first thing she reached.

She stills for a second when she saw the picture frame she grabbed. It was a photo of her in a silly blue dress. She remembers because it was her birthday and Sara insisted she wore a dress to their dinner. Sara snapped this photo while she clapped her hands in excitement when the waiter delivered her cake with a bouquet of flowers, from her wife of course.

Ava wasn’t sure why Sara still had that picture in that closet but she felt butterflies in her stomach with the thought of it. She smiled and returned the frame back in the top shelf and finally arranged the boxes.

"All set?" Laurel peeped from the bedroom. She carried a box with a bunch of things she doesn’t recognize. 

"Yup" she nodded and lifted her big box.

"It's great what you're doing for Sara" Laurel said when they finally settled in the car. They have talked in the past days when Sara was still in the hospital but they never had the talk about little Laurel or what happened before.

"Honestly? I'm just here for Laur" she confessed. There was a slight hesitation before she continued. "Sara and I…we aren’t…we haven’t been in a long time" She couldn’t find the right words.

"See, here's the thing. I don’t believe you" She faced Laurel who had a soft smile on her face.

Ava was suddenly confused. "Excuse me?"

"I know you’re not here just for little Laur. Admit it Aves, you were worried when I called." It was crazy how Laurel and Sara can read her like an open book. She had spent a lot of time in the other woman's company and they had been friends even before she met Sara. "You still care for her"

There was no point in lying to the other woman who had her eye brow raised with an _I know you_ look all over her face. "Yeah. I came because I was worried. She was my wife, of course I care"

"You were good for each other" were being the keyword. They changed topic and talked about work and cases. They caught up on life events and things friends talk about. 

Laurel was a fun company. They get each other's jokes and spoke the same _lawyer language_ as Sara named. Her being Sara's sister made things easier in their divorce. She would tell her things about Laurel and be with the girl as they facetimed.

They lost track of time catching up until the car pulled over in the driveway. They both insisted to take the boxes out and carry them in the house.

Their talk about Laurel's experience with a crazy date from tinder suddenly halted when they saw Sara and Laurel in the couch, only, they weren’t alone.

"Ava, hey. I’m sorry I didn’t get to tell you but umm…this was a little unexpected" Sara spoke, her voice trailing at the end. She eyed the tall and dark haired woman who was helping Laurel color but now standing up with an awkward smile. "This is Nyssa"

The dark-haired woman offered her hand in which she took. She was almost as intimidating as Ava. She had great posture and carried herself gracefully. "Ava Sharpe" she said smoothly with a smile.

"Nyssa Raatko" she had an accent she couldn’t quite place. It sounded almost British.

Sara tried to stand up and both women rushed to her side to help her up. The moment Ava and Nyssa's eyes locked, tension rose in the room. Ava was first to let go. She had the feeling that she was invading a territory and clearly she had no right to Sara, not anymore.

"Nice to finally meet you Ava, Sara has told me all about you." she smiled. Ava could see that Sara was uncomfortable at this meeting.

"Funny, she never said anything about you" she forced a smile. If she is who Ava thinks she is, it's going to be a wild ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boom. Say Hi to the new player in town. lol. I didnt want to introduce her this soon but I dont think its right to introduce her later than this! Anyways what do you think? ;)


	5. Heated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Bullshit Ava! For once please stop using what you’ve been through as an excuse for everything you’ve done to ruin this marriage!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im back after so long! I had things to do and I had difficulty writing this. but hey im here now! Thanks to the people who read and patiently wait for the next chapter. I really appreciate it you guys! Anyway I hope you enjoy!

Sara had been informed that she had a guest waiting. It came as a surprise to her since she received nothing from her friends that anyone of them was coming to visit. Nana Anne and another maid helped her to her wheelchair. To her surprise, it wasn’t a friend waiting for her in the living room.

"Nyssa?” The other woman, who was sitting patiently immediately stood. "Nana Anne we will be fine here would you mind leaving us?" Sara whispered. The older woman nodded and left.

Nyssa immediately walked towards her and bent to reach her height. "Why didn’t you call? I was worried" Her voice soothed her. She longed to see Nyssa and her presence comforted her in a way she never fully understood.

They both met in CC Jitters when she visited a few months after her divorce with Ava. The two hit it off and became really good friends though in the past couple of months, things shifted between them. It wasn’t official yet, it wasn’t something they talked about a lot. They just wanted to see how things go without pushing it too far and Sara was okay with that pace.

"Sorry, it’s been a rough week. I would’ve called if I wasn’t passed out all the time." she frowned. Honestly, with Ava being back, she hardly thought of Nyssa. Her mind was more occupied by pressing matters. She felt guilty but it was true, a part of her not calling was the fact that she was always too tired and didn’t care to pick up the phone.

"Your ex-wife’s house huh?" If Sara didn’t know any better she would’ve thought Nyssa was jealous, well, she wasn’t sure really but the tone of her voice sound suggestive.

"It’s only for a few weeks. She insisted and of course Laurel wanted to come. I couldn’t say no" Sara felt like somehow she owed her an explanation. Speaking of Laurel, she came running out of the guest room to look for her mommy.

"Aunt Nyssa!" she exclaimed. Laurel and Nyssa were close. They get along very well and she had points for always bringing things whenever she visited just like she does now. Nyssa took out a set of gorgeous coloring materials and handed them to the little girl.

Laurel hugged her and kissed her before running back to grab the coloring book she loved so much.

"You need to stop spoiling her with all of these gifts" Sara smiled. She appreciated Nyssa's efforts but she was getting embarrassed. Nyssa had spent so much on her gifts and they don’t even give her anything in return.

"I have a soft spot for Laurel, you know that" They talked for some time while Laurel colored. They talked about the mission and how Sara was, how she was settling in the new house and other things. Moments later Nyssa joined Laurel as they colored flowers and swirls.

They heard laughter and hushed voices coming toward them. Sara immediately recognized those voices and she stilled. Her eyes immediately locked on Nyssa's. She didn’t think that Ava would come home anytime soon. She was suddenly anxious of what Ava might think; after all she didn’t ask permission for Nyssa to be here.

When both Ava and her sister stopped at the living room she started talking. “Ava, hey. I’m sorry I didn’t get to tell you but umm…this was a little unexpected" She introduced Nyssa and both women shook hands

The tension grew in the house. Both women are intimidating in their own right but with both of them intimidating each other, was a completely different story. Sara can barely breathe so she tried standing up. When her legs failed her both Ava and Nyssa came to her rescue. They almost had a stare down competition where they stood but Ava lets her go first. She leaned closer to Nyssa for support.

"Nice to finally meet you Ava, Sara has told me all about you" yeah right when they talked on drunken nights where she cried and talked shit about their marriage and how much she hated Ava on the phone.

She almost hid herself under the sofa when Ava replied. "Funny, she never said anything about you" Ava smiled, her gaze shifted from Nyssa to Sara and the shorter blonde looked down to the floor unable to look at her ex-wife straight in the eyes.

"Hey little bean, what you got there?" the taller blonde placed the heavy box on the floor and kissed her daughter on the cheeks.

"Aunt Nyssa gave them to me" the little girl smiled. Sara almost stopped breathing. She knew Ava and she knew what was going on her mind and with Nyssa starting to act territorial it’s not going to go well. She adds this meeting in the list of possible fights in the future she needs to get ready for. 

"That’s so nice of her. Did you say thank you?" the tone of Ava's voice seemed sarcastic but it was subtle. The little girl nodded. Ava asked for a kiss on the cheek and little Laurel gladly gave her one.

"Hey Nyssa, you’re back in town?" she heard her sister speak up. She finally sat back down the sofa unable to stand any longer.

"Only for a couple of days, came to check in on this one. I had to know from Oliver." Oliver and Nyssa were almost engaged, arranged by their families but it never came to pass. Now they remain sort of friends.

"Oliver told you and yet never visited" she rolled her eyes. She was joking of course she knew that the mayor was busy with a city to run.

"You know how Ollie is" Laurel replied.

***

Ava finally stood and cleared her throat grabbing everyone's attention. "Laurel and I should take these to the guest room." She looked at her ex- sister in law in an _'I need to speak to you in private'_ look in which she understood quickly. 

"Nyssa? Really? It’s been just a year and she moved on already?" she exasperatedly whispered when they were out of earshot. She sloppily opened the door with one hand and kept on ranting. "Laurel even called her Aunt Nyssa! I mean why wouldn’t she like her? She bribes her with gifts…" her ranting stopped when she saw Laurel smiling.

"What? Why are you smiling like an idiot?" she asked.

"I’ll tell you when you tell me why you’re acting like a jealous teenager" her brows furrowed.

"I am not a jealous teenager!" She replied deadpan. Of course she isn’t. Why would she be jealous? Aside from the fact that Nyssa was tall, dark-haired and a fake brit there is nothing to be jealous of. Laurel had that smug face on with the look _'really?'_ plastered all over her face.

"I am an annoyed teenager" she replied with squinted eyes. Laurel _laughed._ She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "But seriously… are they?" they started taking out the things in the box.

"I’m not supposed to tell. Sister Confidentiality" Laurel placed the picture frame in the side table.

"Oh come on Laurel, were sisters too, you said it yourself were the…the Law Sisters and it’s not really nice that you’re taking Sara's side on this one. It hurts" she continued refolding the clothes and stacked them.

"Guilt trip. A new low for you Sharpe" Ava continued to fold. "Fine. Only coz I love you" the taller blonde grinned. She pumped her fist down and murmured a quiet _yes!_ in triumph.

Laurel told her the things Sara talked to her about. How their friendship turned into something more after one kiss. She told Ava that Sara liked Nyssa and she made her happy. Ava's heart sank. It hurt to hear that Sara was moving on but she couldn’t really blame her.

"Thanks Laur" she said, her tone a little disappointed.

"If it makes any difference, I’m still rooting for you" the other woman winked. 

Laurel left her in the room to think things through. A million thoughts ran on her mind. It was stupid that she is feeling this way. She knew from the moment she stepped out of the plane that she had nothing to come back to here but their daughter, but she couldn’t blame herself, she loved Sara.

*** 

Ava was getting more and more pissed. Nyssa wanted to take Laurel out for ice cream and given that Sara is incapacitated she was the one who had to go with them. Laurel volunteered to stay with Sara. There was a local shop near the city, the favorite of the family, and apparently Nyssa too.

Every tradition they used to have, Nyssa knew. Her daughter and the brunette spoke as she drove. They talked about how Nyssa took her to the zoo and that she missed Laurel so much. She spoke as if she and Laurel had a tight knit relationship and she hated her for it. True she wasn’t jealous of Nyssa and Sara but she sure was jealous of the closeness her daughter have with this stranger, the closeness they’re supposed to have, _used_ to have. 

_Ava fetched Laurel from ballet class every single day to meet with Sara in their favorite local ice cream shop. They would order the largest bowl and share it together. Every single time was a treat because Laurel gets to choose. She'd pick different flavors and toppings to keep things interesting._

_The little girl would tell them about her class and how well her day went. They would enjoy the cold treat filled with laughter._

_"Can mommy have some?" Sara opened her mouth and the little girl immediately scooped out the ice cream, bubble gum and strawberry flavor drenched in chocolate sauce and sprinkles._

_Her heart warmed seeing her girls. She laughed at her wife when her face was stained with chocolate. "Baby you have a little something" she wiped the chocolate off and met her with a kiss._

_Laurel, who was being extra playful dipped her finger on the side of the bowl and swiped the chocolate on Ava's nose. "Oh Honey! What did you do?" she playfully pinched the little girls nose. She took a tissue and wiped it off._

_Her wife and daughter were cooking up an evil plot while she was distracted. They put chocolates on their lips and caught her off guard._

_"Attack!" Sara ordered. She didn’t time to cover her face when she was showered with sticky, chocolatey kisses._

Ava itched to come home. She hated every bit of this trip but Laurel loved it. She was enjoying and genuinely having fun and she felt left out. She was silent the entire time. They decided to take the ice cream back at the house.

If the world was trying to get under her nerves it is doing a pretty good job. Nyssa was apparently invited for dinner because Laurel wanted Aunt Nyssa to stay. She had to sit through the entire thing with a fake smile. Good thing Sara's sister was there. It made the entire thing bearable. 

She didn’t talk much just the occasional nodding and brief replies. The dinner could be best described as awkward. 

"So Nyssa, tell us what you do again?" She asked, interrupting the fun conversation the other woman had with little Laurel.

"I umm.. I work for my father. We own a private security company" Nyssa replied. "If you’re interested I can arrange something for you seeing you’re a big time and all" Ava doesn’t know if she is overanalyzing everything but her tone was almost insulting.

"Interesting, but I can manage" she replied with a smug smile on her face.

Thankfully Nyssa didn’t stay longer. She didn’t know how long she could hold the façade anymore.

Nana Anne took Laurel to bathe and she and Sara saw everyone out. She was about to push her wheelchair when Sara spoke.

"I can take care of myself" It sounded a little cold. 

"Do we have a problem?" Ava asked. She wasn’t stupid. There was something bothering Sara but she didn’t push.

"Nothing" Sara used her hands to turn the wheels of the wheelchair, her back against her. She was about to reply when the shorter blonde turned around. "Actually, we do. I was going to apologize for surprising you with Nyssa but the way you acted today was unacceptable." 

Oh Sara was angry, but all the pent up annoyance she held was starting to bubble up too. First day and they were already starting a fight. She wanted to stop herself before she spoke, she wanted to apologize and walk away but she needed to blow off some steam.

"I was acting unacceptable? Hey! Your girlfriend waltzed in here thinking it was okay to steal the day with her British accent and expensive gift showers to win our little girl over. You’re not happy with how I acted but guess what I wasn’t actually all psyched to have her here." 

"Wow! What is the matter with you? She was kind and nice the entire time she was here! The same thing couldn’t be said about you." Their voices were starting to get louder. The conversation became more and more heated as they went on.

This almost feels like what they do before. The littlest of things can expand to a more intense conversation and this is what they’re doing right now. It started out with Nyssa and then they brought up how Ava had made little effort to see Laurel.

"Maybe if you showed up on days that actually mattered you wouldn’t feel so threatened by people who you think would steal your daughter's attention!" Sara almost tried standing up. 

Everyone had things bottled up, everyone had a lot to say and it’s pouring out, hatred and bitterness along with it. The conversation went on and on but they craved for more, they ached for more. This is who they are. One would always be a bomb and the other a fire. When they meet all hell breaks loose. 

"Bullshit Ava! For once please stop using what you’ve been through as an excuse for everything you’ve done to ruin this marriage!"

"Excuse?! Hell you have no idea what I have been through! So don’t even pretend that you know because you don’t know how it feels to.." She didn’t even finish the sentence when Sara cut her off

"To what?! I lost a child that day too Ava!" Sara finally had the strength to stand up. She took a step closer to the taller blonde. "I lost him too and you weren’t the only one who was hurting" she said with a lower but stern voice. Tears started to form in her eyes.

A tear fell from Ava's cheeks. She felt weak. She couldn’t bring herself to speak because Sara was right it was her fault, _everything_ was her fault.

_They had experienced miscarriage before. It was the first time Ava carried and she lost the baby before they knew she was pregnant. The doctor said it was normal. The odds of carrying at the first go with invitro are low so they didn’t give up and tried again._

_Laurel was two now and they wanted to add a new member in the family. Months after the miscarriage, Ava became pregnant. They were excited. Finally their little princess will have a little brother or sister._

_Ava loved the idea of becoming a mom, with her carrying this time around but she hated the thought of not having to go to work. So she begged Sara to let her continue practicing. She promised to do light work and take things easy._

_It wasn’t long before she was in her second trimester. They already started buying things for the nursery. It was already repainted with a neutral color so that it would be easier when they found out the baby's gender which later on was revealed to be a he._

_Around this time however Ava had been working on a tough case. A client was wrongly accused of third degree murder and a man in deep pockets wanted him prosecuted. Ava worked day and night to win the case that it took a toll on her._

_Sara was worried of course she would warn her that it wasn’t safe for the baby to be in a stressful environment and she didn’t listen._

_In the middle of the trial, the interrogation of the witness got heated. Suddenly she felt a sharp pain on her lower back and a burning pain in her core. She tried to ignore it but the pain persisted._

_"are you okay attorney?" the judge asked. The pain grew stronger and she felt a pool of hotness running down her legs._

_She knew what was happening and she was familiar with it only this time it’s much more painful._

_The next thing she knew she was laying down in a hospital bed, feeling numb. Her thoughts were interrupted when somebody opened her door. It was Sara, panting from a supposed run from the parking lot._

_"Aves" Sara was blurred by the tears that formed in her eyes. She couldn’t hold all the guilt and sadness in anymore. Seeing her wife with a worried and confused look pushed her over the edge._

_"I’m sorry" that was all she could say over and over again. No apology could make up for what she has done. She was the reason their baby is dead. She killed him._

_"I didn’t mean to Sara.. I didn’t mean to" she was shaking. She held on to her wife, finding the strength to ground herself but she couldn’t stop from crying ._

_Sara comforted her with words. She told her that things were okay, they were going to be okay and that it wasn’t her fault. The problem was that things didn’t feel okay. Everything hurt. She feels everything and nothing at the same time. There was no more familiar feeling in her stomach. The bump was empty and it meant nothing more than a mistake she caused._

_She hated herself. She hated work but it was better than seeing her wife and daughter every single day. She walked through the halls of her office and the courthouse feeling all the pain because she deserved it. She buried herself in work because it’s what she does best. After all work came before her child did, so she lived up to it._

_She drowned herself in scotch and cases just to avoid thinking about the reality, the guilt, but none of those things helped. She tried to fix herself, for Sara, for Laurel but how does one fix what she cannot face?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally revealed the cause of the divorce. SHOUT OUT to the person who commented that it was miscarriage! I know little anticlimactic but hey its a thing that happens. Anyways what do you think about this chapter?


	6. Friends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Mommy?" the little girl was playing with what’s left on her plate. "“Are you and mama fighting again?” She looked at Sara in the eyes. Ava almost choked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im back! I know its been forever and Im sorry to keep you waiting. I have been processing stuff for school lately and I have been sick. I dont want to make you wait any longer. Enjoy!

It's been three days since they last talked or screamed at each other to be precise. Despite being in the same house, they’ve barely seen each other. The meals were quiet and rushed. Laurel didn’t seem to mind the cold war between her two moms. She hasn’t asked questions yet and her parents were grateful for it. 

Ava was true to her word about spending time with Laurel. She and the little girl have gotten closer. Ava woke Laurel, cooked her meals, bathed her, watched cartoons and movies with her and they’ve spent the day before feeding birds and ducks in the park. At the end of the day the little girl would tell Sara what she and mama did.

Sara was _almost_ glad that her daughter and her ex-wife had spent the days together but all she did was worry. What ifs occupied her mind and the thought of them leaving and Ava going back to Ivy Town was causing too much stress. 

Zari and Amaya visited twice, Mick dropped by for some work advice and Laurel checked in on her every few hours. She had Nana Anne help her walk around the garden to exercise her still recovering body however she wasn’t patient enough. Stubborn Sara can’t wait to be better so she could leave soon and forget the past few days.

After their fight three days ago they retreated back to their respected rooms. She couldn’t help but let go of all her emotions and cried herself to sleep. She hasn’t done that in a while and she hated how it felt. She hated how she made herself sick thinking about the things she said to Ava and how she's hurt the both of them for bringing up the past. She crossed the line. 

Her anger and bitterness however was stronger. Neither apologized to the other and Sara was too proud to admit to Ava that she didn’t mean to be that harsh.

Little Laurel distracted her from her thoughts. The little girl wanted Sara to come and help Ava and Nana Anne cook pancakes and bacon. She couldn’t say no to the excited child who was already pulling her to the kitchen.

Her body was heavier than it usually was and she used the walls and furniture to help her walk to the kitchen. The aroma of cinnamon and butter welcomed her and her mouth watered. When Ava looked up their eyes locked then Ava _smiled_ at her. Her heart started beating fast.

Her ex-wife was wearing a white shirt and shorts, her bun sloppily placed on top of her head and she looked casual, relaxed… _beautiful._ She assumed Laurel was a huge contributor to the change in aura and appearance of Ava.

"You want to lend a hand?" says the taller blonde.

She cleared her throat. "Sure, what can I do?" she moved closer to the station where Ava was mixing the batter.

"Here, keep mixing then you scoop them to the pan when you’re through" she gladly took over the duty. She can’t shake how domestic and familiar this feels.

Laurel and Ava were having fun chopping up fruits for toppings. Occasionally the little girl would steal some and Ava would pretend to be shocked and catch her in action. When she resumed putting batter in the pan Laurel moved to help.

She let her measure out the batter and helped her pour in the pan. As much as she didn’t want to admit they were having _fun._ Ava played music moments later which spiced things up. Laurel danced as they cooked and they were all amused by the little girl.

Laurel plated her own food. She made fun shapes out of her pancakes and drew on them with syrup. Mommy helped and Mama too. They both were situated on either side of their daughter and watched her get creative with her food.

"That’s amazing little bean who taught you that?" Ava said kissing her daughter. "We have a little artist in our midst"

"Mommy makes these always" the little girl responded.

"Yeah? Mommy cooks for you? How is your kitchen still intact?" the taller blonde surprisingly joked.

"Hey! That was one time!" Sara responded in her defense. 

_The smoke detector wailed in the now clouded kitchen. Sara was attempting to make the famous Lance Family chicken cacciatore and she is failing miserably. Smoke filled her lungs as she opened the oven. She tried to clear the air by swatting the smoke away from her face._

_"What in the world is going on babe?" She didn’t see who it was but judging by the voice it was Ava._

_"I made dinner. Or I tried to at least" She turned around with a frown on her face and the burnt dish on her hands._

_"That’s it you’re officially banned in the kitchen." the taller blonde took the baking dish in her hands. "Thanks for trying babe but you and the kitchen…aint gonna happen" Ava gave her a quick peck on the lips. If that was her attempt on taking the frown off her face it didn’t work._

_"hey! you love my cooking" Sara pouted even more._

_"I do?" she asked with a scrunched up face which earned her a slap from Sara. "Yes! Yes I do."_

When they realized they were talking again and enjoying each other’s company they suddenly became quiet. They ate their breakfast and listened to Laurel talk. The little girl always enjoyed talking. She loved being creative and her parents loved her for it

If they were still married now, moments such as this were treasured. Eating together was a traditional thing and they always made sure to have time for the little girl, may it be breakfast or taking her to ballet school or fetching her.

"Mommy?" the little girl was playing with what’s left on her plate. "“Are you and mama fighting again?” She looked at Sara in the eyes. Ava almost choked.

“No baby. How can you say that? Mama and I cooked breakfast together. See? Were okay” she looked at Ava who nodded to her in support.

“But you barely talk. You don’t play with mama and me” the little girl frowned. 

“Hey babe? Mommy can’t play with us because her tummy still aches but I promise when she is better she’s going to play with us okay?” She wiped the chocolate from Laurel’s lips. She coaxed the little girl to finish her breakfast and asked Nana Anne to bathe her afterwards

When the little girl was taken upstairs Sara and Ava were finally left alone together. With Nana Anne occupied of taking care of Laurel, the taller blonde volunteered to help Sara to the room.

“I can do this alone Ava you don’t need to help me” said the shorter blonde. “I can walk now” she said standing up from her chair

“I think the better word for it is limp” Ava rushed to her side and placed her hand firmly on Sara’s waist. 

Her presence was familiar. If she didn’t stop herself she would’ve melted. Ava’s strong hands helped remove some of the weight she had to carry. Their close proximity made her anxious and she could tell that Ava was too. 

When they finally reached the room Ava gently let her go. She slowly eased herself down the bed and Ava tucked her in comfortably. The taller blonde was about to leave when she remembered something.

“Ava?” She asked. 

“Yeah?” She replied almost too quickly.

“Can you get the med kit in the drawer I need to dress my wound” it was usually Nana Anne or one of the helpers that helped her dress but she could do it herself now and she didn’t want to bother anyone.

Ava silently looked for the kit. She raised the first bag she grabbed. “That’s the one” Sara replied. "What are you doing?” Sara asked when Ava sat beside her on the bed. 

“I’m dressing you” she replied like it was the obvious answer. “Up up” she pointed on her shirt. 

Sara froze and her mouth went dry. “My-my shirt?” She swallowed the lump on her throat. She didn’t mean to stutter and sound like a complete idiot but she didn’t expect Ava to be so casual about it.

“Yes your shirt” Ava readied the things she will use on the tray. Sara lifted her shirt up just below her breasts.

After Ava sanitized her hands she put on gloves and started removing the tape on her stomach. She couldn’t help but stare at her ex-wife while she does so. "Do I have something on my face?” Ava said killing the silence. She looked up to meet Sara’s gaze.

"No. This is just weird” she laid back and let Ava do her thing.

She usually loved it when they’re not talking because no talking means no fighting but with Ava being so thoughtful and kind in the past days she felt like she owed her a conversation. She tried of thinking of what to say. Should she apologize first? Or should she make small talk and apologize later?

“Ava” “Sara” they said in unison. _Great way to make things extra complicated than it usually is._ She thought to herself. 

“You go first” Said Sara but Ava insisted she go first and knowing her ex-wife she just went with it. 

“I shouldn’t have said things that I’ve said that night. I’m sorry.” She started “I know it wasn’t easy for you and I know that you love Laurel so much. I can’t blame you for leaving. I can’t blame you for feeling what you feel. I really am sorry Aves.” The nickname came out naturally. 

“Yeah I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to be harsh to Nyssa, I was just jealous I guess. She was really close with Laurel and I felt that bad that she spent more time with our girl than I did” 

Ava continued to dress her wound. “I really want us to get along Sara. Not just for Laurel but for us too. Things ended badly for us and I want to fix that” she saw the sincerity in the taller blonde’s eyes when she looked up.

Her blue orbs spoke to her and a huge part of her wants to believe it, wants to make things right “me too” she answered. 

They finally talked calmly for the first time in a while. They talked about Laurel and how she missed her when she left, how it was like for Ava in Ivy town and how she coped with her loss. More apologies were said along the way until Ava finally finished dressing her wound.

“I’m glad we had this talk” Ava said as she stood up from the bed.

“Me too. Thank you for helping me” she smiled genuinely. She couldn’t remember the last time they had a light conversation and it feels amazing. She couldn’t help but think that there was hope in them fixing at least their friendship.

***

The door clicked shut and Ava could finally breathe again. Her heart was beating fast and her hand was cold and sweaty.

She didn’t think dressing Sara’s wound was a mistake until she lifted her shirt. She recalled the very moment she laid eyes on Sara’s toned abdomen. She placed every ounce of self-control not to think about _other_ things.

It wasn’t the first time she dressed Sara's wounds, she had done it many times that she knew what her scars looked like, when it happened and what caused it. For a detective, Sara was pretty reckless. She dove on danger constantly, mission after mission, and she would always have scratches and bruises and sometimes wounds that cut deep. Thankfully though, she never experienced life threatening injuries, until now.

_Sara hissed through the pain as Ava dabbed the ice pack on her lips. "Did that hurt?" she asked. It was one of those days where her fiancée would come home with more bruises than she usually had and a few cuts here and there._

_"Little bit" Sara held the pack on her face while Ava took off her shoes._

_The taller blonde hated seeing her battered and sore but she knew she couldn’t stop Sara from doing her job. She loved it too much. The frown on her face was maybe too evident because Sara noticed it immediately._

_"You have that face again." Sara whispered as she leaned against the headboard of the bed._

_"what face?" she tried to hide the expression but it was already too late._

_"come here" her fiancée coaxed. She sat in front of her on the bed and Sara immediately snaked her arms on her waist. She felt her chin on her shoulder. "I need you to stop worrying babe" she whispered on the crook of her neck_

_She closed her eyes and melted on Sara's warmth. She paused for a second, inhaling her scent and gathering her strength "I can’t" she turned to face Sara. "What if it’s not just bruises and cuts the next time around? What if it's bullets that make you bleed the next time a mission goes south? Or a knife? Or worse? I hate waking up every morning, bidding you good bye and thinking if you could come back home to me. I’m scared Sara. Always" She felt the tears burn her eyes._

_"Hey, your future wife is a badass. I can take care of myself okay? I don’t want you thinking about those things. I know its hard baby but you gotta try . When did I ever not come back home to you? I can’t promise anything but I swear, I will do my best to keep safe”_

_She held Sara's hands tightly and gave them a kiss. She nodded and wiped the tears that started to fall on her cheeks. "I don’t want to lose you"_

_"you won't" If it only took assurance for her to feel safe she would’ve been by now but every day still she worried. Every day she thought about Sara's cases and if her last text or her last coffee with her was going to be the last one they ever do but every day Sara proved her wrong, because every day, Sara came home._

The doorbell _rang twice_ before she finally snapped from her thoughts. Ava carried herself gracefully to the front door. When she finally opened it, the other side held a surprise she never expected.

"Hello dear" the voice was clear and gentle but mind you it was full of authority. The older woman at the other side of the door smiled. 

Ava's jaw fell open _"mom?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mama Sharpe is in town! Who is with her? mehehe. Soft chapter because I dont want to feed you angst all the time. How was that?


	7. Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We need you there so we could show the world a united front” Victoria raised both her brows. She took a piece of grape from the tray and popped it in her mouth.
> 
> “But not just me” it didn’t take her long to realize. “You want Sara to be there too”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im so sorry for leaving you hanging and not updating soon. My classes started and I didnt expect it to be hectic immediately. I was so busy and tired and unmotivated. But finally I finished writing this chapter. I hope you guys understand. I feel really bad. Thank you for being patient and thank you for reading.Anyways enjoy.
> 
> P.S I may not be able to update my other story a lot. To those who read Mrs. and Mrs. Lance I will update as soon as I can have time to sit down and write.

Ava didn’t expect that she and Sara would make up this soon based on their past experiences but one thing that shook her more was the fact that her mom, who was miles away in Ivy town hours ago, was now sipping tea on their living room couch. Her father was soon to follow. He was still doing business in their hometown and they expect him to arrive the next day.

Ava's childhood experiences with her parents were not fun nor were they memorable. Both her mom and dad were always swamped with work and they rarely see each other at home. That means no good morning kisses, no helping her with homework, no tucking her in bed and no sharing of feelings. 

It was okay when she was a child but when high school rolled in she started hating not having her parents for school meetings, important awarding and contests and most importantly she hated that they never witnessed her grow into a fine young woman.

Thankfully her parents weren’t as big of jerks as she thought they were. When she decided to take law instead of working at _the Bureau_ they agreed with a few conditions and contract signings along with it. 

Her parents weren’t just like any other parents that would simply visit their child because they miss them. Hers were the _'we have a business in town, I came to judge your decisions'_ type. Not that she hates their visits but her being caught off guard was the problem.

"Ava" her mother called her attention. "What is this I’ve been hearing about you and your ex-wife getting back together?" her blue eyes matched her own. Victoria was poised, elegant and a little terrifying if you first encounter her but the soft spoken and wise woman was actually not that bad.

"No mother, Sara was injured in a mission so I… "

"So you move her back in your old house and rekindle old flames?" the older woman raised her brows.

"No mom, I wanted to be with Laurel" she gets to the point when she realized that her mother was not going to let this one go easily.

Victoria had her doubts about Sara when she and Ava started dating up until they were married. Though Sara was unaware of the riches Ava had when they first met, the older woman still felt protective of her daughter.

Sara proved her wrong however when they got married and built a family together. Sara was modest, never asked for more than she should and never spent a cent of the Sharpe's wealth and only asked so little of Ava.

"Speaking of, where is my granddaughter?" The older woman gently raised her teacup to her lips. 

When Laurel was born, the tension between Sara and her mom dialed down. Her mother loved Laurel and they visited her as often as they can. It came as a shock to both her and Sara that they paid so much attention when they rarely had time for her when she was younger.

"She’d be down in a minute" as if on cue, Laurel carefully ran down the stairs, Nana Anne not far behind her.

"Gammy!" the little girl ran towards the living room. Laurel made a complete halt when she reached the couch. She tiptoed to reach her grandmothers cheeks.

Victoria lit up. She and the little girl began talking about how it feels to be back in their house and if mommy had been taking good care of her "mommy has a tummy ache" the little girl frowned. "Mama played with me though. We went to the park and fed the birdies and ducks"

"Did you now?" Ava was getting more and more anxious.

Sara was resting in the room and couldn’t be with her. Usually when her mother visits, Sara would be there for moral support. Her presence would calm her nerves and now she only has the memory of that to cling to. 

“What are you really doing here mom?” Ava poured herself a cup of tea casually breaking contact to look at her mother. 

“Well I came to see the result of this impulsive decision.” The older woman eyed the room. “And your father and I are hosting a gala for one of the charities we support here in Star City of course” Ava almost rolled her eyes 

“It’s always business with you and dad isn’t it?” She took a sip of the tea and savored the flavor. 

“We also decided...” Victoria placed her cup in the saucer “to name final auction piece in the event in honor of our granddaughter” she stroked Laurel’s head who was sitting quietly beside her grandmother, playing with the hem of her dress. 

“We need you there so we could show the world a united front” Victoria raised both her brows. She took a piece of grape from the tray and popped it in her mouth. 

“But not just me” it didn’t take her long to realize. “You want Sara to be there too” 

“Why yes of course. All these rumors are bad for the company, it needs to be...” the older woman waved her hand gently in the air to find the right words “turned around” 

“But Sara showing up with me and the gala with Laurel will send the message that...” she trailed her sentence when she realized what her mother wants them to do “you want them to think we’re getting back together?” 

“Well, honestly I don’t really care as long as you show up together” Victoria smiled. 

Ava knew her mother was up to something. Their image was tarnished when her divorce with Sara was filed. Her miscarriage earned her sympathy of the people but still the divorce became the talk of many and issues of cheating and Ava being infertile rose with it. The family was quiet for the duration of that in respect to her and her loss. 

Honestly, she didn’t quite think of the rumors and paparazzi that may happen when she invited Sara to stay in their old house. She hardly thought of the press and forgot that she was the daughter of the infamous William Sharpe. She silently cursed herself for not seeing this come. 

“I don’t think Sara would agree” Ava eyed the older woman with clear disappointment in her face. 

“She will. Once you convince her.” her tone was gentle but full of certainty “Its one night. She doesn’t have to do anything at all but to stand and smile for the cameras” the older woman scoffed. 

“I can try” Ava was a lawyer, an excellent debater and a good speaker but when it comes to her mother there was no debating. It was her will she followed. A fear she is yet to overcome. She didn’t know how it started but she found herself growing to fear her parents. They never raised a hand on her or anything but they project an aura she doesn’t dare to penetrate.

"Good" Victoria stood up and ran her hand to smooth her skirt. When Ava realized it was her mother’s cue she stood up as well. "As I’ve said earlier, I won’t be staying long." she gathered her bag and one of the housemaids brought her coat.

"Your father's assistant will send you the details. I _trust_ you'll be there" the older woman kissed Laurel's forehead and kissed Ava' cheeks and hugged her goodbye. 

"Sara" She can see her mother's smile over her shoulder.

She turned around to see her ex-wife, still on her sleeping clothes, clutching her stomach. "Hey, did you need anything?" she asked.

"No I was about to check in with Laurel. Victoria hi. It’s…a surprise seeing you" The shorter blonde leaned closer to one of the sofas.

"You too dear although I can’t stay and chat. I’m sure Ava will tell you why I came" the older woman replied with hinting in the tone of her voice. 

A chorus of goodbye followed through as Victoria left the house. Sara shot Ava a questioning look when the door shut close.

"Suddenly she decided to be grandma of the year" Sara said with sarcasm after Ava filled her in with her parents plan for the gala. "What’s the catch?" the taller blonde furrowed her brows. "It’s your mom, there is always a catch" Sara replied to the unspoken question.

"Right, so she wants you to come with" Ava sipped her now cold tea to suppress the real reason behind her mother asking.

"That’s it? I don’t think your mom would bother to come here just to invite me to come to her stupid party" when she noticed the look on Ava's face she ran her tongue on her upper molar. "Oh"

Ava explained to Sara what her mother wanted to happen. About the press and how they should project a united and strong family and the charity event would be the best place to do that. Sara was confused for a second, and then she became angry.

"so she wants us to get back together?" she says exasperatedly, her hand clutching the wound in her stomach.

"It isn’t like that." she started. "She just wants us to look like were not fighting and screaming at each other like what we’ve been doing a couple years back. I mean we don’t have to do anything at all. You just have to be there" 

"Fine. If I have to do anything other than be there I’m out" Sara sighed heavily.

"You might have to be in a dress and heels" Ava scrunched her face, one eye closed. The apology was evident in her face but so was the unspoken _please._

"Only because I stay in your house" Sara left without another word and receded back to her room. Ava whispered a quiet thanks and made a few phone calls to arrange their fitting.

***

Sara was not new to the parties, the festivities and other extra things the Sharpe's do on their spare time. She herself had gone on quite a few ever since she and Ava dated. Though her relationship was kept private, she was Ava's plus one on important events and company gatherings. So when she was asked by Ava earlier today to attend some gala, she was annoyed. 

Clearly it wasn’t her duty anymore and she hated wearing dresses and high heels plus she was still injured. She would’ve said no if it was any other occasion but she was staying with Ava and Laurel was involved. She also wanted to keep an eye on her daughter.

Laurel was occasionally brought along in some events but she was never brought to an auction and knowing the span of her daughter’s attention, she will be bored and her spending the entirety of it with people she rarely gets see is a terrible idea. 

She remembers the first time Ava took her to an event. It was for Ava's father's birthday and they had a party in Ivy Town. It was the first time Ava finally addressed to her how rich they really are.

_"Aren’t we supposed to check in first?" Sara said following her girlfriend to the door._

_"Well that’s the beauty of having a private jet Lance" Ava turned around to face her and winked._

_"Private jet?" she said with her brows furrowed._

_It was a private jet indeed. Sara had never experienced the special treatment in an airplane before but now she was living the dream. She and Ava were the only ones in the plane being served with amazing food and champagne._

_"Ava, how did you afford this? I know you’re rich but this is next level." She looked around the empty seats. "Seafood? champagne?"_

_The business talk was then opened. Victoria and William were further discussed and their wealth was revealed. Suddenly Sara didn’t want to be in the trip anymore, she wants to jump off the plane and land wherever._

_She and Ava had been dating for 5 months and she introduced the other woman to her parents but Ava was always hesitant to talk about her parents. All she knew was they had money and she went her separate way. She didn’t push the taller blonde to talk about them instead she focused on her._

_She was beyond shocked when she found out the truth about the Sharpes. She was so anxious and tipsy that she threw up in the plane. When they arrived at the manor she was all kinds of terrified and sick._

_Meeting Ava's parents were one of the worst nights of her life. The birthday party was much worse. She knew no one and everything was extra fancy. People with deep pockets flooded the room and it was suffocating._

_"Ava" she whispered when Ava moved to leave her side. She was about to give a speech about her dad and Sara was suddenly afraid to be alone in the crowd._

_"You will be fine" the taller blonde gave her a quick peck and delivered her speech. All the while Sara was rubbing her knuckles and biting her lip. She knew no one and everyone was staring at her._

_She wasn’t the type to overthink but she genuinely knows in her heart that all the people in the room are judging. "They are staring at me" she whispered in Ava's ear as they danced to the soft music._

_"Because you are stunning" Ava smiled sweetly. "You’re doing great babe"_

_"Yeah, if I take one more step these heels would snap" Sara rolled her eyes. Her feet were tired and aching. Her gown was itchy and her make up feels like its dripping down her face._

_Ava gave her a kiss "Let’s get out of here" Ava pulled her to the hallway, shoes in one hand her girl's hand on the other. They giggled like children, made out like teenagers and enjoyed the rest of the night eating ice cream and watching movies in hotel robes._

The soft knock on the door interrupted her reading. She was so engrossed on the novel she didn’t know it was almost 9:30. The rain was pouring really hard, unusual to the warm weather of Star City. The door opened to show little Laurel with tears cascading her cheeks.

"Hey baby. Aren’t you supposed to be with mama?" she closed her book and placed it on the side table. She and Ava had been taking turns as to who Laurel sleeps with and today was Ava's night.

"Mama is sleeping." the little girl ran to her when the sky roared with thunder.

"hey, it’s okay sweetie mommy is here. Do you want to sleep with me tonight?" she stroke the little girl's forehead. She can feel her tears on the crook of her neck. Laurel shook her head slowly.

"no?" The little girl shook her head. "You want me to take you to mama?" the little girl sobbed and nodded.

Sara took the little girl's hand and walked her towards their old bedroom. She hasn’t been there since she left the house but there was a familiarity walking up the stairs and towards the room like she was drawn to it. 

Ava was already sleeping. She gently opened the door to avoid the creak that usually goes when the door is opened. Her ex-wife looked at peace and relaxed. It was unusual for Ava to sleep early but a lot of things were unusual today so she didn’t mind.

She assisted Laurel onto the bed and tucked her in. She kissed the little girl goodnight and smoothed her hair. She was about to leave when she felt someone tug her shirt. "stay mommy"

"babe…" another thunder cut her off. Laurel pulled the duvet over her head and whimpered. Seeing the little girl so scared and shaken moved her heart. She found herself rubbing Laurel's arm under the covers, telling her to scoot over. 

The king sized bed was more than enough room for the both of them. She was hesitant to climb up at first but she shouldn’t be shy anymore. She has slept in the very same bed for years but feeling the mattress against her skin felt alien.

Laurel instinctively snuggled closer to her. She hummed her the song her mother always sang to her and her sister when they were younger. Minutes later the little girl calmed and fell asleep.

She was still humming the song when another thunder woke Ava up. The sound of the rain hitting the roof was relaxing and soothing that she didn’t notice the other woman stirred.

"Sara?" she froze when she heard Ava.

"She woke up and went to my room crying." she gestured to Laurel

"Thunder?" the other woman's voice was groggy, still adjusting to waking up. She nodded in answer.

"she wanted to sleep beside you but she didn’t want me to leave her awake." Sara played at the edge of the duvet. "I can leave if you want" she whispered while propping herself up with her elbow.

Ava propped herself up too. Their distance was suddenly constricted to their daughter's size. "Don’t be silly. _Stay_ " A wave of nostalgia and feelings flooded Sara. The way Ava sounded when she whispered her to stay made her stomach flutter.

"Okay" she murmured under her breath.

"good night Sara" Ava's piercing blue eyes locked in her own. Suddenly she couldn’t breathe, her mind was scattered and a lump formed in her throat.

"good night" she whispered back.

Then Ava turned her back on her and hugged the pillow to her left. Sara looked down to her daughter and kissed her forehead. This house is bringing up so much of the past, it was terrifying and she couldn’t do anything tonight but to close her eyes and face her fears the next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whatcha think? Whatcha think? Your opinions and feedback matter and are very much appreciated!


	8. Mornings, Afternoons and Evenings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys! I have been really busy and I apologia for not updating regularly. Im trying to balance writing and school works and its been really hard to write lately. I have stuff due but I really wanted to update for you guys. I hope you like this chapter

She gradually goes back to her senses when she woke. The first thing that registers to her was the smell of the room from the lit candles the night before. The next was the smell of vanilla, from a shampoo or soap. The initial thought was it was her daughter. 

She pulls Laurel closer to her embrace and planted a soft kiss on her forehead. She snuggles her to her neck and adjusted herself to a comfortable position. She rubbed her back and noticed something different about this Laurel. This one has a wider back, more muscular and clearly not a body of a 4 year old. Then she remembered…

_It was an unusual night. A storm hit the ground. The sky poured, the lightning clapped and the thunders roared. She stirred when the first thunder resonated in the room but didn’t bother to wake. The second one however was louder and stronger._

_When she finally turned to check on her daughter she saw a figure she didn’t expect. “Sara?” at first she thought she was dreaming and that her mind was playing tricks on her but then her ex-wife replied_

_“She woke up and went to my room crying” the shorter blonde gestured to their daughter_

_“Thunder?” she rubbed her hands on her face._

_“She wanted to sleep beside you but she didn’t want me to leave her awake. I can leave if you want” Sara propped herself up using her elbows. Instinctively she did the same._

_The space suddenly became smaller and all of a sudden it was hard to breathe. They were too close that when a lightning struck she saw the freckles in her ex's nose, on her cheeks and the tiny spots near her lips._

_She swallowed the lump that formed in her throat “don’t be silly. Stay” her voice was just above a whisper, still out of breath from the rush of emotions._

_Sara’s eyes were darkened by the room but it didn’t stop them from being mesmerizing. She found herself locked to it._

_“Okay” Sara whispered back._

_A part of her wanted Sara to leave but a greater part of her wanted her to stay. After being alone for more than a year she never knew she ached to be held, to be touched. She missed the warmth of sleeping with another person on the bed. She missed being kissed, being loved._

_“Good night” Ava finally managed._

_It took her every ounce of willpower to turn her back away from Sara. She held the pillow tightly, wishing it was something else, someone else._

Her heart started beating fast. If the person she is embracing is the one who she thinks it to be then things are another universe of complicated. She wanted to play it cool. So she did the stupidest thing she could think of.

Ava opened one eye and when her thoughts were confirmed she immediately shut them close, tightly. She tried removing Sara’s arm that was wrapped around her waist. When the other woman stirred she stilled and pretended to be asleep.

She felt Sara waking up so she waited. She waited until the other woman was fully aware of the situation and when she finally was, the taller blonde ‘yawned’.

She opened her eyes to see Sara scurrying away from her. She ex-wife had a confused look on her face “what happened?” the shorter blonde scratched her temple.

“I... I don’t know” she felt stupid. Her cheeks grew hot red when she remembered that she pretended to be sleeping just to save herself from embarrassment.

“Where is...” before Sara could finish the sentence a tiny voice pierced through the room.

“Good morning mommy! Good morning mama!” The little girl had the sweetest smile. She held her favorite stuffed toy in her hand, perfectly still in the center of the edge of the bed. 

“Good morning little bean” Ava smiled awkwardly.

And before she could ask Sara took the words right out of her mouth. “Where were you sweetheart? Come here.” Sara gestured the girl to come over. She looked at Ava almost apologetically.

Laurel sat between Sara’s crossed legs. The shorter blonde planted a quick kiss on their daughter’s forehead. “I went looking for Beebo because he was scared of the thunder” the blue toy giggled. “Then when I came back mommy was already in my spot”

Ava saw Sara grimace and she couldn’t help but let out a tiny laugh. That however, earned her a scowl from her ex-wife.

Mornings like this were common when they were married. They would wake up to Laurel snuggled between them in the bed whenever she sneaks in the middle of the night like a little ninja or the little girl jumping up and down the bed with excitement. 

However mornings like this stopped when she lost their boy. Ava couldn’t remember the last time they woke up feeling enthusiastic about starting the day. She couldn’t remember the last time Laurel would wake them up in the most interesting of ways like the one that involved her new toothbrush and princess toothpaste.

Ava missed this kind of happiness. For a moment she regretted leaving, she regretted pushing her wife and daughter away. For a moment she wanted everything back.

“You are so sneaky!” she pinched Laurel’s tiny nose and poked her side. The little girl laughed and giggled; music to Ava’s ears. All she wanted was to hear it over and over again. 

She reached for the little girl’s neck and tapped her hands over it. Laurel squirmed in Sara’s arms and giggled uncontrollably. Ava took her and placed her on her lap. She showered their daughter with kisses while she tickled her tummy.

“mama! No! Mommy help me!” the little girl screamed in between laughs. “mommy!” 

Sara was laughing. She was enjoying what she was seeing and suddenly it gave Ava the idea. She stopped tickling the little girl and whispered her plan in her ears. Laurel giggled and placed a hand in her mouth. 

Ava and Laurel dramatically turned their heads toward Sara. It took the shorter blonde a second to figure out what the girls were planning but when she finally did, horror was displayed in her face.

“No” she held up her pointer finger as if it would make a difference.

Ava grinned. “What was that?”

“Ava!” Sara’s protest however, was too late.

“Go!” Laurel lunged first, then Ava. They tickled Sara in every spot they could reach. Ava however, knew her weak spot. Sara’s sides were very ticklish. It only took few pokes and she was already out of breath. The shorter blonde rolled to her back and held her stomach while laughing.

“Stop!” Sara tried to cover her sides but Laurel was persistent. She followed where her mama poked. “I yield!” Ava laughed. She finally stopped but Laurel was still going. “I yield!” Sara pretended to be dying. When she lay still, unresponsive to Laurel’s pokes the little girl stopped.

Sara grabbed Laurel by the armpits and raised her up. She was short but hell she was strong. She lay Laurel in her torso and planted kisses all over her cheeks. 

Their eyes locked and for the first time in a while there was mutual respect there and it was genuine. For the first time in a while they were happy together.

***

_“What do you want from me Sara?! Huh?!” the door slammed behind her._

_“keep it down Aves, Laurel is downstairs” Sara always started out soft whenever they fight. This was not any different. Sara would try to talk to her and calm her down but it never works._

_“Why? You don’t want our daughter to know her mother pissed?” she turned around to look at her wife “that her mother is drunk?”_

_Sara was in the verge of tears like always. This time it didn’t pinch her heart. She was used to seeing them fall apart and self-destruct that it didn’t bother her anymore. Everything was just, numb._

_“Are you embarrassed Sara?!” she shouted. The alcohol burned her throat but it gave her the confidence to blurt out her feelings._

_Honestly, it’s been a while since she went home sober. It’s been a while since she went home early. Too early that she was in time for the family dinner she wanted to miss. Everyone was there; Laurel, Quentin and Dinah. And those very people saw her staggering her way through the living room._

_She refused help from Nana and almost made a scene when Sara offered to help which brought them to this moment. Sara followed her and helped her through the stairs and to their room._

_“Your drunk Aves let’s get you to the shower” Sara held her hand but she tossed it off._

_“I can take care of myself! I don’t need you” she spat out bitterly. Everyone was being extra helpful to her, extra nice and extra caring and she is sick of it. She hated feeling weak and everyone in her life is making her feel like she is._

_“I know. I just want to take care of you Aves” Sara pleaded with her eyes. Ava wanted to give in so badly. She wants to let Sara in but she was afraid of what might happen if she does. She lets Sara take her hand. “Let me”_

_Sara ran her a hot bath. She stayed with her in the tub, washed her hair, scrubbed her clean. For a moment they forget. They forget about the people downstairs, they forget about their fight. There was no one in there but them._

_The bath was silent, gentle, like they were treading dangerous waters, like any moment they would break and they did. Sara accidentally brushed the sponge in Ava’s stomach while she scrubbed. Ava grabbed her hand tightly. They both froze, not knowing what to do._

_Unexpectedly, the taller blonde relaxed. She lets Sara’s arms wrap around her. Her wife planted a chaste kiss on her neck and on her shoulders._

_Tears burned her eyes. Everything came rushing back and it made her feel everything. She clings on to Sara as she pours every bit of pain she was feeling. It was the first and last time she lets her in._

***

She wiped the shampoo as it cascaded down her face. Ava arranged a meeting with the family designer for their dresses to be worn on the auction day. After the tickling session when they woke they finally started their day.

The fitting was at 10, it was 7:30 now. Sara decided it would be better for them to get ready before breakfast. Laurel was being bathed in the upstairs bathroom and Ava was getting ready in the masters bathroom.

She hadn’t had the time to think about what happened earlier. Her waking up all cozy with Ava’s arms wrapped around her and that she and Laurel tickled her. The soft sound of the water hitting her skin allowed her to think about their ‘moment’ earlier.

Sara could not deny the fact that a part of her missed Ava. She missed the funny, relaxed and soft Ava. She wanted to see more of it. She thought through what earlier meant for the both of them. It wasn’t romantic. She thought to herself. At least she thinks it wasn’t. She doesn’t want it to be.

Yes she used to love Ava, but she wanted to explore other people. She and Nyssa were taking things slow but it was important to her. It was something she was looking forward to. Nyssa was fierce, strong and intelligent. She was more like Ava really but she didn’t realize that until now. 

She wrapped her body with a robe after drying herself. Her clothes had already been laid out for her by one of their maids. She insisted to dress her wound herself like she did with the many others she used to take care on her own. She put on a lose black dress. 

*** 

The fitting went the same way as they’ve done plenty of times before. Selections of premade custom dresses were presented to them, crafted from their old measurements. They spent a couple of hours choosing and fitting until they finally found the one for each of them. A few pins later their chosen attires were snug.

They were on the way home from lunch when a phone call took them by surprise. William arrived earlier today and the Sharpes want to have dinner together at the Ivy Wood Manor, their estate in Star City. It wasn’t just Ava who was invited, it was the entire 'family' and that included Sara.

“Why would you say yes?!” the shorter blonde scolded Ava. She closed the car door harder than she should have been.

Ava handed their daughter to nana Anne. “Sara it’s just dinner. How many times have you had dinner with my family?” It hurt to climb up the stairs while matching Ava’s pace but Sara didn’t want to lose this argument.

“Enough times for me to know it doesn’t go well! Ava!” She tried to get her to stop. Her abdomen is throbbing but Ava kept going up. “Sharpe don’t you dare…”

“What?!” Sara expected her to keep climbing so when the other woman abruptly turned she already took the landing of the stairs where Ava was still on causing them to lose balance.

Good thing her reflexes were fast and she was able to turn them. Ava caught her just in time and pulled her closer.

Different shades of blue clashed when their eyes met. The time didn’t stop, the world still went on but the only difference is that it didn’t matter. For a moment it didn’t. Sara swallowed the lump in her throat. 

They were so close, _again_ for the umpteenth time. The familiar pull was stronger. She wanted to lean in closer; she wanted to feel the warmth touch her skin.

A tingling sensation crept up her stomach. It wasn’t the same feeling as before. It wasn’t the butterflies like the books and poetry would describe, it was _painful._ It started out feeble but as seconds passed she couldn’t ignore it anymore.

 

She placed a hand on her stomach. “Take Laurel to that dinner, I don’t feel good” she whispered.

“Are you okay?” Ava asked, concerned by the sudden change of emotion.

“Yeah” she felt the pain subside. She took a step down the stairs.

“Do you want me to help you down?” Ava gently placed a hand on the small of Sara’s back.

“No, I’m okay”

***

Ava eyed her ex-wife as she slowly lowered herself down the flight of stairs. Sara leaving in the middle of an argument was so unlikely that she couldn’t help but worry.

“Hey Sara?” she bit her lip

“Yeah?” her ex-wife turned to face her.

“It would be nice to have you there. We go at 6” she smiled sadly. She knew that Sara would get what she meant; that she is more relaxed and comfortable having her there rather than sitting through an entire evening with her parents alone.

Sara just stared at her, contemplating and deciding what to do. When she didn’t answer, Ava's shoulders slumped in defeat.

She retreated back to her room and made a couple of calls and did some paperwork. She face-timed with her colleagues to discuss business details and cases they need to take. She kept herself busy in order to calm her nerves about the upcoming dinner. 

If Sara didn’t come, her mom would be disappointed and more importantly, she wouldn’t have a calming presence with her. She can’t blame the other woman. They were broken up; they were not responsible of accompanying each other to family dinners. Those days were over and she had herself to thank for that.

The hours went by fast. She and Laurel were already ready to leave. She eyed the closed guestroom door, hoping that Sara changed her mind. She had already lost hope when the door didn’t open. 

“Come on little bean, we have to go” Ava held the little girl’s hand, took a deep breath and turned around.

“Aren’t you going to wait for me?” she whispered a thank you in her mind when she heard the familiar voice. She turned to face Sara in a maroon sleeved dress.

“I thought…”

“Too much chitchat Sharpe. We’re going to be late” and the infamous Sara Lance _winked._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was that? tell me whatcha think! Love you guys. I may not reply to you but I read every single comment.


	9. Gala

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The infamous Sara Lance is afraid of a party and one Ava Sharpe might be able to get her through the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW BEFORE YOU KILL ME I APOLOGIZE for being so absent. Ive been gone for months and thats because I couldnt write while I was still in school. Now Im on a break so I was writing. I apologize for being gone for so long. I didnt mean to. I hope you are still willing to read my story.
> 
> Please continue reading because I promise I will keep updating until I finish this story. Its going to be a long journey. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Soft music played as everyone ate in the garden of the manor. Everyone was silent and tension was strongly felt by everyone except Laurel who occasionally would turn to her grandparents and talk.  Sara and Ava were thankful for the presence of the little girl. If it weren’t for Laurel everyone would be losing their minds. Sara was uneasy. The look given by Victoria wasn’t really warming up the chilly night.

"Ava dear, did you already visit Erica's?" Mrs. Sharpe asked. It was the first casual question she asked ever since they sat down.

"Yes mother. We already have dresses. Laurel too" the taller blonde replied. “Everything is all set, you don’t have to worry" she took a sip of her wine hoping it would give her the strength to get through the evening.

Sara can feel Ava's desperation even with their daughter between them. She wiped the sauce on Laurel's lip, trying to distract herself. She could tell that Ava doesn’t want to be here as much as she does.

"Sara" Sara liked William, he wasn’t disapproving like Victoria and he actually talks to her like a normal father in law. "How are you recovering? You can stand, that's a good sign right?"

Sara smiles, genuinely. "I've been doing great actually. Ava has been kind to offer the house for me and Laurel. I've been healing faster than expected"

"Is that your first gunshot wound?" he asks

"Third. This one was the worst though. The rest were just scratches." She doesn’t like talking about her wounds but she didn’t want to be disrespectful to Ava's father.

"Is the crime rate that bad in Star City? Mayor Queen should be concerned." Mrs. Sharp added. "After all, you are _close_ with him are you not?" she raised her brows implying that Sara and Oliver used to date way back when Oliver was dating her sister.

"Mom, I don’t think that’s a discussion for the dinner table." Ava' voice was stern, warning her mother to stop pressing. 

"All I'm saying is that I don’t want a harsh environment for my poor granddaughter" the older blonde took a sip of her wine. "If this goes on and you’re always putting your life on the line then don’t you think its best if my daughter held custody of Laurel?"

"Victoria" William warned.

Sara felt her blood boil. Her hands clinched the knife and the fork so tightly, her knuckles turned white. "With all due respect, I may be putting my life on the line but I never missed or never stopped being a good mother to my child. I always make sure she is loved, and safe and taken care of because it is my responsibility. I wouldn’t think you would relate, after all, even without putting your life on the line, you never knew how to be a mother to your own child"

The taller blonde stood. "I'm sorry William, but I’m afraid my daughter and I couldn’t stay any longer." Sara took Laurel's hand and left.

***

"Sara" Ava quickened her pace to catch up on her ex-wife. She can hear Laurel being upset that they were leaving before she could say good bye to her grandparents. "Sara, wait" she called again hoping that the shorter blonde stops.

"What!?" Sara was furious. Her blue orbs pierced through her and she couldn’t find herself to talk. "If you’re asking me to apologize to your witch of a mother, save it Sharpe, she's not gonna get any"

"I wasn’t going to. I was just worried you might hurt yourself. Slow down okay?" She saw her calm down a bit.

"mama, is gammy and mommy fighting?" the little girl bit her lip.

She crouched down to her daughter’s height and kissed her hands. "No sweetheart. Mommy just wasn’t hungry anymore so were going home, okay?" the little girl nodded.

"I promise you, when we get home, were going to watch a movie, whatever you want. And then were eating ice cream. Sound good?" Laurel' eyes lit up. Ava picked her up and placed her on her hip.

"Let’s go home?" she asked Sara, holding out her hand.

The shorter blonde slid her hands into hers. "Yeah"

***

_Miss Lance, can I talk to you in private please?" Victoria whispered_

_Sara and Ava had been dating for months now. The Sharpe's were kind enough to invite her to an exclusive party in Ivy Town. As much as Sara hates to admit it, she is terrified of Ava's parents. By parents she meant Victoria._

_"Sure" She followed her at the standing table. Ava was still busy talking to some businessmen on another table that she didn’t see her mom and girlfriend talking._

_"I don’t want to drag this longer. Let me ask you a question Ms. Lance. What are your intentions with my daughter?" Victoria's voice was stern, implying something._

_"Excuse me?" Sara was unclear of what she was trying to say._

_"If its money you want, I can give it to you. Just leave my daughter alone." Sara knew Victoria was ruthless and tough but she didn’t expect her to be this type of mother. Sure she was being protective, but pricing her daughter? She couldn’t believe what she was hearing._

_She looked for Ava in the crowd. When their eyes met, Ava smiled at her and mouthed 'everything okay?' Sara smiled back and nodded._

_She turned back to face her girlfriend's mother "I love your daughter." She emphasized. "I don’t know what you think of me, but I know it’s wrong. I don’t give a damn about your wealth ma’am. Your daughter is kind, beautiful and strong. It might be difficult for you to believe it but it’s why I’m with her. She has a big heart and she deserves to be loved. Maybe if you spend time with her, you’d know. Excuse me"_

***

 Sara snapped out of her flashback when she felt her sister squeeze her shoulders. "You okay?" Laurel whispered as she finished doing her hair.

"Yeah, I just… I’m not sure if I should be going" She whispered thanks when Laurel was finally through.

"Why the hell not? Everyone is going. Dad would be there" Sara stared at her reflection in the mirror. The makeup, the fancy do? It wasn’t her. Her recent argument with Victoria didn’t help her confidence in going to the gala.

"Because of work" She replied shortly. Their eyes met in their reflection in the mirror. Laurel held a tiny box in her hand and was grinning like an idiot. "What is that?"

"It’s from Ava." her sister opened the box to reveal a necklace and earrings set. It had a simple teardrop pendant that matched the earrings but the entire thing was encrusted in crystals. Sara was surprised. Knowing Ava, this gift could’ve cost thousands.

"I wish my exes were this generous." Laurel joked.

"I can’t accept this. I… It’s expensive" She ran her hands through the necklace.

 Sara is not a fan of accessories. A simple watch for work, Laurel’s necklace which she gave to her and thin rings were all she wore. She liked it minimal and diamonds? Diamonds were the farthest from it.

Laurel carefully took the necklace from the box. "Sara, look at this. How can you possibly reject this thing? It’s beautiful" Sara frowned. "I have an idea. Wear it tonight, and then…return it to Ava afterwards. There's no harm in that right?"

Her sister was right. She could always return it. "Fine. But I’m not keeping it."

She felt the cold chains against her skin. The earrings feel heavy at first but she couldn’t deny the fact that they looked beautiful on her. She stared at herself in the mirror once more. She looked different. Laurel already went down the stairs to check on her daughter and she told her she would follow shortly.

Sara smiled as she touched the pendant. Ava _gave_ it to her, although not personally, her heart warms at the thought. "Miss Sharpe, you never fail to surprise me"

 

***

Of course they are running _late._

Ava rolled her eyes as she pinned her stray hair in place. She took one glance at herself in the mirror and smiled. At this point, Laurel had already given Sara the set she picked a while ago, or at least she thought.

Sara didn’t like being fancy. She was a tomboy by heart and Ava knew that. She just wanted to give her something nice without overstepping. Five grand worth of diamonds _is_ overstepping.

What was she thinking? She could always say that it was for the cameras and that it would be good for their publicity.

“Hey sweet heart. All done?” she asked their daughter who was sitting on the bed

“you look beautiful mama” the little girl smiled.

“aww little bean” she gives her daughter an eskimo kiss. “I love you”

“Can we go see mommy?” Laurel said excitingly.

She grabbed their daughters hand and kissed it. “Let’s go”

***

Three knocks on the door followed by an audible “knock knock” from who she believed sounded like her ex-wife got her attention.

“almost ready” she shouted as she grabbed her clutch from the closet.

“Someone wanted to see her mommy” Ava whispered as she opened the door.

Little Laurel was first to come in. She immediately went to hug Sara and stared at her. “Wow mommy” their daughter’s eyes sparkled.

“aren’t you a sight for sore eyes” Ava whispered like air was knocked out of her lungs.

Sara turned her head to look at her ex-wife. Ava’s navy, off shoulder gown clung tight to her curves. She also had her hair down, which she rarely does but it didn’t do well in covering one side of her neck, and her collarbone.

“You aren’t so bad yourself, Sharpe” she _almost_  stuttered.

“You like?” Ava must have seen the confused look in her face that she gestured to her neck.

Her hands immediately went up to touch her collar but she felt the necklace instead.

“oh… yeah. Thank you” Her voice was shaky this time. Maybe it was the warmth of Ava’s smile, or her eyes, or how beautiful she looked tonight. Sara turned her back on her, unable to look any longer.

“It’s a little… here let me help” suddenly she feels Ava’s warmth on her back. How can she move so fast?

Ava reached for the necklace and Sara immediately froze when she grazed her neck. “All done” the chills that ran down her spine were replaced by familiar hands on her shoulders. “Let me see”

She turned around to face her ex-wife. Ava, in all her glory, was staring at her so closely. All of a sudden her cheeks felt hot.

“Beautiful” the taller blonde whispered.

Their eyes locked and Sara’s head spun. Ava was looking at her longingly… _lovingly_. A look she hasn’t seen in a while and she is falling right into it. Her blue eyes sparkled against the lights and it was so captivating. She couldn’t move. The world was moving slowly and maybe, her vision was playing tricks on her because Ava was leaning down, in the most subtle way and maybe, this was all a dream because she finds herself leaning closer… and closer.

“Mommy?” a little voice broke her trance.

 Sara closed her eyes and took a deep breath.  Laurel was her distraction and she couldn’t be any more grateful

“yes baby?’ she cleared her throat. Ava did too.

She could tell everyone except their daughter was uncomfortable in the room. The vibe was almost suffocating. Her cheeks were hotter this time and Sara was praying hard she does not look like a tomato.

“Can we go now?” the little girl pouted.

***

The venue was away from the city. Although the Sharpe’s love their attention, they also vie for exclusivity. They were welcomed by the Arthur, the family butler and were guided to the banquet.

The lobby was filled with familiar faces, to Ava at least. Some were met by Sara when they were still married and she was obligated to come to these events.

Sara eyed the crown looking for someone she knew personally. She spotted her father talking to some of the cops. He might be wearing tux with fancy cufflinks but he was still on duty.

“There you are! Where have you been? I thought you left after I did” Laurel approached her with a clutch on one hand and the infamous Tommy Merlin on the other.

 “We got stuck.” Sara gave her sister a quick peck on the cheek. “Hey Tommy”

“Good seeing you standing Lance. I heard about what happened.” Tommy leaned in forward to give her a quick hug. “Same old, same old huh?” he looked at Ava.

Sara smiled. “You can say that”

“Well you know what they say, when you tie the knot you never get to untie no matter what the lawyers say” Laurel elbowed him. “Kidding! Nice to see you again Sharpe”

Ava took his hand for a shake “Merlin, same old same old huh? What’s that they always say? Once a jerk always a jerk no matter which lawyer they date”

“Ouch. You shouldn’t say that in front of the little girl. Hi sweetheart” Tommy crouched down to Laurel.

“My mama doesn’t like you very much” the little girl commented

“Yup, you are your mothers’ child” he stood up and smoothed his suit.

“Okay that’s enough for today kids” Laurel pointed at them. “We better get inside. See you”

“mommy can I come with?” Little Laurel looked at her with puppy dog eyes.

“I’ll take her at the back for later” Laurel winked. Little Laurel will be wearing the main auction piece, named after her for the finale and she has to stay backstage for the entirety of the event.

Sara mouthed thank you. “Nana Anne’s already there she has everything Laurel needs” Laurel nodded and the blondes watched their daughter disappear in the crowed.

Sara was starting to get nervous. She hated these types of events and she was itching to go home. It didn’t take long before the photographers noticed them. They were ushered to the carpet where the photographers were situated.

_Miss Lance! Do you have any comment about your divorce with Ava” shouted a reporter._

_An army of press swarmed her outside the courthouse. They had a meeting for the finalization of their divorce and it was kept quiet. However, someone managed to leak the information._

_“is it true that you had an affair? is that why you’re separating?” asked another reporter, male this time._

_“Miss Lance! is it true that you have a prenup?”  security guards were on her now. Blocking everyone who is attempting to get closer_

_“Who will have custody of your daughter!”_

_“Miss Lance, is it true that your wife had a miscarriage?” Bullseye._

_Sara froze. Tears threatened to form but she tried her best to hold it in. She couldn’t speak. She just stood there._

_“Hey! everyone out. Miss Lance will not be answering any questions!” Familiar hand pushed her. It was Laurel. “Go Sara get in the car. Go!”_

_***_

Somebody squeezed her hand.

“Hey. Are you okay?”  Ava was wearing her worry look. She just nodded. “you’re a million miles away” she whispered

“Its… it’s the cameras” she lied.

“That’s enough pictures for one night” The taller blonde said to everyone. Ava was good at it. She even giggled as if she was joking.

“Let’s go?”  Ava coaxed. She looked down to see Ava, offering her a hand. “Come on Lance, don’t be shy” the idiot smirked.

Sara finds her hands intertwined with her ex-wife. “Let’s do this”

The infamous Sara Lance is afraid of a party and one Ava Sharpe might be able to get her through the night.

 

           

 

 

 

  

 

  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for those who waited and thanks for those who just discovered this! I hope you understand me and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	10. Guilty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was outrageous. Sara can’t keep her mouth shut anymore. “What are you doing?”
> 
>  
> 
> “Winning Ms. Lance. I’m getting that bracelet” Ava replied cockily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im back again for another chapter. Brace yourselves you guys. This one is exciting!

“Going once, twice and… sold to the great Senator Carter” a round of applause filled the room after the Senator purchased a beautiful, antique trinket for $25,000.

They were almost to the end of the auction. Sara was still in awe of how much these people are willing to spend on the things they certainly don’t need. However, it is all for charity. The Sharpe’s have their foundation that helps children from all over the world.

Businessmen, politicians and socialites with deep pockets were seated at the tables. It was a good thing that Sara and Ava were seated with Mayor Oliver and his wife Felicity, Tommy and her sister and Ray Palmer and his girlfriend, socialite and daughter of the CEO of _the Legion,_ Nora Darhk.  The familiar faces made it easier for her. Apparently, Ava talked to the event planner and arranged their seating table for their benefit.

The testosterone level in their table was off the charts. At some point Oliver, Tommy and Ray were having a friendly competition on who can bid the highest for a bottle of wine. Tommy was cocky enough to bid $50,000 on it.

“Hundred thousand!”  There was no denying that Oliver Queen has an unconditional love for archery so when a set of arrows were opened for bidding he immediately set the bar high.  Everyone stopped for a moment to look at the mayor.

Felicity just rolled her eyes. “I tell you, he loves his toys more than he loves me”

“sold! to Mayor Queen!” announced by the host.

“Wow, from aged wine, to antiques to bows. This auction certainly has a little twist to it don’t you think?” joked Ray.

“These are all donations of the shareholders of the Bureau. Usually, they would have a theme for the charity, this year they thought it would be a good idea to change things up” Ava explained.

“Ladies and gentlemen, our last auction piece, _Adriana._ ” A slideshow of pictures of the bracelet was shown to everyone. It was a thin, silver bracelet with a feather and bird pendant encrusted with diamond for eyes

“The piece was _named_ after the granddaughter of The Bureau’s beloved CEO. William Sharpe” The adorable little Laurel came through the back door and made an entrance to the stage carrying the bracelet.

“The bid starts at $100,000” announced the host.

Sara fell in love with it instantly. Something about the simplicity of it, graced with elegance. The bird though, was the thing that caught her attention. It was a canary, her favorite. She was so mesmerized by it that she said it out loud. “I like that… wow”

“Hundred thousand!” said the woman at the far back.

“Thank you! Can we get higher? It is for a good cause. Can somebody give me a hundred fifty?” the host challenged.

“You do?” Asked Ava, who has been silent for a while now. “You actually like that piece?”

“Yeah… it’s beautiful” the next thing Sara knew, Ava was already bidding.

“Two hundred” Ava’s voice was smooth and casual like giving away two hundred thousand was like ordering cheeseburger.

Sara _froze_ on her chair. She knew they were here for publicity and sure. Ava bid from time to time and even won a watch for twenty five, but bidding two hundred thousand for a bracelet was preposterous. Other bidders started going in for 225 and 230 but it didn’t stop Ava.

“Three hundred” the lawyer raised her paddle.

“Are you insane?” Sara was blown out of her mind.

“It’s for a good cause”

“Three hundred for Miss Sharpe, anyone willing to go higher?” the crowed was silent for a while. “Going once…twice…”

“Five hundred” a voice clear and confident echoed in the halls. The voice sounded familiar but it couldn’t be.

“Five hundred for Ms.…”

“Al Ghul _… Nyssa_ Al Ghul” the woman replied

 Sara and everyone in the room turned their heads to the back. “Nyssa?” A spotlight hit the table to confirm the blonde’s suspicion. Surely, it was her. Nyssa in a black dress, raising her paddle to confirm her bid.

“A generous half a million dollars, by Miss Al Ghul, daughter and heir of the League” said the woman who recognized Nyssa. “can I hear 550?”

Ava was shocked. The League is a multicompany owned by the infamous Ras Al Ghul, it was true that they have a security company but they also own a mining company in a place called Nanda Parbat. 

Ava was pissed. Nyssa Raatko, or Al Ghul, whatever her last name is will not be getting that bracelet tonight. She raised her paddle “Six hundred”

“Six hundred for Ms.…”

“Six fifty” Nyssa replied confidently. 

Sara was all but confused. Ava, a lawyer was bidding insane amounts which Sara thought was out of her league and her somewhat girlfriend, whom she thought was working for her father in a security company, was bidding against her ex.

“this just got interesting” Tommy took a sip of his wine.

“Seven hundred” Ava smirked.

The crowd was silent now, anticipating for the next bid. The tension was rising and it was getting intense. The Sharpe’s were surprised about the “war” that’s currently going on. 

“Seven fifty” replied Nyssa.

Sara’s palms were sweating.   She turned around to face Nyssa who was already staring at her. Nyssa gave her a confident smirk. She turned to face her little girl in the stage holding the bracelet. The tension in the room somehow made it colder. She bit her lip waiting for Ava’s reply.

“One million dollars” Ava’s voice resonated in the entire room. Everyone in the room went silent that you can almost certainly hear a pin drop.

This was outrageous. Sara can’t keep her mouth shut anymore. “What are you doing?”

“Winning Ms. Lance. I’m getting that bracelet” Ava replied cockily.

Finally after a few more moments “going once… twice….sold to Ms. Ava Sharpe!”  The tension in the room was replaced by applause.

Everyone was congratulating Ava for the win. Sara turned around to look at the defeated Nyssa. She gave her a quick smile and returned to face Ava who was grinning like a huge dork. She had mixed emotions tonight but she knew the people were watching. She gave her ex-wife a peck on the cheek.

“You always get what you want don’t you?” she joked

***

 “You gave one hell of a fight Sharpe” The auction was finally over and everyone proceeded to the courtyard for the after party. Sara and Ava were sipping champagne at the cocktail table when Nyssa approached.

“You too miss _Al Ghul_ ” said Ava, emphasizing her last name. “Though I didn’t expect to see you here”

“My father couldn’t come. So he sent me instead.”  Nyssa took the champagne out of Sara’s hand and sipped. “Hello love” she gave Sara a peck on the cheeks.

Ava’s blood boiled. She doesn’t have the right to be jealous and she knew that. If anyone was to be jealous here it was supposed to be Nyssa. After all. _She_ is the ex-wife.

“We need to talk. Ava would you mind?” the shorter blonde asked. Ava could see it in her eyes. Sara was desperate and she needed to do some explaining.  Despite that it was against her will, she nodded.

She can’t prohibit Sara from talking to the woman she was with. So she watched. She watched as they walked away to the fountain, away from ear shot. The argument was a little heated. Sara was just as shocked as she was when she found out Nyssa was at the Gala.

“You looking a little glum their Sharpe” it was Laurel, alone this time.

“Where’s you’re pretty boy?” she tried to change the topic but Laurel knew her too well.

“so Nyssa huh” Laurel concluded when she saw her sister and the dark haired girl talking by the fountain. “That’s what’s causing _the look_ ” she gestured her hand to Ava’s face.

Ava finished off her champagne and quickly grabbed another one from the waiter that was passing by. She didn’t know why she wanted more but a tiny part of her wants an entire bottle. The champagne was fantastic but the kick alcohol was all she craved from it.

“You know, when you’re thirsty you go for water” Laurel joked.

“I don’t understand this Nyssa” she said looking at the woman talking to her ex-wife. “I mean did Sara know she was an heir to a multibillion dollar company?” she took a sip of her champagne. “And why does she keep showing up?”

“I don’t know Aves we only met twice. Sara hasn’t introduced her formally” the other replied. “you know…it’s not too late”

It was nice to have someone like Laurel. She was a good listener and it was a bonus that she was Sara’s sister. “What?”

“Don’t give me that crap” Laurel smiled as she walked away. Sara’s sister was right though. She knew well what Laurel meant.

***

“What the hell are you doing here Nyssa?” Sara grabbed her elbow and dragged her far across of Ava.

“When you texted you were coming here I thought why not. My father has offered me to come before I even knew” the dark haired woman explained.

“I didn’t even know you were crazy rich! When were you planning on telling me that _heir to the League_ ” She didn’t mean to be sarcastic but she was confused. She didn’t know what was going on and she wanted answers.

Nyssa then explained to her that she didn’t want to tell her because she didn’t want to scare her off and that she just wanted an excuse to see Sara and this was a perfectly good one.

“What were you trying to do in there?” Sara asked referring about the bidding war that happened earlier

“I knew you liked Canaries they were your favorite” Nyssa softly replied.

She didn’t expect that answer at all. If they were alone she would’ve kissed her. She liked Nyssa and her chest hurts knowing she can’t do anything about it while they were surrounded by cameras and other people.

“I can’t do this here. Not right now. I’ll see you soon” she didn’t want to leave with an unfinished conversation but she had no other choice. She turned her back on her and walked towards their table.

***

“Trouble in paradise?” Ava pushed a different glass towards her. “I would’ve gotten you something stronger but your wound is still healing”

She knew it was club soda the moment it hit her tongue. “I don’t want to talk about it”

Before Ava could reply her mother and father were spotlighted. They thanked everyone who came and everyone who supported the auction. There was a little ceremony where the bidders were presented with the items they won.

“I would like to congratulate, the final piece winner, our very own Ava. It was a tough and lengthy bidding but I hope it was all worth it” Victoria spoke through the mic. Everyone gave her a round of applause. She was asked to come up the stage and receive the little box with the bracelet.

“I was told that I needed to give a speech. Well, I didn’t expect this for tonight’s auction. This bracelet may not be worth a million dollars to some of you, but it will worth and mean more to the children that will receive health care and food and shelter. In behalf of my family, I’d like  to thank everyone who generously gave tonight. A simple paper will change lives…save lives. I will not be possible without you” the crowd was applauding once again.

“…I also like to dedicate this little bracelet, to Ms. Lance” Ava raised the box a little bit. “Despite everything, you stood by me tonight and I can’t thank you enough “there was a little pause before she continued “And of course, to our little girl, our little Laurel Adriana” Ava chuckled.

“I’d like to raise a toast” said William “to family” everyone raised their glasses “and giving back” he continued.

Sara was then invited in front for the picture taking together with the Sharpe’s, Ava and Laurel. They all smiled like they were a perfect family, like their fight the other night never even happened. That’s what they were aiming for. A picture perfect life that will make the headlines,

A couple of shots later it was Sara, Laurel and Ava left. They were posing for the cameras as everyone did their own thing. Ava was carrying the little girl between her and Sara. They were laughing and smiling and giggling. If you didn’t know them you’d probably think that they were still together.

***

Laurel was way past bedtime so they decided to leave the courtyard early and headed to the rooms. The mansion was 30 mins away from their house so they agreed to stay for the night.

Ava was crouched to the floor, looking for Laurel’s stuffed toy. “I can’t find Beebo anywhere” 

“I think it was in the car. I’ll go check it” the shorter blonde replied. Her daughter’s Beebo doll was more important than having a pillow, Laurel couldn’t sleep without it.

Sara kissed Laurel’s forehead and left her to Ava’s care. Everybody was still at the courtyard enjoying the party. She was still in her dress so she didn’t have a problem going downstairs.

Before she could reach the wing for the garage somebody pulled her to an empty hallway. Her instincts kicked in and slammed the person to the wall.

“Kinky I like it” the British accent was immediately recognized.

“What the hell Nyssa?” she loosens her lower arm that was pinning the other woman.

“I need to see you” she softly replied. “I missed you”

“A simple text wouldn’t suffice?” Sara saw the change of reaction in Nyssa’s face. “I’m sorry. You know it’s not safe for us to meet like this. We look like schoolgirls sneaking around”

Nyssa gently cups her cheek. “I’m sorry”

“Come here” she pulls her girl into a quick kiss. “I missed you too”

Sara felt a gentle press on her lips. The kiss started out slow. She really did miss Nyssa. She hasn’t seen her in a while and this kiss was supposed to make her feel butterflies. It didn’t. It felt wrong. She felt like she was betraying Ava which isn’t the case here. She was with _Nyssa_.

Their kiss deepened and Nyssa turned them over so she was pinned to the wall. She was desperate to shake the guilt that she became too preoccupied to notice somebody turned on the lights. 

“Hey Sara! Beebo was in Laurel’s bag. I thought you should…”

She immediately pulled away but it was too late. She felt her body get drained of color when she saw Ava standing beside the switch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT JUST HAPPENED? watch out for the next chapter!


	11. Drunk and Sober

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava’s heart ached a little. Maybe it was the alcohol because somehow Sara looked younger under the moonlight. Her smile was just like she remembered it to be, captivating, mesmerizing. She couldn’t find it in herself to look away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New update! Was stuck for a while there. Anyways I hope you enjoy!

After checking under the bed, Ava noticed a lump in Laurel’s backpack. She was relieved when she finally saw the blue doll. She handed it to Laurel and tucked her daughter in. After sending a text to Sara, a phone buzzed at the bedside table.

“Hey little bean?  Mama needs to get mommy okay? Can you stay here with Beebo?” she kissed her daughter’s forehead Laurel was drowsy. Ava knew she was going to fall asleep soon so she tucked her again comfortably before she left.

The most efficient way without being seen was through the kitchen. She could still hear the music on the courtyard and she didn’t want to interrupt everyone. After making a turn for the kitchen she heard Sara’s voice in the hallway. She must be talking to Nana Anne or one of the house maids.

The lights were off but she knew Sara was close “Hey Sara! Beebe was in Laurel’s bag. I thought you should…” She turns the lights on and to her surprise it was neither Nana Anne nor the maids Sara was talking to…or rather kissing. It was _Nyssa._

The first emotion that hit her was shock then it was followed by embarrassment. “I… I’m so sorry I…I didn’t mean… I should go” She felt her cheeks turn red. She immediately turned around and started to walk away. She rubs her cheeks thinking it might lessen the flush.

“Ava! Ava wait” she could feel Sara following her. The shorter blonde eventually caught up and reached her arm so she turns around to face her.

“I’m sorry. I…” Sara stuttered. 

She didn’t need to explain. They were broken up and she was seeing Nyssa but there was an evident guilt in Sara’s eyes she couldn’t help but notice. Ava tried to shake it away but deep down she was hurt. Deep down she was jealous.

“You don’t have to explain Sara” she stopped her. “I...were done. You owe nothing to me” it was true but saying it out loud made it hurt. Her heart was clenching. It has been a year since their divorce but living with Sara again opened a door the emotions she had been pushing down.

Sara was looking at her. Her blue orbs searching for assurance that they were both okay and it felt invading. She wasn’t feeling okay at all. She looked away before Sara could see what she was feeling deep down. “I should go check on Laurel”

“Ava” the shorter blonde called out. She never looked back

***

“I’m sorry” Nyssa was sitting on a stool at the kitchen island, sipping a cup of tea.

“For what love?” the dark haired woman asked.

She didn’t know why she was apologizing to Nyssa but she knew it felt right. Sara was embarrassed. Getting caught by your ex-wife making out with your girlfriend was beyond uncomfortable and she didn’t want things to get more awkward between her girlfriend and her ex.  

“I don’t know. I… I know you’re not okay with this set up.” Sara knew the press will be eying her and Ava after today and it will be harder for them to date. “It’s not going to last long. I promise” she holds Nyssa’s hand.  

“I know” Nyssa kissed her hand. “I can totally relate. Publicity is very important for people like the Sharpes. I can’t say my father is any different. My engagement with Oliver was for the company’s sake too. You don’t have to apologize” Sara called Nyssa to days ago to inform her of the gala and that she was going as Ava’s date. The other woman however, understood of the situation.

“You’re right I don’t” she joked. She gives Nyssa a quick peck. “You know… you haven’t told me about the heiress situation” They need to talk about it at some point and they have time to spare now.

“I didn’t want to tell you because I’m not taking over the family business. My sister is. As I’ve said earlier... Publicity. They just call us that because they have no clue as to who gets to inherit what” the other woman explains.

“So… you are not an heir to a multimillion dollar company?” Nyssa pulls her closer so that she was sitting on her lap

“No Miss Lance… not anytime soon” Sara leans down to kiss her girlfriend. She drowns in the feeling and forgets about the guilt that was eating her earlier. She forgets about Ava.

 

***

Sara was hesitant to open the door. What would she say to Ava? The other woman clearly felt uncomfortable seeing her with Nyssa earlier. Sara, however, doesn’t have a choice but face the other woman and explain. There was no other room allocated for them but the one in front of her. She then remembers they only have one bed which made the situation more awkward.

 She rested her head on the door and exhaled. _I can do this._ Her heart was beating so fast. She held her breath and twisted the knob. .

Laurel was already cozy, cuddled up with her Beebo doll and fast asleep when she came in. She scanned the room for her ex-wife but she was nowhere to be found. Sara was relieved for a moment. She headed straight to the bathroom shower and to change into comfier clothes.

The room was still lacking of Ava when she stepped out of the shower. However the curtains of the balcony were now open. The glass sliding door was convenient to see the person on the other side.

Even with her back on her, there was no denying that it was Ava leaning on the rails, nursing a glass of wine. She was in her robe. Her blonde hair cascaded on one side of her shoulder. She looked stunning, even from afar.

Sara was stunned. She hasn’t seen Ava this _relaxed_ after her miscarriage _._ The other woman was a million miles away, lost in the fresh air and the stars. Sara, on the other hand, was lost in her.

***

The sky was clear, the moon shone bright and the stars were sparkling. It was deep into the night but for some reason it was still bright outside. The air was cold and it took a while to get used to it. She was still intoxicated by the champagne she drank earlier and now mixed with the second glass of wine, the alcohol was hitting her, making her feel hot.

Sara was in the shower when she slipped back into the room after grabbing a bottle of pinot in the cellar. She was grateful for the timing, or for the lack thereof. She didn’t exactly know how to approach the situation. Should she apologize? Should she play it cool and forget it ever happened?

She must’ve lost track of time because Sara was done. Or so she thought when she felt someone staring at her. When she turned around, she saw Sara in her silk shorts and tank top, fresh from the shower. She smiled.

She could tell that Sara was hesitant to come forward. So she raised an empty glass and tilted her head to one side, inviting her. Ava turned around to gather strength. She inhaled the cold air and the view.

Sara’s warmth was familiar. It was a comfortable feeling but the awkwardness was still there. They were quiet for some time; nothing but the soft music from the ongoing party, the hushed laughter of the guests and the sound of the leaves rustled by the wind keeping them company.

It didn’t take a while before the awkwardness reached its peak and the silence started to become deafening.

“Do you wanna…”

“I’m sorry” simultaneously started by Sara

The flush on Ava’s cheeks grew hotter. She bit her lower lip and took another sip of the wine. She was grateful for the alcohol because it gave her the courage to look at her ex-wife.

“You have nothing to apologize for. I however, feel terrible for walking in on you” she started.

“You’re right. It’s your fault” Sara smirked. If it was sarcasm that will get them through their conversation then it’s the way they’re going to take.

“You…” the taller blonde chuckled. There was a brief pause before she started to get her thoughts organized.

“You and I… we haven’t been…us... and it’s been a while now” her voice was shaky. “I think it’s established that we, can see whoever we like and me, finding you with your girlfriend making out, despite the awkwardness, shouldn’t be a problem at all. You have nothing to apologize for. We are all adults here. There shouldn’t be any need for an explanation”

“You’re right” Sara replied.

Ava was almost surprised. Finally, they were agreeing on something and they are finally talking without finding the need to scream at each other.

“I just feel…I don’t know. Weird for some reason” Sara couldn’t look at her. The shorter blonde was biting her lip, staring at her wine glass. Sara hated being vulnerable and Ava knew that. It took them a while to open up to each other when they started dating. Sara, expressing her emotions to her now, was a little overwhelming.

“Well, your ex walking in on you isn’t really an ideal make out sesh” She smirked. Sara finally broke into a laugh. It was small, but it was genuine. “We can pretend it never happened”

“Yeah” Sara smiled

 Ava’s heart ached a little. Maybe it was the alcohol because somehow Sara looked younger under the moonlight. Her smile was just like she remembered it to be, captivating, mesmerizing. She couldn’t find it in herself to look away.

***

_Sara was never the girl that liked restaurant dates and because of that Ava Sharpe has become more and more creative over the course of their relationship. They have been on beach dates, gym dates, hiking dates and they have attended classes from time to time. Today however, was special. It was their anniversary and Ava wanted their date to be a little extra._

_"One more step” Sara was in a blindfold. Ava stood behind her, guiding her until they reached the spot._

_Sara was cold and she was getting more and more anxious. When Ava said they needed to dress fancy for dinner, she didn’t think that it would be outside. Ava must’ve felt her shiver because she held her closer. It was also an assurance that they were finally there._

_When Ava finally removed the blindfold Sara was in awe.  They were in the rooftop of a building and the city skyline was beautifully illuminated by the buildings. It wasn’t just that, the floor was filled with candles and flowers.  To their right was clear path that lead to the table. Soft music was played by a band to their left._

_“I thought you were taking me to dinner?” Sara turned around to take in the view_

_“I am” she replied kissing her girlfriend’s bare shoulder._

_The shorter blonde was speechless. She took a second to look at the scenery. She looked back to see Ava offering her a hand which she gladly takes. Ava leads her near the table and pulls her closer._

_Her hand was on Ava’s neck and Ava’s arms were snaked on her waist. They slowly swayed to the music pulling each other close._

_“Happy anniversary” Ava planted a kiss on her forehead. “I’m sorry Sara I know how you feel about surprises”_

_“I like this one” Sara pulls her closer for a quick kiss._

_“Sara I just…I just want to say how thankful I am to have met someone like you” Ava held her hands against her lips. “I know, most people look at me differently because of my name. It’s rare for me to meet someone who would see me as my own person and you…you are one of the few people that made me feel that I am more than just my father’s daughter”  Ava was holding back tears._

_“It wasn’t easy, living up to the expectations of others. With you, I am free, I can make mistakes, and I can be who I really am without fear and hesitation. For the past year you taught me how to be selfless, compassionate and understanding. You taught me how to love. I know it’s only been a year but you’re one of a kind Sara. You make me whole”_

_“No one has ever made me feel as loved and as cared for as you do…and if you let me…I’d like to spend the rest of my life, making you feel the same way” Ava gets down on one knee and pulls a tiny, black box. “Sara Lance…will you marry me?”_

_Tears were falling down on Sara’s cheeks. Ava was terrified. Each second felt like forever. A million thoughts ran her mind and her heart breaks a little, thinking Sara might be hesitant. She looked up into her blue orbs, searching for an answer._

_“Yes” she replied._

_It was barely a whisper “yes?” Ava asked trying to confirm her answer. Happiness and hope flooded her._

_“Yes” Sara replied a little louder while nodding her head. “Yes!” she repeats again. She tugs Ava up for a searing kiss. It was passionate and full of joy._

_Ava was crying now too. She could feel Sara’s tears dropping with her own. She pulls away to look at her fiancée.  If this was a dream, she doesn’t want to wake up. It was too good to be true._

_“I love you” Ava whispered_

_“I love you too”_

***

The conversation about what happened earlier was short. Her ex-wife was right. They don’t need to talk about their dating life to each other. Finally they agreed that they were only going to talk about it when things get serious and when it will have an effect on their daughter’s life.

Sara was surprised by how Ava was so composed the entire time they were talking. It made it easier to communicate. They were agreeing on things and they were enjoying each other’s company.

A few glasses of wine later, for Ava at least , because Sara was only allowed one, they were laughing at each other’s jokes.  Late night talks like this reminded her of what she and Ava used to have. They used to share their thoughts to each other. It would start out as a small talk then they would open up about their happiest memories, deepest fears, regrets and their future plans.

Deep down she missed it. She missed this Ava; giddy, carefree and full of life. They haven’t connected like this for a while and a small voice in her head wants her to put up a wall and push Ava away like she used to do to her. But she couldn’t.

Despite the pain Ava caused her, she couldn’t hurt her the same. She knew that the person beside her wasn’t the person who broke her heart; she wasn’t the person that left her. Not anymore.

It was the excitement in Ava’s voice when she talked about the company retreat they had and how much she loved it. It was the way she genuinely poured her thoughts to her without hesitation and second guessing. It was the sound of Ava’s laugh and the glimmer in her eyes that Sara knew, the woman she married finally found herself again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooff. Im having trouble deciding the flashbacks. Can you suggest what flashbacks to write next?


	12. Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She shouldn’t be thinking about this but she is. She tried to shake away the flashbacks but they kept on coming. Ava’s lips on her, on her neck, shoulders, trailing lower and lower down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi i have been gone im sorry! but I was really busy with school and I just had the time to write. Anyways I hope you like this one!

The hot water trickled on her bare back. Sara closed her eyes to savor the relief brought by the warmth to her muscles. Soft music was playing in the background. Even under the shower she could smell the lit vanilla candles.

The guest bathroom was unlike the one in her apartment. This bathroom was spacious, too spacious even. It made her feel smaller than she really was. However, Sara was grateful for the ceiling mounted showerhead and the tub she can use anytime she wanted.

The master bathroom was larger, the one she and Ava used to share. It was marble like the guest bathroom and had a mini Jacuzzi they enjoyed so much. From the longing of the hot tub, her mind wandered off to the times where she and Ava would relax and bathe together occasionally accompanied by wine. Her mind traveled back to when she could feel the softness of Ava’s skin. She remembered how vulnerable she looked in the dimly lit room, bare before her. She remembered how her touches lingered and how they burned warmer than the water that cascaded on their skin.

She shouldn’t be thinking about this but she is. She tried to shake away the flashbacks but they kept on coming. Ava’s lips on her, on her neck, shoulders, trailing lower and lower down.

Sara abruptly turned the shower off. She rubbed the embarrassment off her face and exhaled. She shifted her weight to the wall in front of her and cursed herself. She has never thought of Ava this way for a very long time and she was ashamed.

Moments later, she hears the knob turning. She assumed it was Laurel because she already told the maids not to disturb her. She doesn’t mind being seen naked by the little girl. She and Laurel had plenty of bath times together and it wasn’t new to them.

“Baby Mom’s still in the shower”

She waited for a reply but it never came. She turned around to face her daughter but it to her complete shock, it wasn’t Laurel. Sara froze where she stood.

“Ava”

The shower room was only separated by glass. No blinds, no curtains. Meaning, her ex-wife is seeing her in full display. Sara immediately scrambled for the towel and covered herself. She could feel her cheeks burning. She looked back to her ex-wife.  Ava was wearing a fluffy robe and her hair was down in soft curls.

“what the hell are you doing here?!” Sara pulled the towel impossibly closer.

Ava’s face had no hint of shock or guilt that she entered. Almost like she was _expecting_ Sara to be there. The shorter blonde tried to swallow the lump that formed in her throat. Ava had a taunting look in her face as she walked closer to her.

“Joining you”

Before she could say anything, Ava’s robe was already dropped to the floor, and then followed by Sara’s jaw. Ava had a seductive smirk plastered on her face. She couldn’t find words. Her heart was beating so fast and so loud she could hear it over the music. She was immobilized, couldn’t do anything but stare.

Ava’s muscles were toner than they used to. She was _definitely_ working out more. Sara instinctively eyed her from her face, down to the curve of her breasts, to her abdomen. She could feel the hotness in her core. She stopped herself from staring lower.

“Like what you see?” Ava teased.  The taller blonde was a couple more steps away.

“Ava…I” she could feel her breath being pulled out from her lungs. Her breath was shaky with anticipation. “We shouldn’t” she couldn’t look at her any longer. She diverted her eyes to the floor. When she glanced up to see Ava once, more she finds her an inch away from her.

 “We shouldn’t what?” Ava whispered, leaning closer.

Chills ran down Sara’s spine. She couldn’t stop herself from shuddering. Ava’s blue orbs didn’t let go of her own. She was being pulled heavily by it. They were darker this time, filled with desire… _lust._

Ava tugs on her towel and it drops to the floor almost instantly. The room was still warmed up by the shower but the moment the air touched her skin she felt goosebumps. She tilts her head a little higher, craving for contact, for warmth.

She ached for their lips to touch and she knew Ava did too. The taller blonde leans down sealing the gap… _not_.

***

Sara’s eyes fluttered open. She groaned when she discovered what just happened. She just dreamt of Ava... _again._ Sure she dreamt of her when they were together, but dreaming of her _sexually_ when they’re divorced is not a pleasant feeling, especially when she’s technically dating Nyssa. She buried her face on the pillow and cursed herself.

It’s been 4 weeks since the gala and Sara and Ava had become comfortable with each other. They’ve never gotten in a fight ever since their talk in the balcony. In fact, their relationship has become pleasing. They fell into a comfortable routine of cooking Laurel’s breakfast, eating together, Ava dressing her wound and sitting through her physical therapy which had been going so much better than expected, playing with Laurel or taking her out, bathing her, reading her bedtime stories and tucking her in her own room now.

Ava had Laurel’s nursery cleaned and renovated a little bit so she wouldn’t have to be scheduling where she’d sleep. Sara was hesitant at first, thinking that it was such a huge commitment since they aren’t going to stay for long. However, Ava reasoned that if she were to visit, which she promised that she would more often, that Laurel will need a room to stay.

Ava had also started working again. Not heavily, but she would fly to Ivy town and stay there for a day or two before returning to Star City with loads of paperwork. Sara didn’t mind but Laurel would ask where mama was and she was always excited when Ava came back.

Nyssa visits them on the weekends too when she was free from work. Ava was surprisingly nicer to her. She would let Nyssa stay for dinner and they would get through it without being mean to each other. Ava started paying more attention to her opinions and what she liked.

Once, she was bored so bored in the house Ava invited her friends over for a barbeque, one they used to do when they were still married. Her sister would occasionally check on her and so does her parents. They would take her and little Laurel out in the park to have some fresh air and chat.

Oftentimes, after tucking Laurel in, she and Ava would go to her home office and talk. Sara would tell her stories of Laurel and what she missed out on but they never talked about their personal lives unless it affected Laurel. They also laid out guidelines when it comes to privacy and future visitations.

Sara got out of bed and hopped into the shower to rinse herself of the dirty thoughts. Everything was going great between her and Ava and she hated herself from dreaming about her like that. Now she has to figure out a way to look into Ava’s face without turning red and thankfully she has still a day before Ava returns from Ivy town.

***

Being away from work was hard. She hasn’t been taking heavy cases so that she could be back home. However, the small case she has been working on, which was supposed to be ending started to become a bigger issue. New evidence was found that could possibly incriminate her client.

Laurel was really looking forward to the mini trip to the zoo that she has been pushing back. She hated to make her wait but she had to call off because she is going to need to stay in Ivy town longer.

She was itching to come home. She missed Laurel and she missed being with her. The little girl would always wake her up with kisses and will drag her out of bed just so she could cook her breakfast. She missed playing with her and giving her cuddles.

She was only supposed to be in Ivy town for 2 days and now it’s going to be extended and she hasn’t been away for much longer. She calls Sara to give her a heads up. After a few rings, she answered the call.

It’s almost like Sara can read her mind because the first thing that came through was “Hey, is something wrong?”

“Hey...I know I said I was coming home tomorrow but there was new evidence in court and I can’t leave yet. We have to wait for three days to see where this goes. If it ends well, I’ll be home on Saturday” she explains to Sara further, apologizing that she has to cancel with Laurel tomorrow and that she couldn’t come to the dinner with Sara’s friends the day after that.

“You don’t have to explain Aves. It’s work. It’s important. Laurel will understand” the shorter blonde responds to the other line.

“Can I talk to Laurel?” She was under so much stress and she needed a pick me up. Hearing the little girl’s voice was comfort,

Her heart breaks to a million pieces when Laurel asked if she was on her way home and how excited she was to see the monkeys and pet the lions. Ava didn’t have the heart to tell her she couldn’t do that so she just listened. She finally breaks the news to the little girl that her trip was going to get extended and that mama couldn’t come to the zoo with her just yet.

She hears the little girl ask Sara, away from the phone. “Does mama not like monkeys, mommy?”

“Mama Likes monkeys, sweetheart. She just couldn’t go right now because she has work to do”

Before she could say anything, Sara spoke, her voice louder, closer to the mic which means she now has the phone. “She went downstairs. Did you still want to talk to her?”

“I think she’s upset” Ava massages her temples. Her headache is starting to get worse and making Laurel sad stressed her out more.

“Tomorrow she will be over it. Don’t let it get to you”

Even though it was true, her heart couldn’t stop aching from the thought of disappointing her little girl. She thanks Sara and ended the phone call. She still had loads of work to do and it’s going to be a long day.

***

_It was Laurel’s third birthday and everybody was there. Sara’s friends were complete and so were the Lances. For some reason they wanted Laurel’s birthday to be on the beach. So here they were, in their bathing suits, enjoying the party, or at least everybody is. Everybody but her_

_It’s been 6 months after her miscarriage and she and Sara were already falling apart.  No matter how much she hated being here, she couldn’t stomach the thought of her daughter celebrating her birthday without her. So she tried her best to be in her best behavior._

_She and Sara were barely on speaking terms, but today they were walking on egg shells. She couldn’t deny the fact that everybody already knew. Still, she tried until she couldn’t anymore._

_By the time the party ended, she barely spoken to anyone and barely touched Laurel. By the end of it, she was drunk, miserable, as the waves were splashing on her feet. Everyone was already starting to retreat to their rooms._

_It was dark out but it wasn’t deep into the night. She downs the last of the whisky and plants the bottle to the sand. She stares into the night sky, trying to find peace amidst all the chaos in her mind._

_Moments later a warm, small thing was leaning on her back. When Ava turned around, the little girl almost fell, but she caught her on time, pulling her to her lap like a baby._

_"Mama” the little girl giggled. She must have liked the rush of the pull._

_"Laurel!?” she hears Sara call out but Ava didn’t answer, she didn’t need to. She already saw their child with her._

_The little girl raised her hand to touch Ava’s chin. She immediately felt her heart explode. She barely held Laurel since she lost her baby here she was, staring at her with innocent and pure eyes. She isn’t her flesh and blood but she was hers. And she forgot._

_Ava couldn’t help the tears from falling down her cheeks. She loved Laurel, but that love was clouded by pain, by grief and anger. She hated herself for not being there for her daughter. She plants a kiss on Laurel’s little hands._

_“Hey little bean” the little girl reached up to wipe a tear on her chin. The little girl kneeled on the sand between her thighs. She gradually brings her face closer, giving Ava an Eskimo kiss._

_"I love you too” Ava whispered. “I love you so much” she plants a kiss on her daughter’s forehead._

_Ava sat her on her lap, hugging her tightly as they played on the sand. The waves softly crashed on her feet as she enjoyed every moment of peace and quiet with her girl._

_***_

When Nyssa visits, they were usually situated in the living room. Today however, was different. Laurel was with her parents and it’s the first time she and Nyssa were alone in the house. They were cuddled up in the bed watching a movie and it felt nice.

Soon the movie was forgotten. Nyssa was now hovering over Sara, kissing her passionately. It’s been a while since they have had a moment to themselves and Sara missed her. She pulls her closer. Nyssa trailed her kisses from her cheeks to her neck. The blonde finds herself playing at the waistband of her girlfriend’s jeans.

She wanted this so bad. She had been aching for warmth ever since the stupid dreams with Ava. She brushed off her ex-wife from her thoughts and kissed Nyssa deeply. She wanted to turn them over so that she was on top but she couldn’t bear her weight, she was recovering still. So she let Nyssa take control.

Moments later her top was gone, and so was Nyssa’s. The dark haired woman was trailing kisses on the inside of her thigh as she removes her pants. She bites her lip in anticipation but Nyssa never got to the place she wants her to be. She gets frustrated so she pulls her up and brings her in for a kiss.

She closed her eyes, savoring the feeling. Nyssa was starting to trail back down kisses, to her neck and to the curve of her breasts. She pictures it in her head, feeling the tingles and the heat of her body. She pictures Nyssa going lower and lower. But a different picture suddenly pops into her brain. _Ava_

She tried to shake it off but she couldn’t. She can feel ‘Ava’ everywhere. The good sensations now feel invasive. “Stop...” Sara opens her eyes to see the confused Nyssa.

“What’s wrong?” the blonde can hear the disappointment in her voice..

“I’m sorry...I umm. It’s just. It feels wrong” Nyssa frowned even more.

Sara sits up and pulls the duvet to her. “It’s just... making out with your girlfriend in your ex- wife’s house isn’t really...ideal” She scrunched up her face. The thought kind of dawned on to Nyssa too.

“You’re right... I... I’m sorry” Nyssa pulls up the bra strap that hanged off her shoulder. She scoots closer to Sara. The blonde knows she’s disappointed and she couldn’t stop herself from feeling guilty. She plants a chaste kiss on Nyssa’s lips.

“I...I should probably get going. I leave today for Tibet” Nyssa stood to find her clothes and Sara started getting dressed too.

“That’s today?” Staying in the house without doing anything was making her lose track of time.

“Yeah my father insisted I come to the site because he wants to throw a party...” Nyssa was cut off by the ring on the house phone.

“I’m sorry.. Hold on” Sara picks up the phone. The other phone on the line was speaking hastily. Sara’s knees weaken when the person finished speaking. “Where are you... okay? I’m coming” Her voice was cracking and she was almost on the verge of crying.

“What’s wrong?”  Asked Nyssa.

“Laurel was in an accident”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof. Did you expect that to happen? I mean im sorry. You guys! Im thinking should I escalate the story now? So i kind of want to... the following chapters will have forwarded time like this one. I should end this story before I graduate this year so... I wish I could :D


	13. The Taste of Scotch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If I had just been there... I would’ve kept an eye on her” the alcohol must have kicked in because she is losing grip with her emotions. She could feel her tears threatening to form. “If I had been there she wouldn’t...oh god” She couldn’t stop herself from crying now. If she was sober she would’ve been able to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys! This is the longest chapter I wrote. And when I say get ready for whats about to come I mean it. Everything is going to start escalating from here. Its going to get wild but the good kind. I hope that you enjoy this chapter and if you love angst I say this is your chapter. 
> 
> I wanna thank you guys for always being patient with this fic. I know I'm not the best and I have a lot of incorrect grammars and I'm not the most consistent when it comes to updating but your support and feed backs is what keeps me going. I love you guys so much <3

_They have barely slept for the past days. Laurel was always in the state of unrest and Sara and Ava tried everything; feeding her, taking her out thinking she felt hot in the house, gave her toys and carried her, but she just won’t stop crying._

_They knew what they were getting into. Even before Laurel was born they have read countless of baby books and articles. They even attended a class in preparation for their little angel. They were prepared for the sleepless nights and the change in the household but they weren’t prepared for the heart break of seeing their daughter cry the entire day._

_Ava rocked the little baby as Sara warms up her milk. It’s three in the morning and Laurel barely slept. They were currently in the nursery which was big enough to be the little girl’s actual room in the future._

_The taller blonde murmured sweet words into Laurel’s ear but she just couldn’t stop crying. Who knew that five month old babies can cry so loud? It was a good thing that the houses weren’t close to each other because if they were, then everybody in the subdivision would be woken up._

_Hey little bean can you tell mama what’s wrong?” she kisses her tiny palm. “Do you have an ouchy? Can you point where it hurts?”_

_She always gets the same response which was Laurel’s piercing cries. At some point she would just be crying without the tears because she had cried the entire day._

_“Still crying?” Sara asked as she sprayed the milk on her wrist._

_“I don’t know what to do anymore Sara. I think she’s in pain and I don’t know where” Ava sat at the sofa, still rocking Laurel in her arms._

_Sara sat beside her and gave Ava the bottle. Laurel was quiet the first second she latched on to the silicone nipple but the moment she starts feeding she cries once more and pushed the bottle away. This was the part Sara and Ava were so concerned about. Laurel had difficulty feeding using the bottle._

_“Let me try” the shorter blonde offers her arms. She takes the baby from Ava and settles her on her lap. She pulls her shirt down and unclasps her nursing bra. Ava reaches for the nursing pillow and placed it on Sara’s lap._

_Finally, Laurel was able to feed but after feeding, she was still crying. They all fell asleep in the nursery which was the common scenario. The next morning, Laurel was silent and they were thankful however, she felt hotter than usual_

_“Sara, can you .hand me the thermometer babe” Ava said as she was feeling the baby’s forehead. “I think she has a fever”_

_Ava wasn’t wrong but it wasn’t just a fever, her temperature was a 101 and they didn’t know what to do, so they rushed her to the hospital. Sara was on the phone asking Dinah what she should do._

_“Did you try giving her a bath?” Dinah asked through speaker phone._

_“No mom, we didn’t. I...we... we didn’t know what to do...were on the way to the hospital now” Laurel started crying again, and Sara became more terrified. “Mom...I... she won’t stop crying”_

_“Hey, that’s okay. If her fever is high it’s probably an infection but we don’t know yet okay, honey? Just stay calm the doctors will figure her out”_

**\----**

_“Well, it’s not anything serious” the doctor says as he checks on Laurel._

_“What do you mean her fever is a hundred and one?” Sara was confused._

_Your daughter is teething” the doctor pulls down Laurel’s lower lip to show her swollen gums. “Teething starts at about 4 to 6 months. You said she was always crying, unable to sleep and not feeding well in the bottle. Appetite loss is common during this stage because their gums are swollen”_

_The tension in the room started to lower as the couple started to relax more. The doctor gave them medicine to sooth the swollen gums and gave them instructions on how to take care of Laurel and how to handle her teething._

_The next day, Laurel’s fever broke and her little tooth started to emerge. Her appetite started to return and she was no longer crying so much. They became good at reading Laurel’s wants and needs and they got better at taking care of her. That was the last time they brought Laurel to the hospital._

***

Sara has never touched Ava’s Tesla before, but she certainly couldn’t care less about who’s or what car she’d take. She didn’t even wait for the driver to come, she just grabbed the first key she found and ran to the garage with Nyssa following close behind her.

They immediately rushed to the emergency room where Dinah said they would be. Laurel was lying down in the bed, unconscious. Her left hand was in a cast and her tiny body was filled with cuts and bruises. Sara’s heart clenched. She couldn’t bear to see the little girl so fragile and so weak. She didn’t even know she was crying until she instinctively wiped a tear on her cheek. She felt like throwing up so she covered her mouth, trying to calm herself down.

“What happened?” she asked her mother who was now crying, leaning to Quentin for support. Sara feels Nyssa’s hand on the small of her back.

“We took her to the park to have fun with other kids. She asked for ice cream that was on the other side of the road. Quentin and I we...we were talking about work when we saw her run back to the kids. When we looked back... she was already crossing the road and...” Dinah breaks down and stepped closer to her

“I’m so sorry Sara” she finally breaks down when her mother embraced her. She couldn’t keep the pain in anymore. Her daughter was hurt and she wasn’t there to protect her. She wasn’t there when she needed her and she hated herself for it.

A few moments after they were moved to the room, Laurel arrived at the hospital. She gives Sara a reassuring smile and told her that everything was going to be okay. The doctor also spoke to her about the extent of little Laurel’s injuries. She had broken her arm and bruised her hip. She also had a few lacerations from the impact of hitting the pavement. There were no serious complications and the doctor informed her that Laurel was going to be okay and she was going to be discharged soon. It was supposed to comfort her but it didn’t. Laurel was still unconscious and the doctor said it was normal. She was awake earlier but they had to do give her a pain killer which made her tired even more.

Nyssa stayed there with her for a while until she was summoned by her father. She had no choice but to leave them. Laurel was the one who stayed with her. Together they sat in the couch, waiting for the little girl to wake up. When she finally did, relief flooded over Sara.

“Mommy?” the little girl was clearly in pain. She was still in the bed.

“Hey baby” Sara moves closer toward her. She plants a kiss on her forehead and smoothed her hair. “Hi sweetheart. You had mommy so worried” she kisses her once more.  

Laurel was never hospitalized. She wasn’t the type to get really sick. Sure she had then occasional cold or fever but not once was she taken to the emergency room. It was the first time that she felt this much worry and hurt for her child. No matter how hard it was for her, she prevented herself from crying. She doesn’t want Laurel to see how badly she was affected by all of this. She wanted her daughter to see her strong so that she would too.

“Mama?”

Sara felt like she was splashed with water. It didn’t even occur to her to call Ava. She momentarily forgot that she had to tell her ex-wife, but she couldn’t blame herself. Everything occurred so suddenly she wasn’t able to process the next steps to take. She just wanted to be with Laurel and make sure she was okay.

“Mama is coming soon sweetie” she gives her the sweetest smile. She takes Laurel’s good hand and kissed it. She murmurs comforting words to her daughter as she lets her rest once more.

“Hey sweet girl” Laurel stood at the little girl’s bedside. “You should call Ava. I’ll look after her” Laurel leaned down to smooth the little girl’s hair then she gives Sara a warm smile.

“No... It can wait-”

“She is okay now Sara. Ava needs to know. I promise if she moves even in the slightest I will call you”

Her sister was right. Laurel was already sleeping again and there’s nothing more that she could do for her so she nodded and headed out the room to call Ava.

***

She had to write tons of papers today and she decided to spend a couple more hours in the office to finish her task sooner. Being partner in her firm is not easy when she is always away. Ava barely sleeps every time she comes back to Ivy for work. She buries herself in the office so that the hours would fly by faster, allowing her to come home soon.

Ava feels the tension on her back and on her neck. She tried to ease it by massaging her shoulder but it didn’t quite do the trick. Her headache was getting worse and the sickening pit that’s been growing on her stomach wasn’t helping. She asked Gary for another cup of coffee, which he obediently made for her no questions asked.

She tried to ease her stomach with the hot drink but it was too stubborn to go away. She figured she just needed rest so she cleans her desk and file the papers accordingly and really neatly. If she was not going to take care of herself, it would be more difficult for her to perform her job. She was about to leave the office when her phone rang.

“Uhhh, Miss Sharpe? Miss Lance is on the phone”

Her brow furrowed. Sara always calls her mobile so when she checked for any missed calls or text messages she discovers it had ran out of battery.

“Forward the call Gary” She lifts her telephone to her ear. Sara never called her office before. It must have been important because she reached out even after her phone died.

“Where were you? I have been calling” There was a tone in Sara’s voice she couldn’t quite place. She sounded upset. The unpleasant pit in her stomach was more persistent and she grew more anxious by the second.

"Why what’s wrong?” she bit her lip in anticipation. Sara sighed on the other end of the line.

“Laurel is in the hospital”     

It takes her a split second before Sara’s words sank. “What?!” ” Her heart dropped. She could feel the deja vu from when Sara was shot. She feels the walls closing on her, suffocating her. “What happened?” her heart was already raising.

“She was in a car accident...”

“What?! How did this happen Sara?!” She didn’t mean to shout but she could barely contain her emotions. The thought of losing Laurel was too terrifying, too heart breaking that she just wanted to know if she was okay.

It took so much self-control for her to listen to Sara’s explanation without panicking. Sara told her that Laurel was resting and that the doctor said there weren’t any serious injuries. It was supposed to comfort her, supposed to make her feel better but the uneasiness in her stomach never settled.

"I’m coming home” she couldn’t care less about her paper works or the case that she was currently handling. One of the partners could always take the case for her. She would be getting into trouble but it would be worth it.

 “What about your case? You can’t just drop it, can you?”

“Rip is going to take care of it. Even if I stayed, I won’t be able to focus here Sara. I need to see Laurel” she didn’t want to be convinced otherwise. “I’m going home” she ended the call before Sara could say anything.

She immediately talked to her partner Rip Hunter. Telling him about the situation which was frowned upon.

“Ava, the client wants you to represent them. You were the reason they agreed to take this firm, you can’t just leave. Bennet and the other partners will have a say on this”

“They like you Rip. I trust you. Listen to me” she grabs his arms and looked him in the eyes. “You’re the only one I trust”

Thankfully, she was able to convince Rip to fill in for her in the case. The client was anxious at first but she explained to them that there will be no harm with her leaving because they were in good hands and that Mr. Hunter was the one managing everything when she was away, therefore he was up to speed of their case.

After everything was settled, Ava finds herself in the family jet, heading straight to Star City.

**\---**

It was early morning when she arrived at Star City General. Sara was peacefully asleep, face down on Laurel’s bedside, her hand on the little girl’s waist. She looked tired, even in her sleep she still had a worried expression plastered all over her face.

Ava’s heart breaks when she saw Laurel. The little girl’s right arm was in a cast and she had a couple of butterfly tapes on her forehead. Thankfully, it wasn’t as bad as she imagined it would be. Laurel’s tiny body was covered with the blanket and she prays there aren’t any more injuries hidden underneath.

She gently closes the door to wake neither the girls up. The moment the door clicks shut, Laurel stirred awake.

“Mama?” Ava’s heart breaks a little more when Laurel lit up when she saw her.

“Hey little bean” she takes a couple of strides to reach the other side of the bed from where Sara was sleeping.

She exhales out the frustration and leans her head back to prevent the tears from falling. It hurts to see her little girl this vulnerable, this fragile and small. Ava smooths Laurel’s hair and plants a quick kiss. She wipes the tear that dropped on the forehead of her daughter.

“Are we going to the zoo now?”

The taller blonde chuckled, unable to hold back the tears anymore. Laurel was always so innocent and pure, how could such terrible thing happen to her sweet girl. She gives Laurel another kiss.

“Yes sweetie” Ava smiled when the little girl lit up. “Tell you what, you be a good girl and the moment we get out of here were going to see the monkeys, would you like that?”

Laurel just nodded, her eyes sparkled and her smile was wide. After A while, Ava established that Laurel was not going to sleep again, so they bonded for a while, distracting her from the discomfort of her arm and avoiding any conversation about the accident. The little girl happily talked about something else. Ava didn’t expect her to be beaming but she was, she barely complained about being hurt.

Sara woke at around 7 in the morning. Her eyes were heavy, like she had been crying. While Laurel was watching cartoons, they took the opportunity to talk about the accident. The shorter blonde apologized for calling late and Sara further explained what had happened and the extent of their daughter’s injuries.

The doctor came an hour later, discussing Laurel’s discharge and how she can go after they have processed the papers. Ava took care of the bills while Sara readied Laurel and her things. After processing everything, they were out of the hospital by 9.

Ava drives them home while Laurel was at the back with Sara. They weren’t able to put her into the booster seat because her hips were still sore. Sara had her arm around Laurel and the little girl was leaning to her mother.

There weren’t much talk in the car. Sara called Laurel’s preschool teacher telling them about the accident and Laurel won’t be able to come anytime soon. The teacher gladly offered to homeschool Laurel which Sara and Ava agreed to.

Although Laurel was able to walk, Ava insisted her to be carried upstairs to her bedroom. Sara’s private nurse Lindsey, which she didn’t need anymore, was reassigned to take care of the little girl. Since Sara was already capable of going up and down the stairs without getting restless, they decided to move her to the second floor guest room where she could be closer to the little girl.

Ava and Sara spent the entire day in Laurel’s room, cuddling with her and giving her all the love she needed. They even allowed her to eat in bed as she watched cartoons. Finally, Laurel fell asleep while Ava was reading her, her favorite Peter Pan book.

“Good night Ava” Sara says after planting a kiss on Laurel’s forehead.

“Sara, wait” Ava called out as the shorter blonde turned the door knob

“Yeah?”

“Do you wanna...in the office?” She and the other woman haven’t spoken much ever since they left the hospital and after everything that’s happened, she didn’t want to be alone yet.

*******

Ava’s office was big; bigger than the living room of her apartment. The room was all dark wood with hints of red from the leather couches, very different to the white and pristine firm office she used to visit when they were still together. Adjacent to Ava’s desk was the ‘mini’ library filled with law books. Some were familiar, owned by her sister as well during her law school and some weren’t even law books at all.

Sara sat in the long couch near the fire place as Ava looked for alcohol. Ava spent plenty of her time in here office when they were still married. She remembers waking her up after a long night of doing paper work just to drag her to their bedroom. She shakes the memory out of her head.

She hasn’t drunk any alcohol ever since she was shot. Although it’s just been 6 weeks since she got out of the hospital, her recovery was very fast. Her doctor Gideon and her technological advances, which were exclusive for VIP patients which Ava paid for, had her wound heal 3 times faster than it should.

The taste of scotch was all too familiar to her, but this one was smoother, richer, and more expensive. She downs all of it the moment Ava fills her glass, enjoying the burn in her throat. She knew she was supposed to take it slowly but she needed the alcohol in her system.

“Easy” Ava reprimanded.

She chuckled and shook her head. “Some things never change” Sara puts the glass down closer to the other woman.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 She titled her head to indicate what she wanted and Ava got the message immediately. The taller blonde responded by pouring her another drink. Sara felt the alcohol slowly creeping into her system. She knew they were going to be up for a little while so she takes just a sip, not eager to get drunk.

They sat in silence, enjoying the comfort of each other’s presence. They were halfway through the bottle when Ava started to speak. “I’m sorry Sara” Her voice had so much sincerity in it. She didn’t expect Ava to be this raw, and vulnerable.  

“I should’ve been here. I...You needed me and I wasn’t here” Her head was down, but Sara could see and feel the sadness.

“It’s not your fault” she takes another of scotch. “Nobody could have prevented this. Your work was important Ava. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine”

She does blame herself for this. She was supposed to be the one who took Laurel to the park; instead she let her feelings dictate her judgement. She was selfish; she wanted to be alone with Nyssa so bad she sent Laurel with her parents instead.

“If I had just been there... I would’ve kept an eye on her” the alcohol must have kicked in because she is losing grip with her emotions. She could feel her tears threatening to form. “If I had been there she wouldn’t...oh god” She couldn’t stop herself from crying now. If she was sober she would’ve been able to.

“I could’ve lost her Aves”

Everything started to dawn on her, from the moment she was shot to Laurel being in an accident. If she had moved a couple of centimeters that night during their op, she would’ve been dead and Laurel would’ve grown up raised by her grandparents, or Ava. If the driver didn’t act fast enough, her daughter wouldn’t be with her today.

“Oh my god, I could’ve lost her” Sara was sobbing harder.

She felt Ava’s arm snake around her waist, murmuring comforting words to her but she doesn’t understand. She couldn’t help herself but to lean closer. She pressed her face in the crook of Ava’s neck, clinging to her.

***

Ava has never seen Sara so shaken up. She was always the tough one, even back in the day. She was always the one who needed reassurance and Sara would be there to comfort her. Seeing the other woman break down, broke her heart.

“She could have lost me” Sara managed between the sobs. “I... I always put myself on the line. She could’ve lost me. And today I wasn’t there for her Ava”

The taller blonde couldn’t do much but to listen. She rubs Sara’s arm and murmurs comforting words into her ears. Ava pulls the other woman, embracing her tighter. She and Sara haven’t been this close for a long time, but holding her, embracing her was a familiar feeling she has longed for.

“What if she...Oh god, I’m a terrible mother” it was barely a whisper. She could tell that Sara was already tired from crying.

“What? Hey no...Listen to me” She cups Sara’s face bringing it closer to hers, staring at her blue eyes, rimmed with red from crying.

 “You are an amazing mother. You have been ever since the day you found out you were pregnant. You were the one who was always there. You were the one to wake her up in the morning and put her in bed at night when I wasn’t able to. You were there for her when I barely kept it together. Sara you _raised_ her, you hear me?” Sara started to listen. Ava stroked away the tears that kept falling down her cheeks

“ _You_ are the reason why our daughter is talented, and kind, and full of love. _You_ Sara, no one else. Not even me. Because when I left you were the one that stayed” She could feel her own tears started falling down her cheeks.

It was true. Sara was the one who was always been there for their little girl. As much as it hurts to admit, she was always absent. Laurel’s accident triggered the pain of losing their son, for her and for Sara. She could feel it even though Sara didn’t say it out loud.

She felt Sara’s thumb sweep her cheek. She didn’t even realize she was crying until then. Sara was staring at her, her expression turning soft, searching for something...anything. Ava finds herself unable to look away, getting lost in Sara’s eyes.

The next thing she knew, soft lips were pressed against her own. A familiar feeling she quickly melted into. It started out slow, like they were testing waters. However, it ended as abruptly as it started. Her eyes fluttered open to see Sara, eyes still damp with tears and nose red from crying but she was so young, and so _beautiful_.

Sara was staring at her intently, reading her, asking silently if they were on the same page. The moment her eyes traveled to Ava’s lips, the atmosphere of the room shifted.

Ava tasted scotch the moment Sara’s lips crashed into hers but it tasted different, it tasted like Sara. This kiss was a little different, they weren’t testing waters anymore; they were in deep. Sara pulls her closer, deepening the kiss. Ava moans when Sara swipes her tongue over her lower lip.

She feels tears on her cheeks, maybe Sara’s, maybe her own. Every emotion they had, they poured into each other. They want this, they _needed_ this; they need to feel anything other than pain.

The heat of the alcohol was getting more intense. Ava’s hand already found its way at the hem of Sara’s top, tugging it a little higher. That’s when the other woman froze. Sara pulled away quickly. Ava’s eyes fluttered open to see her face filled with horror.

“I’m so sorry... I... I shouldn’t have done that”

It takes her a while to process everything that just happened, unable to move. She looked up to open her mouth and say something but the door had already clicked shut. Sara was already _gone_ , leaving her alone with her heart, breaking a little more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think? What do you think will happen next?


	14. Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A part of her hoped that she had gotten herself too drunk to remember but it wasn’t the case. Instead, she woke up with a hangover and without any self-respect left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im back again with another chapter! this one is a little filler chapter but were going to escalate the time soon. Im thinking of finishing it with 20 chapters and Im trying to establish a timeline.
> 
> Leave a comment, suggestion or a kudos! So much love to you guys! Anyways here is the continuation. Enjoy!

Sara was known to be a rebel when she was a teen. She would party with Oliver and Tommy, get home drunk and would eventually be grounded. She was always adventurous; always breaking the rules. Hangover was a familiar feeling, but one she hasn’t felt in a while. Her head started pounding the moment she opened her eyes and she tried to nurse it with a tall cup of coffee but it never went away.

The mornings in the mansion were quiet. She would always wake before Ava or Laurel just to feel peace even for a short while. She would sit in the patio as she listened to the birds chirping and the winds blowing; a tradition she and Ava used to do back when they were married. Recently, she has been going just to reflect and connect with the world.

The mansion had the finest backyard. It was wide, good for get-togethers and barbeques with friends. The marble floor, the swimming pool Laurel really loved and the mini garden always seem to breathe life back into her whenever she felt down or uncertain.

She needed this more than the other days because last night, she did the stupidest thing she could possibly do: she kissed Ava; she kissed her ex-wife. She prayed so many times that she would forget that mistake in the morning. A part of her hoped that she had gotten herself too drunk to remember but it wasn’t the case. Instead, she woke up with a hangover and without any self-respect left.

Sara wished she could take all of it back, the kiss, the breakdown. It all happened too fast and out of unstable emotions. She knew she wasn’t thinking clearly because if she was, she would never have kissed Ava. They were in a good place, they were starting to become friends again but she just ruined all of it. The timing of it was the worst thing. Laurel needs them now more than ever and they couldn’t afford to make mistakes especially something like this that could certainly affect their relationship with each other.

She closed her eyes and breathed in the cold air. She lets her mind ease as she focused on the things around her. Now that her senses are fully aware of her environment, she meditates, letting her mind wander, searching for a focus point.

***

****_2010_ ** **

_It was a requirement for her to attend trial today, not technically but Amaya was to testify that the accused was not guilty for the crime he committed. It doesn’t start until 30 minutes later but she had to drop off a binder and a file case Laurel left when she stayed at her apartment for the night. Since it was urgent, she had no choice but to come early._

_She sat at the bench outside the courtroom, checking on e-mails when her stomach started to churn. She missed breakfast today, intentionally, because she didn’t want to be there when Gwen wakes, girl she met at a random bar. They hooked up a couple of times but she didn’t want to send the wrong message. She wasn’t the commitment type and even a smart and sweet girl like Guinevere cant change her mind._

_Then she remembers there was a café not a minute walk away from the courthouse so she grabs her purse after deciding to grab a bite to eat. Preoccupied with her phone, she accidentally hit someone the moment she turns around. A loud thud echoed as a couple of things fell on the floor._

_“What the!” the other woman crouched to pick up her binders and papers. “What is wrong with you?” Sara crouched down to help as well. After grabbing her stuffs, the tall blonde stood up to straighten her suit._

_“I’m sorry I didn’t see you” Sara levels the papers before she handed it to her._

_“Maybe if you stopped staring at your phone for a moment then you could’ve seen me” the other woman was clearly unhappy. She harshly grabs the paper from Sara and inserted it in the binder. She continued ranting about how Sara was careless and lacked focus._

_“Excuse me? Sara normally understood, but today was different. She was hungry and cranky and she didn’t like how rudely this person is reacting to what just happened._

_She eyed the other girl from top to bottom. She was wearing a ridiculous navy, poly blend pantsuit and her hair was tied up in an impossibly neat bun that must’ve taken an unimaginable amount of bobby pins and hair spray to hold up. There was no doubt for a moment that this girl was uptight, controlling and bossy._

_“I said I was sorry! Maybe if weren’t in such a hurry then you might not have bumped into me!”_

_“Maybe if you weren’t so short and blind then you would have seen me!” This girl was getting on her nerves. Too bad because the tall blonde was actually hot however, she was stiff and too uptight for Sara’s taste. “You know what? You are impossible”_

_“I’m impossible?” the tall blonde didn’t care to respond she just bumped Sara’s shoulder as she walked past her._

\---

_After the trial ended Sara and her friends went to the Waverider, a little, futuristic, space vehicle themed diner they always hanged out on every Friday night. The ‘legends’ would always come for pizza night and relax after work._

_“Rude bitch” Zari commented after she told her about the encounter with Miss Pantsuit, as she liked to call her. Sara lets her friend devour the donuts she bought for herself, amazed by how much Zari can fit in one bite._

_“Damn girl” she involuntarily remarked after Zari swallows down the entire glazed donut._

_“Constant practice and ample love for donuts sis” the hacker girl clicked her tongue and made okay signs with her hands._

_Zari and Sara’s friendship started like a cliché teen movie where they hated each other in the beginning but eventually became the best of friends. Zari was a hacker they caught in one of the missions but turned out to be a valuable asset in the precinct. Her skills were unmatched and after clearing her name and proving her change of heart she became a consultant, to which Sara disagreed to, then after months of working she was immediately promoted to be a computer forensic analyst. She and Sara hanged for coffee one time, after a stressful case and they became really good friends after that._

_“How are you not sick of donuts Z, you have them every day” Nate took a sip of his coffee. After Zari arrived he and Mick followed with them. Nate started out as an evidence technician in the precinct but eventually became a CSI._

_Mick just grunted and took a bite off his sandwich and downed it with beer. Mick was one of the OG Legends with his previous partner Snart who was killed in line of duty, along with a few others who are now living their own lives away from the cop life._

_“Well donuts are sweet and therefore contain sucrose. Sucrose not only spikes up our insulin levels but also increases our endorphins which boosts our mood and causes a temporary chemical high. Which explains why she likes it so much” Ray was an OG too, one of the first friends Sara had after they were introduced by Oliver. Ray was a softie and had the purest heart among the group. He was smart and very creative that at such a young age he was able to invent technological advancements._

_“It’s amazing how he can string 3 words that mean the same in a sentence and not make it awkward and redundant” Zari pops a fry in her mouth._

_“It’s amazing how he can have so much information in that brain and not know what planking is” Amaya giggled._

_Time flew so fast they barely knew it was 11 pm. Ray had to get ready for a proposal and couldn’t stay any later. Amaya and Nate had to leave early too and volunteered to take the drunk and unconscious Mick home._

_She and Zari along with 3 other people were the only ones left in the diner. They were still trying to finish the leftover food when the rain started to pour. The blonde woman cursed silently. She was not able to bring an umbrella and her car was parked away from the diner._

_Her attention was caught by the door chimes and the curses that followed through. Sara’s head turned to see a tall blonde girl who was soaking wet, trying to shake off all the rain water from her clothes and her binder. To her surprise, it was the same blonde girl who she bumped into earlier._

_For a second she thought it was karma for being rude to her earlier but when she saw the other woman frown and slump her body in the booth, she actually felt bad for her. She calls Zari’s attention and tilted her head to the blonde woman’s direction._

_“She’s hot. Not your type though, too stiff” she casually said then resumed eating the last slice of pizza._

_“No dummy. That’s her” She raised her brows to indicate her point. It took a moment before Zari finally caught up to her._

_“Oh! Her! Tight bun and pantsuit?” Zari’s eyes were wide open._

_Sara nodded. She turned her head to see the poor woman wiping her things and trying to salvage the papers that weren’t soaked. Her neat bun was now loose and her suit jacket gone. Sara couldn’t help but stare. She eyed as the tall blonde reached for her hair and removed the bobby pins, letting her hair fall down in soft curls and damp from the rain._

_She could still see the frown and frustration in her face. The tall blonde was staring blankly at the wet papers, tears starting to form in her eyes. She hastily wipes them and pretends to not care. Sara couldn’t just stare anymore, so she stood up._

_She swears she could hear Zari asking her “where are you going?” but she didn’t stop until she reached the tall blonde’s booth. She was facing downward, wiping the binder and her bag so she didn’t see Sara approach and lend her handkerchief. The shorter blonde had to clear her throat._

_The tall blonde stared at the handkerchief first before looking at her with hesitation. Sara gently nudges the cloth towards her._

_“Thanks umm?” the other woman gently took the hankie._

_“Lance... Sara Lance” she offered her hand which the other woman shook._

_“It was you” the tone was almost accusatory but it didn’t sound like that she was mad at all._

_“Yeah...I’m the clumsy asshat that bumped into you” Sara teased, quoting the other woman earlier at the encounter._

_“I’m Ava...” the taller blonde scrunched her face “but mostly sorry. I didn’t mean to snap on you I just had a horrible day” ‘Ava’ genuinely said._

_“That’s okay” she noticed that the other woman resumed wiping her things “ooh, are those papers for trial?” there was a confusion in Ava’s face when she met her gaze. “you were in the courtroom and in a suit so I just assumed... you were a lawyer” she further clarifies._

_“oh no, not yet. I’m a third year law student. I was meeting a partner of the firm I was trying to get into. The stupid papers are for my exams... I... Is she your friend? It’s just that she keeps staring”_

_Sara turns her head to see Zari who wasn’t even going to try and hide the fact that she was staring at them the entire time. She gives Sara two thumbs up with the ‘your-doing-great-honey’ face. “I’m sorry don’t mind her”_

\---

_After talking for almost three hours in the diner Sara realized that Ava wasn’t bad after all. She was smart and very opinionated but she was funny too, in her own little way. She was actually a great company that Sara didn’t miss the chance to ask her out for coffee some time._

_The first date was followed by a second then a third and before they knew it she and Ava were already fully committed to each other which was a miracle for Sara’s friends. The short blonde finally entered into something serious without her knowing. Ava Sharpe was different from the other girls and guys she’s dated or hooked up with. There was something about her smile and her gentleness she only showed to Sara that made her fall more and more each day._

_A year later, they were engaged, living in a cozy apartment they purchased together. Ava graduated law school and passed the bar exam and Sara was doing really well in the precinct. Another year passed and they were married, Sara was promoted to detective and Ava was already working as a defense attorney in the firm she loved._

_A year after they were married Ava made partner in the firm she worked in later on bought the firm. Sara was one of the top performing detectives in Starling and her career was getting better and better._

_By 2014, their little girl was born. Sara was offered a job by the FBI but turned it down because of Laurel. Ava was starting to be in demand, getting more and bigger clients and by 2016 they decided to have another baby._

\---

Sara breathes in deeper. Unable to concentrate any longer, she opened her eyes. She goes through the years she and Ava were together and wondered ‘how did we get here?’ She sips her coffee that had been sitting for too long.

She instinctively turned around when she felt someone behind her. “hey... I didn’t know you came here anymore”

Ava was just as beautiful as the day she had met her; her blonde hair cascading on one side of her shoulder and her silk robe clinging tightly on her body. Waking up next to her in the morning, bare faced and all natural was one of her favorite things back when they were married.

“I come here in the mornings” she invites Ava to sit beside her. Thankfully there wasn’t any awkwardness between them. Ava’s presence felt comfortable close to her. “Laurel awake?”

“Not yet. Poor thing deserves to rest” Ava sips on to her own cup of coffee.

They were silent for a while, not daring to bring up the kiss or Sara’s break down the night before. They didn’t even talk about Laurel. Sara hated every second of it; it felt like the wall between them was built up once more. They were back to guarding every word, every action they were about to do. One wrong move can bring them back to square one.

Ava was the first one to break the silence, telling her that Laurel looked for her last night. After their kiss, Sara retreated back to her room. She wanted to visit their girl but she knew that Ava was going to be there so she didn’t want to risk bumping into her too soon.

They had a few small talks before Laurel woke. They spent the majority of the day with the little girl, setting aside their personal problems. The little girl was unable to notice the tension between her parents and Sara was grateful for it. She forgets the previous night and pray that Ava doesn’t bring it up.

***

Laurel was able to walk but Ava wanted to carry the little girl down the stairs. Sara silently followed them to the dining room where the breakfast was already set. The table was filled with Laurels’ favorites: bacon, waffles, eggs, fresh fruits and more.

For the first time the little girl was sat in the middle chair at the edge of the table. Ava was sat on the left and Sara on the right. They took turns in feeding the little girl and she enjoyed every second of it. They kept the little girl distracted enough that she didn’t notice her broken arm and her cuts.

Sara barely talked to her, barely even looked at her after their casual talk in the patio. The event of last night was never brought up so she decided it would be wise to keep her mouth shut. They eventually have to talk about it but she already ran the different scenarios in her mind before she went to bed. When the night got deeper she eventually comforted herself with the thought that Sara might forget about it in the morning. When the other woman didn’t bother mentioning it, she hoped maybe she did.

They hardly had spoken after breakfast. Ava feels like they were playing pretend every time they try to interact casually for Laurel’s sake. She kept herself busy with paper work while Sara spent time with the little girl.

Friends and family visited Laurel throughout the day which made her ex-wife more occupied. Ava didn’t know if she was grateful for the distraction because it made her more anxious about their impending talk. If she were to confront Sara, it may end up in a fight that would shake their growing friendship. If she didn’t then they would forever tip toe with each other and make things extra awkward and complicated between them.

Ray visited for a while with Nora and their daughter Ivy who was Laurel’s playmate. Felicity and Laurel also brought goodies that the little girl loved so much. Zari was the last one to drop by the house with her girlfriend Charlie, Amaya’s twin sister. Ava finally shut the computer off and joined them in the dining room.

It wasn’t a shock to her to discover that the hacker also swung that way but it was nice to finally see her happy. Ava always knew that Amaya had a twin but she has never seen her in person. The woman sitting beside their friend was way different than her twin. Amaya was feminine and always carried herself with respect and grace. Charlie on the other hand, was more of a rebel chic; she wore black, leather and plaid. Her personality was stronger too and it wasn’t a surprise that Zari liked her. Charlie helped Laurel designing her cast with stickers and pens while Zari and Sara talked.

“What’s up with you and Sharpe?” Zari popped a strawberry in her mouth.

“What do you mean?” Sara defensively said almost immediately. Ava then fit the puzzle pieces and assumed that she remembered everything that happened.

“There’s a vibe” Zari squinted her eyes and swung her pointer back and forth between her and Sara.

“What vibe? There is no vibe” she was supposed to be the better liar but the look on Zari’s face says that she was not one bit convincing.

“Huh”

Zari and Charlie stayed for dinner but didn’t stay long after. Ava and Sara bathed Laurel and tucked her in the bed without letting the tension between them affect their interaction with the little girl. After reading her a book, Laurel was out like a light with exhaustion. Sara was about to go to her room but Ava couldn’t stand the silence and the weird aura between them.

“Can we talk?”


	15. Merry Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara was about to close the door when she spoke before she thought “Sara, wait” Ava tried her best to think of what to say next
> 
> “Yeah?”
> 
> “Merry Christmas”
> 
> “Merry Christmas Aves” Sara gave her the sweetest smile and the door clicked shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back after forever. I'd like to thank everyone who has been patient and so kind. Your encouragement and comments inspire me to write even more. You guys keep me going and I'm so grateful for all of you.
> 
> So this chapter is a little filler chapter nothing dramatic and such. I just wanted a chill chapter so you guys have an idea what they really feel. And a little Christmas celebration that isn't as fun? Anyways. I'll leave you guys to it! Enjoy!

They were back in Ava’s office again, only now, they were seated there in silence. Sara wanted to avoid the talking because everybody knows that sharing feelings were never her strong suit or their marriage’s. There was a time of course, when they told each other their secrets and how they felt but who they were before was far too different than who they are now. 

The wood crackled under the fire. Its warmth radiated through the entire room but even then their coldness seems to seep through each other. Sara didn’t like to be vulnerable.  She had practiced locking her feelings in a box and setting them aside, Ava taught her that and she mastered it well, and if anything can open that box, it would be alcohol. She poured herself a glass of scotch, reprimanding herself that it wasn’t a good idea to be drunk again near her ex-wife.

“That’s not smart” Ava points out when downs the scotch in one go. The taller blonde crossed her arms as she approached her.

“Maybe not” Sara grabs the crystal decanter and poured Ava a glass. “Let’s just say it’s an essential pre-discussion drink” she hands Ava the glass which she hesitantly accepts. The other woman gulps the scotch before she sits on the other end of the couch.

Sara can see the hesitation in Ava’s eyes. Her dark blue orbs couldn’t even last more than a second locked in her own.  She always had a bad habit of biting her lip whenever she was nervous and she would always swipe her thumb at the back of her hand. Sara knew her all too well. Well enough that she knew Ava wouldn’t just let go of what happened the night before without explanation or further clarification.

 “Well you wanted to talk” Sara exhales. She intently waits for Ava to speak.

“I don’t know how to start. I almost thought you’d forget in the morning but judging by how we were acting today I’m guessing you knew exactly what happened” Ava started. She was staring deep into Sara’s eyes, looking for a response or a confirmation. So Sara nodded her head lightly, embarrassed as she recalls the previous event.

“So...” before Ava could even continue her sentence she unconsciously blurted out a line she practiced several times over in her head.

“It was just a kiss Ava” the taller blonde’s mouth was slightly opened at mid-sentence, interrupted by what she just said. She couldn’t stop but notice the flash of disappointment in her eyes. It was there for a second and gone the next. Ava was silent and it felt like a que for her to continue. “I was drunk and emotional and you were there. That was it. I’m with Nyssa now and even if I’m not we still... we can’t...” She didn’t have to finish the sentence for Ava to get the point.

They haven’t stayed in the mansion for more than a month and a half but it felt longer than that. The fact that they had history made everything fall into place a little faster than expected. Sara always tells herself that she had to forgive Ava and have a good relationship with her for Laurel but it was more than that. She needed closure and she needed to let go of the past. Ava did too. She knew if they didn’t lower their pride, staying around would be impossible.

Sara knew what she was getting into the moment she said yes to recuperating in their old house. She knew it would bring up memories and faded feelings and she prepared for it. She cautioned herself, guarded her every decision and reflected on it the moment she opened her eyes in the morning and before she closed them at night.  They were broken up and moved on, she was firm to believe that. However, the recent events, starting to repair their friendship and building a more suitable relationship for Laurel’s sake, makes things a little confusing. She could analyze their action, she was trained for that but the emotions that came with it were more difficult to manipulate.

That one kiss should mean nothing. She kissed a lot of girls before. It should mean nothing because she no longer feel that way towards Ava or at least she thinks she doesn’t because no matter how hard she tries to let it go it kept coming back to her. She wanted more from that kiss, she longed for it. It took her everything just to pull away. She had to remind herself that Laurel would be devastated if they destroyed whatever they have now. She knew it was wrong but it didn’t feel like it. It felt right, it felt pure and genuine and comforting.

She couldn’t deny the fact that every time Ava laughs it warms her heart and whenever she sees her with Laurel, a part of her always wondered what they could’ve been if she fought harder and didn’t let things go out of control. There would be moments where she saw her Ava; the kind, loving and caring Ava she missed so much. Then her heart would ache, knowing that her Ava was gone a long time ago and she could never have her back.

Ava cleared her throat “I know. I just needed to know that we were on the same page” she bit on her lip again. If the situation was different she would’ve kiss her hesitations away but it isn’t.

“And what page is that?”

She wasn’t dense. She could sense the different aura Ava gives off whenever they were together but she didn’t want to assume what it meant. Even if she was right, there could be nothing more to it. Neither Ava’s feelings nor her own will ever change the situation they were in.

“The page where we don’t screw things up...for Laurel” Ava replied.

Sara pushes her empty glass towards Ava and the other woman poured her a drink. Ava hands her the glass and their hands brushed making Sara gasp inaudibly. She takes the glass and sipped to calm her nerves.

“We don’t have to make things awkward Aves.” she surprised herself as to how natural that nickname passed her lips “Laurel is a smart girl and eventually she would figure out that we are acting weird. She needs us now”

“I know” Ava sighs. “It was just a kiss. It didn’t have to mean anything”   but the hesitation in her eyes says otherwise.

\---

            Sara was grateful that she and Ava finally agreed to put the events of the night before behind them. The awkwardness faded as the days passed by. They placed their efforts into making sure that Laurel was getting the care she needed. They would dress her wound together and doodle on her cast, which was already filled with stickers, glitters and drawings from the people who visited her.

            William and Victoria dropped by once to check on Laurel. They brought several boxes with them, some big, some small, wrapped in fancy paper. ‘Laurel’s gifts for Christmas’ they said. Some of them were theirs, labeled by the card that comes with the packaging.

The holiday was fast approaching and the house was still to be transformed into a Christmas wonderland. Laurel picked the theme more than a week ago but they didn’t have the time to shop for decorations but now that she was better, Sara and Ava decided it was best they take the little girl out. They went to their usual store in the city, almost an hour drive but it was well worth it. The mall was ornamented by lights, candy canes and red and green décor.

Ava pushed the cart while Laurel sat inside; Sara was on the side, picking out the items Laurel wanted. They let little girl pick a couple of decorations, mostly snow men and reindeers. They also decided to get a white tree and ornaments to go along with it. Minutes later they asked help from Mick and Nate for the bags which they gladly accepted. After buying a couple more décor and realizing they couldn’t carry more they decided to stop shopping. Mick offered to carry the bags in his pickup truck and accompany them home.  

            The process of transforming the house was by far the most tiring and most enjoyable thing they did. Laurel, Zari, Amaya and Charlie came over to help them. Nate and Mick stayed to help too. They all decorated the living room, the kitchen and the backyard with white, blue and gold décor. The Christmas tree was then delivered to the mansion and they had fun setting that up too. Ava carried little Laurel on her hips so that she could help put on the ornaments while Sara set up the lights and the gifts under the tree. Hours later they were able to finish setting everything up except for the rooms which they decided on finishing the next day.

            When evening came they all sat at the patio grilling and drinking beer. Nora and Ray also came over with Ivy along with Felicity, Oliver, Thea and Tommy. It was the first time in years that they had an impromptu party.  Everyone shared stories, laughed at each other’s jokes and enjoyed the food.

            When Christmas rolled in, Ava threw another party.  Sara’s family was invited to the mansion and so were her friends. For a moment it all felt like what it used to. When they were still married, Ava would also throw intimate parties like this for family and friends. She and the taller blonde would cook from scratch with Nana Anne’s help and Dinah’s. Her friends would look after Laurel and they would prepare for their dinner.

            Sara’s heart ached when she saw everyone gathered in the living room, enjoying their own glasses of wine, and Mick with his usual choice of beverage, beer. Little Laurel and Ivy were coloring on the center table while the adults ate and socialized. She _almost_ believed that everything was what they used to.

            “I missed this too” Sara gasped when Ava appeared out of nowhere.

The taller blonde was wearing a red sweater with reindeer patterns, the same one she is wearing and Laurel too, their daughters idea. They were also compelled by the little girl to wear gold flashing antlers for headbands. In fact, everyone was wearing ‘ugly’ Christmas sweaters with all kinds of designs and in various colors. 

“Laurel and I...if all this didn’t happen, we were supposed to spend the Christmas at dads” Sara smiled. “We spent our last Christmas there” she felt the shift in Ava’s aura and she could see the sadness in her eyes.

“Sara...” she could hear the apology coming.

“Don’t. I knew you had a hard time too” she smiled sadly. “The important thing is you’re here now. She loved your gifts”

She remembered how upset Laurel was when Ava couldn’t come for Christmas. They had to explain to her that Mama was at work and that she would visit soon. Ava sent Laurel gifts every day until the 25th of December. They were simple; some were toys, clothes, books, and a few art materials because Laurel loved to color. For Sara it was never a substitute for her presence but Laurel was too young to understand and the gifts made her forget that she wouldn’t get to see her mama. This year is different though. She hasn’t seen Laurel this excited or this happy.

***

            Everything was going great until the doorbell rang. Ava sees Sara walking to the door at the corner of her eye. She takes the lasagna out of the oven and settled it in the counter. She removes her apron and lets Nana Anne take care of the rest of the food as she joined with the group of people in the living room.

            Moments later the door closes and she turned her head to see Sara with a dark haired woman. It was Nyssa. She held a gift on one hand and Sara’s on another. She knew that Nyssa was coming over, she and Sara talked about it. Apparently not everyone was informed because when she turned around she saw the confused look Laurel gave her.

            The quiet living room suddenly hushed making things a little weird. So Ava swallowed her uneasiness and stood up and greeted Nyssa with a smile. “Hey Nyssa come on in!” her shoulders relaxed a little when everyone started to welcome the other woman.

            “She brought wine” Sara lifts the drink for them to see.

            “Thank you” Ava smiles as wide as she could. She could tell Nyssa was just as uncomfortable as she is. She grabs the drink from Sara “I’ll go and put this in a bucket”

            She heard little Laurel greet the other woman as she walked away. She looked back to see Nyssa carrying her daughter, showering her with kisses and giving her the gift. She exhales when she arrives at the kitchen counter to try to calm herself. She didn’t expect to be this affected seeing the other woman. Ava was always protective of what’s hers and what was important to her. This time however she didn’t have the right to be jealous.

            “It’s difficult isn’t it?” she turned her head to see Dinah opening a cabinet. “waking up to them in the morning, living with them, making memories with them but at the end of the day they still aren’t yours...not anymore” the other woman pulls out the bucket and hands it to her. The words hit her so hard. She could feel her cheeks getting hot and her tears starting to form.

            “What did you expect hon? You left them. You were gone even before you signed those papers” Ava opened the fridge to get some ice.

            “I’ve made peace with it” she fills the bucket with ice while Dinah grabs a glass.

            “Have you?” Ava turns around to see a sad expression on the other woman’s face. She knew she hasn’t and Dinah knew that too. It is written all over her face that she believes none of it one bit.

            “You still love her” Dinah points out “She loves you too”

Her heart almost skipped a beat. A part of her always hoped that she still had a place in Sara’s heart but she didn’t come to Star City to sweep Sara off her feet; she came because she cared for her and for their little girl. She expected Sara to be mad and to push her away but it she never did.

Dinah stepped a little closer to her “I don’t know what she said to you but I have seen plenty of look of love in my Sara’s eyes from the moment she knew what love meant. Believe me when I say...” Dinah smiled “it never shines brighter than when she is with you”

Ava’s mouth dropped, finding the right words to say. It sounded like Dinah was still rooting for her in a way and she didn’t expect it to hear it from her ex mother-in-law. She and Dinah used to be really close and they had a relationship good enough that the woman became her second mother when she married Sara. Dinah would always talk to her, give her advice and comfort her when she needed it.

Sara’s mother took the wine and placed it on the bucket. She leaves Ava alone in the kitchen as she tried to compose herself before going back to the party. After letting Dinah’s words sink in she asks Nana Anne’s help in setting up the table; after which everyone gathered to the dining area.

Everyone was already in their chair except for Ava, Sara and Nyssa. Ava situated herself in the center chair where she always sat. Laurel was standing on the left side of the table, in between two empty chairs. Nyssa was about to pull out the chair closest to Ava before the little girl spoke.

“That’s my place” she said unable to pronounce the ‘l’ clearly. “Mommy?” she points at the empty seat next to hers. This was always their sitting arrangement whenever they ate and little Laurel has grown familiar with it. The only available chair now was beside Laurel who was on the right side of the table in front of Sara.

“I’m sorry” Sara whispers to Nyssa but it was still audible due to their proximity.

The dinner went on smoothly. Ava focused her attention to Laurel who needed someone to help her eat. Sara would cut up her food into little squares and she would wipe the little girl’s face and occasionally feed her if she gets distracted. They all casually talked and laughed as they drank vintage wine and ate.

Before she was with Sara, Ava didn’t have plenty of friends. All though she was popular in school when she was younger, she wasn’t socially active. She much rather spend her time reading books than going out on Friday nights. Still, people flocked and wanted to become friends with her because of her family name.

When she and Sara finally started dating, she discovered how different they were when it comes to personality. Sara was reckless, hard headed and impulsive and so were her friends. Ava disapproved of them for some time but eventually grown to love the idiots that loved Sara as much as she did. Looking back, the legends became the family she never thought she would have. The uptight and mean Ava Sharpe turned into a goofy, friendly and caring person and she was proud to admit that the legends had influenced her to become so.

 After the dinner they put Laurel to bed and Ray and Nora brought their daughter home because it was way past her bedtime. Dinah and Quentin already left too. The rest of them gathered at the patio for a few more drinks. Ava could already feel the beer hitting her but she grabs one more at the table. She sits beside Nate who was nursing a half empty bottle.

“Cheers” Nate said clicking their beers.

Amaya and Laurel were already drunk and dancing to Zari’s singing accompanied by her guitar and Charlie, who was drumming her Cajon they brought along with them. Nyssa and Sara were cuddled by the sunbathing bed and Mick was sitting on the floor surrounded by beer bottles. They jammed for a while until they were too drunk to even go on. All throughout their session Ava couldn’t help but glance to where Sara and Nyssa were. She would catch them whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ear and her heart would ache a little more when she would see Sara laughing.

“Were going to drive them home” Charlie grunts as she helps put the drunken Amaya in the car.

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Sara shuts the door after she stuffed the unconscious Nate at the other side of the back seat.

“Who’s going to drive Mick?” Ava points to Mick who was barely holding on to her shoulder. Charlie and Zari had their car already packed and Mick’s apartment was on the east of the city.

“I’ll take him” Nyssa volunteers.

“I thought you were going to sleep over” Sara frowns. Sara had asked her earlier if it wasn’t too awkward that Nyssa slept over and Ava didn’t have the heart to turn down her request.

“I can’t today babe”

At the corner of her eye she sees Nyssa kiss Sara’s hand and she couldn’t help but feel a little ache in her heart. She stops listening in and says goodbye to her friends. “You guys take care okay” she hugs Zari tight.

“You stop torturing yourself and get her back okay?” Zari whispers and kisses her cheek.

First Laurel, then Dinah and now Zari; She was starting to think that she was losing her touch and if her friends can see behind her façade then Sara would’ve too. She tried to think of a snarky response but she was stunned. “Shut up idiot”

Ava hugs Charlie too and the moment she turned around she sees Sara leaning in to Nyssa for a kiss. She couldn’t explain the feeling but all she knew was that she was angry and hurt and _jealous_. She didn’t realize she was still staring until Sara’s eyes met hers. She felt her cheeks turn red from embarrassment.

“I’ll go check on Laurel”

**\---**

Ava couldn’t believe that Sara caught her staring at them kissing. She scurried away from them thinking that the embarrassment would die down if she had gotten far enough. Ava calms herself before she opened the door to Laurel’s room. To her surprise, it was empty.

She started to panic and open every door to check where the little girl might have been. Her heart relaxed when she saw the little girl peacefully asleep, clutching her Beebo doll inside the master’s bedroom. Ava debated to carry the little girl back to her room but she didn’t have the heart to wake her up.

She laid beside Laurel, propping herself up with one elbow as she smoothed her daughters hair. Her skin was pale, freckled like her mother and her lips and dimpled chin resembled Sara’s so perfectly. She had so much love for Laurel that her heart felt like it was going to explode. “I love you so much” she kissed her temples.

No matter how much time she spends with the little girl, it could never take away the guilt she felt when she left. She promised herself to never let her child feel abandoned or forgotten and she knew she failed on that promise. Although a year doesn’t compare to how long her parents missed her life growing up, her experience taught her that it had lasting effects.

Her thoughts were disturbed when she heard three knocks on the door. Before she could answer Sara’s head already peeped through the door.

“Have you seen...?” Ava points to the little bump on the bed. She saw the relief in the shorter blonde’s face.

“She’s sneaky I’ll give her that” Sara smiled sweetly, amused by her daughter. There was something about her smile that was so contagious.  Ava couldn’t help but chuckle. “I just came to check up on her.” Sara continues.

The shorter blonde gave Laurel a quick kiss on the forehead. “I’ll leave you guys. Good night”

 Sara was about to close the door when she spoke before she thought “Sara, wait” Ava tried her best to think of what to say next

“Yeah?”

“Merry Christmas”

 “Merry Christmas Aves” Sara gave her the sweetest smile and the door clicked shut.

Today was difficult, tomorrow is another story. And if she could bottle up whatever she feels for Sara one day at a time then maybe they can reach the New Year without screwing things up.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed please subscribe and leave a comment or a kudos! So much love to all of you guys <3 Late Christmas greeting but Happy Holidays to you and your family! Also advanced Happy New Year cos the next time im going to update is going to be 2019! woot woot!


	16. Great Gatsby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She laughed at how stupid she might look at the moment. Sara was still confused. Her face shifted, looking a little more sad than worried. Ava looked down and saw tears drop to the rail handle.
> 
> “Hey. What is it?” Sara coaxed. Ava only dismissed the question with a shake. “Hey, don’t go in your corner”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS GAY IS BACK FROM THE DEAD. I know I know, please don't hate me. :( I don't know why i'm always losing inspiration to write. This happens to me a lot so I apologize to everyone who waited. But I promised I would still continue. Four chapters left to this story and I hope you would still read it despite my long absence. Anyways, here's a gift from me to you. I hope I make it up to you guys :D

It was a week before New Year’s when Victoria and William showed up in their front door with a ticket to a one week cruise in the Allure of the Seas. Sara and Ava didn’t even have time to object. The Sharpe’s _demanded_ them to come and it was final and irrevocable. Laurel was the most excited of all. They packed within an hour and hopped to the private jet that took them to the docks.

William explained that they had planned a vacation for Laurel and wanted to expose their granddaughter to the luxury that they can afford. After all, Laurel was the future of their company. The cruise will also be where the Senator, William’s cousin will celebrate his birthday and of course, the annual New Year’s party.

They were ferried by the family yacht to where the ship was. The Allure of the Seas Star was the fanciest ship Sara has ever been on. It felt like a palace filled with everything they could ever need. They were handed their itineraries for the entire cruise which showed their lunch schedule and dinner schedule as well as the parties they had to attend.

They spent their first day settling in and touring the ship and all its amenities. Exploring the entire ship seemed impossible at first but finally they were able to identify the places and activities they could explore and do. The first three days of the cruise was fun but also exhausting. In the mornings Sara, Ava and Laurel would roam around, swim and enjoyed the activities in the ship but during evenings they would go to formal dinners with businessmen, politicians and socialites.

Sara tried to keep herself out of big conversations, which were mostly business deals and politics, and focused on their daughter. Ava was the one who entertained the socialites. She always had a talent of keeping people entertained and getting them to like her. After all, Ava is a Sharpe and she spoke their language.

Sara and Ava were grateful for the vacation. For a moment they forgot about the outside world and their problems. For the first time in months they enjoyed and had fun as a family. Laurel was always laughing and smiling and everyone was amused with the little girl.

\---

“Mama up” Laurel was too old to be carried but the little girl burned too much energy playing in the pool. Seeing how tired their daughter was, Sara let her ex-wife carry the little girl back to their room.

“Mama, stay” the little girl whined when Ava put her down on the bed.

Despite being in good terms, the exes agreed that it was best they didn’t stay in the same room. Ava stayed in the connecting room beside Sara’s and Laurel slept alternately between rooms depending on her mood. This was the first time the little girl wanted Ava and Sara to be with her.

“Hey babe, mama needs to rest” Sara laid beside her daughter and kissed her forehead. “You’ll have plenty of time with mama tomorrow, okay?”

Laurel was usually a very understanding kid, a little more mature than others her age. Sara didn’t always have a difficult time explaining things to her but Laurel _is_ still four. “I want mama” the little blonde crossed her arms and frowned.

“Do you want me to transfer you to mama’s room?” Sara asked a little hurt. It wasn’t like she didn’t want her daughter to sleep beside her mama but she was upset that Laurel didn’t want to be with her in ‘her’ day.

“I want to sleep beside you and mama” the little girl pouted even more. Sara’s eyes met Ava’s apologetic look. The shorter blonde sighed and dropped her shoulders in defeat.

“Just until you fall asleep. Okay?”  Sara replied, unable to deny the little girl.

\---

_The boat tilted side to side as the waves crashed and the thunder roared. The lightning struck closer and closer each time and her heartbeat started racing. She’s never seen a thunderstorm as wild as this before._

_The wine glasses shattered on the floor and so did the thousand dollar bottle of pinot they almost emptied. She felt the boat tip to one side, yanking her body across the floor as it did. Finally, she was able to scream. Her voice was immediately muffled and her lungs started to burn. She continued to scream but no sound pierced through. Water filled her lungs before she realized she was being dragged under water._

_Sara tried her hardest to swim back up but the pull was too strong. She didn’t stop pulling herself up until she felt the wind blow against her skin. She gasped for air as the waves crashed against her, drowning her._

_"Ollie!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. “Ollie!” the waves continued to crash against her, making it more difficult to breathe or speak. She didn’t even realize she was shivering, freezing from the cold._

_"Sara!” she hears Oliver call out._

_"Ollie I’m here! I’m right here”_

_"Sara!” she could hear him call out again only this time it wasn’t Oliver._

Sara gasped for air as she woke. She could still feel the cold against her skin and the burning sensation in her lungs. She hugged her knees to her chest and rubbed the chill off her arms. She was shaking, still reeling from the dream.

“Hey” she hears a soft voice trying to calm her. “You’re okay” a hand fell on the small of her back, rubbing up and down, warming her up.

She lied back down and felt comforted by the soft pillow and sheets, thankful that it wasn’t salt water. She thinks of Laurel and their happy memories to calm her down. At the corner of her eye, she catches Ava propping herself up with her elbow.

"It’s okay. I’m right here” she felt a warm hand on her chest. It felt so right that she didn’t notice she held it in place with her own.

“And here I thought you gave nightmares not have them” Ava smiled.

Sara felt her heart ache. Back when they were married, Ava would always calm her and put her hand in her chest and talk her through the nightmares. Sara even visited a therapist for a brief period of time when her nightmares got persistent. However, all those went away when she had Laurel.

 “You haven’t had one of those in years”

“Yeah” she finally notices Ava’s hand on her chest. She pushes it off from her and cuddles closer to Laurel who was between them.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Ava whispers. “What was it?”

“Same as always.” she forces the images off her head “Maybe it’s the ship” she wanted to brush Ava off but it has been a while since she had a nightmare and she couldn’t quite shake the fear.

“Shit” It wasn’t like Ava to curse; she was always careful around Laurel but Sara was too  preoccupied to correct her. “I’m sorry Sara, I didn’t even... I thought you were okay. Shit why am I so insensitive?”

“It’s okay. I thought I was over it”

The gambit was one of her worst fears. She got traumatized by boats and deep waters. She even feared storms for a period of time but then she met friends that helped her through it. She was in therapy for months before she was able to star to swim in pools, then beaches and then finally, go on boat rides.

The nightmares stayed however. They would always be the gambit, the Queen family’s boat crashing. Sara was still in college back then. She and Laurel had a bad conversation and she decided to hurt her sister by going on a boat trip with her boyfriend. Sara almost drowned but she was found and rescued. She and Laurel were in bad terms for a while before they realized that family was more important. That was the last time she did something stupid before she decided to join the force.

At first, Sara was hesitant to sleep next to Ava because she was too scared that she would be turned off by her weird nightmares. However, she found out that the other woman was her anchor that kept her grounded and steady. Ava would always find a way to bring her back and make her feel safe.

Sara wasn’t good with feelings and she hated being vulnerable but she was also human and couldn’t just burry everything down. She was sure that she was no longer affected by the gambit because it happened so long ago. She made it a necessity to conquer her fears whenever she developed them.  She wanted to be stronger, mentally, emotionally.

 “Apparently not” Sara shrugged.

“Do you want to go home?” Ava whispered.

“No” Sara replied almost immediately. “No” she cleared her throat. “Of course not. I can’t ruin this trip for Laurel” Ava stared at her apologetically. “Besides the food is great”

Sara and Ava stayed awake for a couple more hours. They talked about Laurel and how much fun they had in the pool, movie house and arcade. They reminisced the times where they would go to movie houses and play arcades when they were together. She and Ava would always get toys because of how much tickets they had. Eventually, they both fell asleep talking about future vacation plans in Hawaii and other places Laurel would enjoy.

***

The Sharpe’s were known to throw grandiose parties, amongst other things. However, grandiose was an understatement this time around. They have out done themselves yet again. New Year’s Eve was traditionally celebrated in manor back in Ivy Town. Politicians and socialites from all over the globe would be invited and each year was unique because of the different themes.

This New Year’s party was a little smaller, more intimate than the previous one’s that Ava has attended. This was also the first time that the family took the celebration on waters. However, they didn’t hold back on the food, decorations (with this year’s theme The Great Gatsby Party) and music. There were mini stages, live performers and dancers dressed in gold and silver, adorned with feathers and pearls.

Ava, as a kid, never really liked to play dress up but she grew older she developed to tolerate it when her parents started taking her to all kinds of parties. This party theme however, wasn’t as bad. She wore a gold, strapless and sequined mermaid dress that hugged her curves just right. Her hair cascaded in curls to one side of her shoulder and pinned with a silver feather clip.

And as to the lawyer’s amusement her ex-wife was all glammed up too. Sara spun and opened her arms to show her the entire outfit. Sara looked like she was taken from the 20’s and was travelled to the future. She wore a silver, fringed, knee length flapper with a plunging neckline that sucked Ava’s throat dry; the dress was sexy and revealing. Sara’s hair was in finger waves, pulled up to a bun and decorated with a feather headband, which exposed more skin than Ava had prepared for. She could see Sara’s collarbone, her chest, and her arms that reminded her how toned her ex-wife was.

“What do you think?” Sara’s voice snapped her out of her trance. “Aves?” she could see the confused look plastered all over the shorter woman’s face.

“You...umm” she cursed when her voice faltered. She cleared her throat and tried again. “You look great” she chuckled nervously.

 “Thanks. So do you” Ava felt her cheeks grew hot but thankfully Sara wasn’t paying much attention to her now red face. She took a second to calm herself before turning to her daughter.

The little girl was also dressed up in 20’s flapper. She wore a black, sequined dress with gloves and faux fur. To this day, it still amazes Ava how Laurel looks exactly like her mother. Despite the darker shade of blonde hair, and darker blue eyes, Laurel was without a doubt the mini version of her mommy. 

“How do I look?” Laurel pouted.

Ava crouched to Laurel’s height and kissed her forehead “you look absolutely stunning little bean”

Laurel looked older than four, more mature than four. Ava’s heart swelled at the thought of her little girl growing up to be a fine young woman.  Even though she had done anything for the past months to make up for lost time, it still feels like she missed a lot.  It still felt like she had years to catch up to because her daughter was growing way too fast (if that was even possible).  Before Ava could realize it tears started to form in her eyes.

“You okay mama?” the little girl frowned.

“Yeah baby” she sniffed. “You just look so big that’s all” she gave her daughter another kiss, this time on her cheeks and hugged her tight.

When she let go, she felt a hand rest on her shoulder. She stood up to see Sara looking sympathetically at her like she understood the thoughts that ran in her head. The shorter blonde took a step closer.

 “She isn’t going anywhere Aves. You have all the time in the world” Sara smiled.

 “I know” she nodded. “I know”

\---

The party started off with a few words of welcome from William and Victoria and then a few intermission numbers before dinner. They were served an eight course meal as they listened to live bands play. Sara and Ava did their best to keep Laurel occupied and contented but the little girl seemed to enjoy the performances.

After a while Laurel got exhausted and was taken by Nana Anne back to her room which left the exes to roam around the party on their own. Sara and Ava were so inseparable that they look like they’ve been glued to each other’s side. Only because Ava knows how uncomfortable and anxious Sara gets with parties thrown by her parents. Their arms were linked as they went through the crowd, greeting people along the way and stopping to a few tables for chitchats.

“Sara dear, it’s been a while” Marga, the second wife of Ava’s uncle, the Senator Bill greeted with a soft, fake tone that was clearly rehearsed for the people she doesn’t give a damn about. “Are you and Ava...” she raised her brows to imply her thoughts.

She felt Sara’s aura shift and she felt her squeeze her arm a little tighter. Ava placed her free hand over Sara’s and rubbed soothing circles that made her relax a little.

“Marga, how are you and Uncle Bill?” Ava greeted back, clearly with intent to offend. “I hear things are getting dirty. You know, I happen to be very close with a talented divorce lawyer” She whispered in a singsong but loud enough to be heard by the other socialites in the same table. The press might have kept it quiet but Ava knew all too well how her gold digger of an aunt cheated with her uncle’s business partner and that they were going through a difficult split. Clearly, she was hiding it because everybody in the table was surprised. Marga was too stunned and embarrassed to say anything that she walked out on them. Sara mouthed a quick thank you which Ava returned with a smile.

After talking to a few more people, they grew tired of faking smiles and trying to please everyone (which Ava effortlessly did because of her charms), they took a bottle of champagne and ‘hid’ on the far end deck where no one could bother them.

“Oh your dress is so beautiful” Sara exaggeratedly mimicked one of the socialites she heard when they passed. “No your dress is beautiful” she imitated the other girl in a different tone and pitch. “Bleh” the shorter woman stuck her tongue out in disgust.

 “It’s called being polite Sara” Ava laughed. Sara was a good person, but boy she was blunt, forward and has always hated sugarcoating. “I don’t know how you survived all the parties we have attended”

Sara rolled her eyes. “I didn’t. You did all the talking. I did the drinking”

“Yeah” Ava chuckled.

They both leaned on the rails and listened to the music and the distant chattering of the people. The moon was shining bright and the sky was clear, it was almost romantic. Sara kept on talking and joking around. Her smile was so genuine that Ava could see her baby blues glinting. Her laugh was beautiful too, even with the noise around it’s like she couldn’t hear anything else.

Ava gets pulled back to the time when she and Sara were still together. Attending parties like New Year’s Eve was easier, more fun; only because they would sneak around and make out, hoping not to get caught. Those were the days that they were so full of life. They were happy and made the most out of every moment. When she lost their boy, she shut Sara out and lost her too. Back then she only thought of the pain, loss and guilt. She thought she would recover and it would be easier but now, she still feels all of those but this time with a bit more guilt; guilt of not being there for Sara and Laurel when they were hurt too.

_If I can take it all back I would._

Ava inhaled in the fresh breeze. She welcomed the smell of the ocean with a deep breath and a heavy exhale. The steady hum of the engine and the soft waves that hit the ship calmed her and eased her thoughts.

Sara might have noticed that she drifted because she felt her move closer to her. “Talk to me Aves” the shorter blonde whispered.

Ava’s heart ached a little more. There were plenty she wanted to say, some she had said already but felt like it wasn’t enough. There were no apology, no speech nor words that she could string together that could undo all the pain she’s caused Sara but here she was still, beside her, staring at her with the same care and worry she always had years ago and it breaks her heart. Maybe it was the champagne that hit her, boy it hit her hard and good. She was too emotional, too vulnerable to be sober.

She laughed at how stupid she might look at the moment. Sara was still confused. Her face shifted, looking a little more sad than worried. Ava looked down and saw tears drop to the rail handle.

“Hey. What is it?” Sara coaxed. Ava only dismissed the question with a shake. “Hey, don’t go in your corner”

She hates how Sara knows her all too well. She hates how Sara knows how to handle her when she’s vulnerable and upset; how Sara knows how to say the right words and do the right things to get her to open up. Despite everything Sara was still her comfort zone, Sara was still _home._

“I missed this” was the only way she knew how to start because that’s what she was genuinely feeling. She did miss Sara; talking with her, hearing her laugh, seeing her smile. And it hurts her that it wasn’t the same like it used to. She tells her that too. She pours her heart out to Sara. The champagne helped a lot with that. She tells Sara how sorry she was for leaving, for hurting her and for hurting Laurel. She knew she’s said these things before. She knew that Sara knows how guilty she was but it felt right to say them again.

She takes Sara’s hand because the pain in her heart was too much to bear. “I hate feeling like this. I hate not being with you” she squeezed her hand a little tighter, gathering all the strength she could get.

“I hate waking up in our house, knowing you are there but not _with_ me. I hate that we take Laurel on family dates but I can never take you out on one... not anymore.” she could barely keep an even breathing but it was too late to stop. “I hate that you’ve moved on and that you’re happy with someone else. I know that’s selfish of me but I would never take it out on you because you deserve it. You deserve to be with someone who loves you and you deserve someone who will never leave”

“Ava...”

“Sara I am sick and tired of pretending that I’m okay not being with you because I am not. And I know it’s my fault. It’s all my fault” she couldn’t stop the sobs from coming. She covered her mouth and took a second to compose herself.

“I can’t keep pretending that I don’t love you anymore because I-...” it took her a second before she realized that soft lips were pressed against hers. The familiar kiss she had been longing for so long. It wasn’t heated as the one they shared in her study but this one started harsh, to stop her from talking but it quickly turned into a softer, more affectionate kiss; like Sara was being careful that she would break if she pushed to hard. Ava leaned in closer, deepening the kiss, making Sara feel that she meant what she said.  She whined when she felt Sara pull away.

Sara leaned in and rested her forehead on her own. “I love you” It was barely above a whisper and Ava wasn’t sure if she heard it correctly because Sara was still out of breath and panting lightly.

“What did you say?” her heart was racing.

“I said...I-...”

“Happy new year!” everybody cheered in unison. Glasses clinked and fireworks started to erupt, lighting the sky in various colors.

“Sara...”

“Happy new year Aves”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I apologize for being gone for months. I didn't have enough will and ideas in me to write. I hope I dont lose this again because I badly want to finish this story and I badly want you guys to be able to read it. Wish me luck. Also comment your thoughts on this chapter down below. It will be greatly appreciated! I love you guys


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